Single mum - what work to seek?

[HanBanan]

Hi I've posted in Lone Parents too...

I've come back to the UK with my 4 year old and we have settled into life here with her attending school and me finding work as a dinner lady and voluntary carer. However I would like to get off the benefits and back into more steady work that pays well enough to live on.

I am studying a teachers assistant course and have good qualifications ie GCSEs to Ma otherwise.

But I am having a major confidence crisis about how to balance life and work - how am I going to take my daughter to her ballet lesson once a week? What do I do in holiday time? How am I going to fit in her needs and work? I have no grandparents living in the UK so have no family help, everything would have to be paid for.

I am panicking a bit so does anyone have any experience of this juggle, how do you do it? What jobs do you have that suit a better work/life balance?

Any advice would be great....

Just wanted to add have always worked full time until this year and have really enjoyed the benefits parttime work has had on me and my daughter....so not work shy, just worried about the right thing to do. My heart says stay part time but in reality I am the sole provider (no help from ex) and I would like to have more pride and become independent from the state's help...

Dear HanBanan. I'm pretty much in your situation except that dd has just turned 3. What's complicated for us is that I am still married to dh, except that he lives in Turkey and we live here (we are seeing how we go with a 'long distance marriage') BUT he cannot contribute anything financially for us here because he just doesn't earn enough in Turkey and has the usual Turkish extended family to support. (Benefits people are totally confused by this state of affairs because we don't fit into any of their tick-boxes!!).

So, I get no benefits because they can't prove that dh can't help us, and am still basically a single mum. Actually, in some ways, I wish I'd lied to them and said we were separated. Then maybe we'd have ticked a box, but I didn't. Hey ho.

I've started a course to become a registered childminder, and am looking at jobs as a school secretary. Childminding's my preferred option because I cannot see how to manage on those days when dd has a bad night (the thought of dropping her off at a nursery when she's not very happy appalls me) and I don't know how I'd manage when she was ill. I suppose I'd have to take unpaid leave, but most employers are not going to be too happy about that if it happens too often, are they?

Really, really difficult.

I'd say, continue with your course to become a Teaching Assistant. That's absolutely the best option for you. Stay as you are for now and start applying for TA jobs as soon as you can.

It sounds to me like you're doing a fine job so far and have nothing to be ashamed of AT ALL in terms of claiming benefits until you're qualified.

Thanks for the advice, it is difficult to juggle it all and do 'the right thing' by everyone. I think you're right - carry on with the TA course and go from there. Just need to remember to have some patience I guess!

Sounds like you're in a bit of a pickle regarding the dh in turkey - surely you can prove he isn't contributing by showing them your bank statements?

I think carry on with the studying and go for it. At least you have a job that enables you then to have some school holidays off with your DD. I have worked full time whilst my DS was 2 up until I was laid off in May 2010 (hes now 5). I worked in a hospital in the pathology labs. My son had nursey to attend everyday. Since I have been out of work I have enjoyed dropping and picking my DS up from school. I have lived with my partner since Sept last year and im 7 months preg with out child. My DP could only see me at weekends for aobut 2 1/2 years it was hard. I have tried to get jobs since May but no one wanted a pregnant woman. I understand you want to be independant but dont beat your self up about it sometimes we need help to get by and your working and trying hard to do the right thing your doing really well and trying to improve yourself keep going and things will get better.