Please can we get your practical tips on getting back into work

[GeraldineMumsnet]

Hello,

We're going to be adding some new stuff soon about work, childcare and the like. Please can we pick your brains about a few aspects...

1. What advice would you give someone who wants or needs to go back to work after having children, if that someone is feeling out of the loop workwise (ie hasn't has an interview for ages, CV has cobwebs on and the whole job-hunting world seems to have moved online)?

What's the best way to go about dusting off your CV, brushing up your interview skills and generally getting yourself back into job-hunting mode after a break?

1. And if you, personally, went back to your old job after maternity leave, what advice would you give someone about to return to work who might be feeling distinctly anxious about managing the whole parenting-plus-work scenario. What's the crucial stuff to get sorted?

Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for your pearls of wisdom. :)

I went back to work aftter DS1 4 days a week and then 5 days after DS2. My top tips would be:

• Think very hard about whether you want to work full time, it is tough but not impossible

• talk to your DH about how you will shareresponsibilitites. I could not do my job if my DH was not flexible and prepared to do as much at home as me

• Try tos eperate worka nd life. I am really strict about finishing work on time and not taking calls etc when I am with teh kids. If you do it, people will expect it of you. My colleagues now know that if they call me after 5 I won't answer, so they don't bother

• take control of your diary and make it work for you. thsi si easier than it sounds but took me a while to maste. ia m always saying "Sorry I can't do xx how about yy"

• Don't talk about work all teh time at home and (probably more importantly) dom't talk about your kids all the tiem at work!

• You are entitled to request felxible working, but when you area t work, you need to work at teh saem rate as yuo did before you became a Mum. Never use your kids as an excuse. If your job means you need to stay away etc you need to find a way to make this workw ith children. You can't use kids as an excuse to not go to things

have no idea but marking my place as hoping to return to work very soon

I dont know how to go about finding childcare as Ive never had to use it - im struggling mainly with holiday clubs for 3 children aged 10, 5 & 3

I take a different approach to melrose in that I do carry on taking calls, or more usually emails after I have left work. The reason is that I have to leave pretty early to make the pick-up from childcare and it doesn't help people back in the office if I am totally unavailable - depends what line of work you are in.

The reason this works OK for me is that I have full access to the work computer network at home, so I can access emails and shared drives etc. I would rather deal with queries quickly as they come up than go back to work in the morning to face a barrage of urgent stuff.

You have to decide what works best for your own sanity.

What hatwoman said.

Before committing to anything (including voluntary) check it out with your partner to see what their true views on it is, and how you would divide the labour between you both at time when you're both at home. Getting this sorted could save your relationships all round, and if you feel totally supported by your partner (if you've got one) then it will automatically boost confidence right from the point when it's just an idea. If you get rubbish commitment from them, it hasn't really been thought through by them, and you could end up doing it all. How many threads have we read on MN about this??! Avoid that scenario if poss.

Have a chat to other parents and see if there are others around who are thinking about it. Any support there?

Research childcare in your area and go and check them all out with a weather eye, now while you've got the time and non-pressurised judgement. If you're worrying about it later, it will just make things harder. The wrong childcare is just horrible!! Have more than 1 option up your sleeve.

Set up internet shopping for food and get that going a week or two before you go back! It takes time to get into that routine.

CVs - it looks better if you've done something voluntarily if there's a big time gap. It shows personal commitment, especially if it's doing something different to before. It may also provide a recent reference, which would be a big boost for a job application.

Keep the CV clear and relevant, with your details very easy to find! Remember it won't be the only one on the HR manager's desk. If you're applying for a variety of jobs, you could have several different ones that match your relevant experience and skills to the criteria on the job spec. Think of things from the employer's perspective.

Get a few people to look at what you're going to send in - it's easy to miss spelling/grammar errors when it's your own work, especially if you only wrote it last night.

Don't take it personally if it takes a while. When offered an interview, do some homework on the job and the company. Have some questions ready.. one good one is 'what would you have me doing during my first week at the job?' Helps them visualise you doing it..

Sort out your clothes and some kind of routine where everyone who can contributes.

Get two bottles of wine in, if it's your thing. One to have when you pass the interview, the other to - at least - open after you've done your first day!! It's a whole job in itself just to land a job these days.

