Am I Crazy considering going back to work when my baby is 3 months old?

[emmyloo2]

I am currently on maternity leave with a 2mth old baby. I have just been offered a new job which I was contacted about and didn't think I would get. I have also just relocated home after living in the UK for a period of time so I will not be returning to my old job.

The new job is an inhouse role (I am a lawyer) as opposed to working for a law firm, which has been my dream for many years to get inhouse to escape the terrible working environments of law firms. This job is going to be a relatively autonomous role and the nature of the work should be a bit easier and less stressful than my previous work. They have also agreed to flexible working conditions which I am trying to agree in detail with them before I accept the role. They have also agreed I can start 3 days a week and build up to 5 days, but I have insisted that I will be able to work flexible hours in the office to allow me to manage child care arrangements (for example 10 until 5 in the office and then working in the evening if necessary). My mother and MIL are going to care for the baby and both my husband and I will work one day from home (with a nanny or mother or MIL also being available to care for the baby while we are working from home).

I am keen to accept the job because (a) I have been trying to get an inhouse role for many years and they are quite difficult to get; (b) I like the fact that the work will be relatively easy and not transactional work like I have been doing which I find stressful and the hours horrendous; (c) I like the fact that the role will be autonomous and they are open to me setting my own hours and being able to be flexible about hours in the office.

If I don't accept this role then I may have to end up going back into a firm as I definitely want to return to work within the next couple of months anyway.

Am I crazy considering going back with a 3 month old baby? Is he going to understand why I am not there during the day? I just wonder whether he will be confused why his Mummy isn't there from 9am until 5pm?

I really want to return to work and my Mum is wonderful with my little boy, I just don't want to do the wrong thing by him.

My husband is incredibly supportive of me taking the job and has promised he will do everything necessary to make sure we can manage it all.

Any advice or thoughts would be welcome.

Thanks!

Do what ever is right by you.

being bored and miserable is no good for your child so do what makes you happy and it will all filter down.

Thank Ryoko. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will become depressed staying home. I just have that type of personality. I knew it before I went on maternity leave- I just wasn't anticipating going back to work after 3 months. I was thinking more like 4-5 months.

I guess I feel guilt at not loving staying home all day with my baby. I just find it a little boring, even though I do love him. I went up to the local shopping centre this afternoon and it made me want to stab myself - I just find it so depressing. Is that terrible to feel like that?

I went back when my daughter was 3 and a half months. I must say it was much harder than I had expected. I wanted to continue breastfeeding with me pumping milk at work and dh feeding dd with my milk from a bottle. The stress of starting work was enough to block the milk flow somehow (I can´t remember the actual term for it in English - I live in Germany and my midwife was German) and I got a temperature of 40 degrees and was in bed for the week before I should have started work. Once I was better I asked for a few days holiday to postpone my start. That was really helpful and was definitely worth plucking up the courage to ask for. Things don´t always go as planned with starting work after a baby and you have to be a bit bold IMO. Now five years later those three days holiday seem ridiculous - I should have asked for more. Just don´t expect too much from yourself, take it slowly and remember that you and your baby (and your husband) have rights too - even when it´s a new job. I must say, now, with a second child aged 2 and dd aged 5, I still feel the guilt that I went back when she was only 3.5 months. I think guilt is something that can stay with you for ages. But you sound to have made up your mind - so just don´t let yourself get caught up in the guilt. I worked 50% (and still do) and I must say in those first months it really helped me to have one day at work and then the next day off - to have a whole day with dd in between and always to know that I just had to last through today until I had a day with her (or a half day) was really helpful. I think it was great that she had the time with dh and it helped me that because he was sharing the childcare we both understood each other. But, she definitely did miss me at the beginning. If I could go back and change things, I would have stayed off work longer. But, in your situation if that would mean a more stressful job and possibly longer hours, I would go back at 3 months.

Difficult one, I can sympathise as am a surveyor and know what crazy hours lawyers can do at private practice.

If it is the job of your dreams then I would go for it, they sound very flexible that will be useful.

My dd is now 10.5 months and I go back PT (3 days a week) in 2 weeks. Its crept up on me! But I think I would have been ok to be back after 6 months, and have done a fair few Keep in Touch days to "keep my hand in"

In a way it will be easier on your DD to be cared for by someone else from now rather than older when she is more aware what is going on. My dd is now loads more aware and is having classic separation anxiety that probably wouldn't have been so bad at 3months.

To be honest, am nervous about gong back to work but am also excited - to speak to people as me again and not just DD's mum. Very difficult to adjust to ML if you are a busy busy professional person I think.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

Hello! I went back to work when my son was six weeks old! I did three days a week quite flexibly and my sister looked after my son. I had a lot of people assume that I was under pressure to return to work but I wasn't - I could have taken a lot longer off if I had wanted to. The thing is I really enjoy my job and I do work in a very competitive field so although nine months or so wouldn't mean game over it definitely would not help with career progression. And although it goes without saying that I love my children more than life itself, I found maternity leave with my first very very boring. So, in my view, I'd go for it, especially if it really will be flexible with your new employer and doubly so given that you have family members looking after your son. I would have thought twice if it hadn't been my sister looking after my kids. As it was he couldn't have been happier and I really didn't detect any confusion about who is his mummy etc. In my (humble) opinion, if the care they receive is loving and consistent, I think it makes very little difference who is looking after them when they are very young. I think the needing their mummy thing becomes more difficult as they get older. So securing a good job now that's flexible may stand you in good stead later? I would just add as a general point that I think maternity provision nowadays if absolutely fantastic but one downside if you could call it that is a sort of generalised assumption that evey mother must want to take say at least six months off doing no work at all. And then added to that is a slight feeling that if you don't you must be a less loving mum! Which of course is not true. Whoops longer message than I meant, good luck whatever you decide!