Racmac, try your local children's information service. They're the best source of up to date info regarding this. Also ask the other parents on the school run, they will all have their views on who the individuals are. Nurseries, especially, can be very hit and miss.

2. I went round nurseries while still pg, so that by the time DS was born, we had all the childcare lined up and knew the costs involved. I should also have insisted at the time that DS was put on the list for subsidised places (my employer helps with childcare at an external nursery but only for a pre-set number of parents, so it's first-come, first-serve).

Emotionally it's hard. Make sure you have plenty of acclimatisation visits, and also check you can stay on-site while your DC plays at these, as most people think about how the child copes but not how the mother does! Expect to feel utterly pants. I cried a lot in that first week. My nursery doesn't like parents dropping in to see the children, as it disturbs them if they've settled (something annoying at first, but understandable now). But they don't mind you phoning up every hour to check, which I would say is essential at first!

I second SleepWhenImDead about the bugs - I didn't get any leave for myself for the first year either! DS picked up stuff like a hoover. Rotavirus was horrible, and the bug that put him in hospital with soaring temperatures was never identified. I even got him vaccinated for chickenpox because I couldn't have managed to take two weeks off to care for him. So do talk with your manager about leave, annual (can you take it at the drop of a hat), parental (needs to be whole weeks, unpaid) and longer leaves of absence. Talk to your colleagues too. Often those without children may feel resentful that now you have to leave on time to do nursery pickups, and have days off to care for sick DCs, they have to do more. Get them on your side first!

Bear in mind that unless you have a rarity in a cleaning-enthusiastic DP then sooner or later the division of house labour is going to cause trouble. When you get in thoroughly whacked, you are not going to respond well to a similarly tired DH coming in and tacitly expecting you to have done DC's meal, his meal and all the cleaning, bathing and bedtime! Talk sooner rather than later about such things. And be prepared for additional chats starting "But I thought you meant..." before things get too out of hand!

You are going to be tired. Accept this. You are also going to catch everything DC brings home, so if you're not looking after a sick child you're feeling pants yourself. And as a mummy, you have to keep going...

OK just realised that others have said all of this more succinctly. Woops. I'll get my hat...

1. Getting Back to Work:

• Give yourself the best chance by making sure that your cv matches up to what the employer wants - and put this at the top of your cv.
• Don't include hobbies unless that are 100% relevant to the job.
• Summarise your qualifications e.g. "8 GCSEs including English & Maths" rather than listing everything (unless it is directly relevant to the job).
• Get a trusted friend to help you think through your skills / experience. e.g. if employer is looking for good communication skills, ask a friend to tell you your best examples - they can probably remember things that you didn't even recognise as good communication.
• Practice by writing mock applications for jobs that are not 100% what you want - it will give you good experience at describing your skills in different ways, and you will be prepared when the job comes along that you do really want.
• Don't undersell yourself (don't exagerate either) but many woman find it difficult to describe themselves in the strong positive terms that would make you attractive to an employer, so just this once, put aside your lowly, humble, self-depricating side.
• When you get an interview, write a list of the questions you think theymight ask (they will be either related to the job description or what you have written in your application) e.g. "the job requires someone who is calm under pressure, can you tell me about a time when you have demonstrated that skill" or "on your cv you wrote that you had organised the todders Chritmas outing, what was the most difficult thing that you faced".

-Prepare specific answers (think of some examples) to the questions you have thought of, stating what happened, what the consequence was and the skill demonstrated. -Practice by talking out loud the answers you might give. Get used to speaking out loud about yourself and the skills you have. Practice with a friend if possible to get some feedback. -Don't worry if you cannot answer an interview question, don't let it derail you from the rest of your interview.

2. Returning After Maternity Leave: -Make as many contingency arrangements as you can think of (who could pick your dc up if your car broke down, list of emergency contact numbers for every possible neighbour, friend, acquaintance, reliable teenage babysitter etc) -Enjoy the wonder of being able to drink a cup of coffee at work, without being disturbed by someone who need to go to the toilet, and make a list of all the good points about working e.g. seeing your dc's faces light up when you pick them up, -Accept that sometimes you'll have a crap day when everything goes wrong and you just want to give up (you probably have days like that as a SAHM too) -If you're good at organising then organise your dp to take an equal share in making the whole parenting/working thing work.