This new employer seems keen to have you so i would have thought they would wait another month or two for you to join?! However if this really isn't possible then starting off on 3 days to start with rather than 5 will make all the difference I think.
You are seriously fortunate to have mum/mil to help you so much with the childcare and this will make you feel much less guilty as you won't be leaving baby with stranger. I am/was a lawyer in private practice who gave up to be SAHM because i felt i couldn't juggle it. There are very few flexible legal jobs out there so if you've found one then i would think long and hard before letting it slip away. Agree with antinatter about kids wanting mummy more as they get older.

I don't think you're crazy at all. I'm considering it - sometimes it's better for both mother AND baby, if the mother is doing what is right for her and doesn't make her depressed - as you mentioned you thought being a SAHM might in the longer term.

Your potential new employers are being generous with the initial 3 days, sounds like they understand (or are at least willing to work with) the situation.

Whenever you go back to work, your DP will have to be cared for by someone else. At 3 months, at 5 months, so do what is right for you and your family. That may very well NOT be sitting at home maligning the perfect job going down the drain, and then returning to a job you dislike.

I'd go for it. I'm a lawyer and in the end took 8 months off. It was far too long, my practice has been eroded and I wish I had come back sooner. I am much happier at work, my DS is much happier in nursery and dream jobs don't come up that often. I just wish I had ignored all the people who said enjoy this time, you won't get it back etc. All of which is true but the time to enjoy is when the baby isn't a baby anymore, and having a good job, or dream job makes that easier rather than thinking if only

I would do it, for the long term it sounds like the best option. If you go back when he is older and end up in a firm you will have less time for him and be more stressed out.

When I read the title part of me thought 'yes', and I am generally a big advocate of staying at home for a year or more IF the mother is happy to. BUT all the things you've said point to this being a good decision for you - it's a great opportunity, you'll have your Mum to look after the baby, it'll only be 3 days at first, flexible working, working from home, you feel you'd be depressed at home etc etc. So I'd go for it as long as you feel ok about it - I don't think you'll be doing the wrong thing by him as he will have one-to-one care from members of his family and then his mother there for much of the time too. HTH :)

I'd do it! the difference between going back at 3 or 5 months isn't that great given that at 5 months it would be to a job you hate. I'm due back in 3 months and am taking the full year off but thats partly because I'm going back to private practice 4 days a week as a com prop lawyer. Being recruited part time in law is very rare so I'd go for it. Best of luck

I am completely different to you and can't imagine wanting to go back to work at 3/4/5 months - also, your baby is probably at the most boring stage ever right now - they do get farrrrr more interesting [bgrin]

However, it does sound like a fantastic opportunity for you. You have your DH's complete support as well as your Mum & MIL.

They are allowing you so much flexibility as well.

At that age, to be perfectly honest, so long as they have a clean bum, somewhere to sleep and milk on demand they really don't much care who is doing it for them! By the time your baby is old enough to care the baby will be so used to you doing it that it will be 'normal'.

Frankly, for the sake of one or two months more at home you would be mad not to take it!

I am also the opposite of you as I've a SAHM for 7 years but I would say that if you are definatley going back to work when baby is 5 months anyway then you would probably be wise to accept this job and go back earlier than planned.

It sounds like this job will allow you far more flexibility in the long run which in turn will be best for your child

Why don't you 'average' the impact of your decision over the next 5 years.

To me, it sounds like this job will let you do far more bedtime stories than your old job - and children don't magically stop needing you at 12 months.

In your shoes, I would have hesitated to use a nursery that young, but honestly see no downside to the baby to being cared by GP. The only 'issue' for babes this age, imo, is bonding - and a GP is just as motivated as a mother to present themselves as objects of unbridled affection.

You may find, however, that you will go through a period of feeling a bit down, a bit displaced, and bit superceded. I always found 4 months a hard age in my own mental state , and for the baby - the hormones and routines are all still a bit fluid. Make sure you are as solid as possible with your inner zen.

i went back full time when mine was 3months old, i think at that age it is far eaiser for them to slip into a new routine with a nursery/childminder than at 12 months old when then tend to be a bit mroe clingy

my sleep for most of the day anyway and i didnt find it hard at all, would have been harder for me and him had i stayed at home with him for longer

I'd take it.

Your DS has arrived already, and you have (presumably) physically recovered, so you are in a good situation to know whether it will be possible for you both physically and mentally. They've agreed 3 days a week to start, and it's the job you've been looking for for a while.

I went back to work when DD2 was 4 months old, and it was much easier than leaving a 12 month old TBH.

in your situation, i'd do it in a shot. :)

go for it.

I'd go for it, but are you available straight away? If I wanted to go to a new job while on mat leave, my current employer still needed me to resign and I wouldn't be available to work for someone else until after my notice period (6 weeks) even though I wasn't in the office anyway. So best check you can just give one month's notice.

I'd also say if this new employer wants you, they'll wait another month. If they were hiring someone who was in work at the moment and 2 month notice period isn't that unusual in your industry. No harm in asking...

I went back to work when dd1 was 3.5 years old. I went back full time to a stressful, long hours job.

I would go for it, you've a lot to gain.

You'll still get to see plenty of your interesting baby, even if you are working.

Also they really get interesting after a year, so subsequent, longer maternity leaves can be a great way of spending time with them as a toddler.

I found being at home on my own all day with one baby mind-numbing, but still stressful.

3.5 months :o

3.5 years - the horror!

I did with dd1/2 as that's all the mat leave I had. They coped fine. If you've got family flexible cc that will be easier for you/baby.

Employer sounds good & starting p/t should be good for you.perfect jobs don't cone easily so take the chance