Thanks for this. I'll be watching as desperate to return to work after 6 years!

arranging your normal everyday childcare for when everything is going fine is easy (though expensive). The hard bit is sorting out your back-up childcare for when the child is ill, or the childminder is sick, or something comes up at work so you suddenly have to work extra hours or go on a long trip.
And don't underestimate the cost of the back-up childcare and remember to factor it into your sums when you're working out if you can afford to go to work....

1). Work out what makes you different enough from the next CV/interviewee to make you get the job, rather than them. Then ask yourself if you have promoted that one thing enough in your CV/interview.
Never hide the fact that you took leave, don't try to sell them it gave you really good transferrable skills such as multitasking (sounds weak), and never, ever, apologise or make it seem as if you are apologising for the break. Keep it simple. "I took 3 years off to focus on my children whilst they were young and I am now looking to resume my career" is enough.
Tailor your CV to fit the role being advertised.
Consider whether you are better placed to come in on a temp/interim basis inorder to establish yourself.
Don't be afraid to drop a level or two. If you are good you can climb back up quickly - and you may find it more of a shock than you expected and therefore being a grade lower could help you get in the swing of it better.
Carve up the household chores and get DH to agree what he will do. 50% of every job that needs doing sounds good in theory but I found in practice that carving it up by type of chore as in 'You- gardening, Me-Tesco shop' gets more productivity in my own house.

1. Back up plans for childcare are crucial.

I would expect it is normal for some mums to feel 'left out' of work. If you do not get back into the swing with colleagues keep an open mind and discuss it (My own boss didn't want to burden me with too much work in case I got stressed....and I ended up thinking he wanted to dump me because my in-tray was never as busy as pre-babies). Whenever things get you down relating to battles because 'others' don't 'get it', always take a very deep breadth and try to put yourself in their shoes Just like when interviewing, make sure that your bosses know what it is that makes yo so valuable to them. Ensure they get reminded of it often (especially if you choose to ask for part-time working). IME it is very difficult to cope with a job and a baby if the baby is not sleeping well. you may want to delay returning (or you may want to google the internet for modafinil advice)

Some great advice here. I wonder if anyone would mind a hijack for me to ask if there comes a point beyond which it's going to be pretty much impossible to find an employer to take you on?

Things will never be the same again. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing, it just means you might have to think differently about a problem.

I fully recommend sitting down and discussing responsibilities. I made the mistake of trying to be all things to all people, and got upset and resentful.

If you've always been the one to do everything, then you can't expect your partner to mind read what needs doing. Passive aggressive sighing when the dishwasher isn't emptied doesn't help anyone as I learned the hard way.

Its a difficult job being a new parent (or even six months later), then you have the guilt and responsibility of being an employee (in an office which may or may not be resentful of your absence/part time working), and trying to keep a relationship on track at the same time too......

Throw into the mix all the usual slings and arrows life throws at you, and it can seem very daunting.

However, the good news is, it does get better. And I'm very efficient at lists now. Oh, and delegation!!

What'sWrong A family friend had 19 years out of work when she was raising her family, and now has 2 very good part time jobs. 1 - she is self employed, 2 - came about through volunteering first.

Can I second the sign post to Next Step? This is free careers /courses /training advice including help with CVs, job applications, interviews etc. You can get phone advice and/or face to face appointments. Tel: 0800 100 900

I've been a SAHM for 10 years and my New Years Resolution is to get a (paid) job

I can heartily recommend volunteer work for someone (like me) who is lacking confidence, has forgotten (or didn't know) what an office looks like, who is unconfident about IT skills, who doesn't know what she wants to do, or simply wants to do something that isn't child-related. And you get thanked a lot, which is nice.

I have worked in the head office of a large charity and edited a newsletter, getting valuable IT experience, realising that I am a more calm and well-rounded person than I was before I had the DCs. I now do voluntary work in a local school and that's the direction I want to head in

A really good website to find voluntary jobs is:

do-it.org.uk

thanks for the other tips ladies!

Today I was offered a job that hasn't even been advertised, on the strength of some volunteering I did to keep me sane, three years ago! Never underestimate how good volunteering can be when you get it right.

COngrats Provincial Lady - are you taking the job?

Have gone back to the same job twice (full time after DC1 and part-time since DC2). Here are my tips:

If your role makes it possible, consider working from home. I do this and it's ace - I can work flexibly (around childcare drop-offs and pick-ups etc.) If your employer isn't keen, then convince them how good it will be for them - I've never had to take a day off when the children are ill; I can work at 6am in my PJs or at midnight, if necessary. I appreciate this only suits some roles (and certain people).

Like Katisha, I'm happy to work in the evenings, as the one day I go into the office, I get there late and leave on time. So it makes sense for me to do some work out of hours (and this benefits the organisation).

Especially for your first DC, make friends with other parents in the office (while pregnant and on mat leave, ideally). I'd assumed I'd have to stop breastfeeding when I went back to work when DD was 6 months, but a fellow mum told me about my work's BF-friendly policy (all the practical details, like where to express) and I ended up BF for another year. Together, we set up a 'mums group' at work to give advice to others going on maternity leave (about being working parents, not just BF).

Again, doesn't suit all jobs. But the point remains - other parents, even if they're not colleagues you've been particularly close to, are mines of useful information and support. Spread the love around...

IT ALL GETS BETTER. If you feel like crap on day one - honestly, things will improve. Your baby will be just fine, as long as you're happy with the childcare you've arranged. It's you who will need to adjust. So be kind to yourself. And enjoy going to the loo in peace

Agree with the others who've said they've got better at delegation, lists etc. I've never been so efficient..

Thanks Katisha, and yes I am. It's only a few hours a week but I am not even ready to go back to work part time yet (!) so this will ease me back in I hope. It's a really interesting job. If I hadn't volunteered a few years ago I wouldn't have met the fellow volunteer who later went on to become in a position to hire. Because we worked well together then and she knew what I was good at, she contacted me out of the blue. You never know where work will come from these days!

I will add a perspective from a boss.

I manage a team of about 15 of which 7 are parents.

I have various flexible arrangements in place for all of them:
*one comes in at 1015 after he has done the school run, but works till 1815
*one works a couple of days from a more local office including timing these days for school assemblies
*one has a disabled child and sometimes needs to take time off quickly
*one works from home a couple of days a week

And no-one on here will be surprised to hear ...

... that all these workers are good performers. They all do their job and a bit more, sometimes from home when they log in on a laptop in the evening.

Nope. It's actually the single, non-parent who turns in the poorest performance in the team!

So ... it can be done with a little bit of flexibility on both sides, as long as you yourself are committed to the job.

*If you work at the kind of place that will give you a laptop and wifi card then you can come to an arrangement about leaving early to pick up and do a bit of work later if this is necessary
*if you can come to an agreement with your boss about what outputs you're going to deliver over say, a week, and then check in again after that period to prove you've done it, it quickly becomes apparent that you are delivering work but don't have to sit in the office 9-5 to do it
*if the boss is sceptical then why not ask to try an arrangement for a trial period and then prove in this period that it will work
*when you have a couple of days when the childcare is a dead cert eg Grandma rather than nursery, work really hard and be very visible to make up for the days when you have to nick off at 4.30
*if you are coming back to a three-day week from fulltime etc be a bit proactive with your boss to make sure they have covered off the other two days with some other arrangements (if you work in a job that is usually expected to deliver things 5 days). Just recently someone who advises me has returned to work on a three day week and her boss didn't put in place a proper arrangement initially. Even though I am a parent myself this ticked me right off and I started thinking she was a bit rubbish - when in fact she is good on the three days she is in, it's actually her bosses' fault for not sorting out a proper arrangement to make her 3 day week work.

Can't help with Point 1.

Point 2: Book your childcare early ie when you've plenty of time to look round properly and find a creche/childminder etc you're happy with rather than rushing desperately because you're due to clock back in the next day. I was 19 weeks PG when I booked the place for DD. I'd also recommend putting your child into the childcare 'early' ie before you're actually back at work. It means you can do a slow induction to make sure the child settles well - and try and get some of those nursery bugs through the system before you need to extract yourself from work. Plus you get a couple of hours to kip during the day (for eg during teething) and can become nearly human again before heading back to work.

Food: and God said let there be internet supermarket shopping that is delivered. And lo, the grocery shop was delivered, and She saw that it was good. ESSENTIAL. Ditto meal planning, or at least having a damn good idea of what's for tea without flapping.

cleaning: basic only. Depends how housetrained your other half is. Keep the bathroom/kitchen cleanish to keep cholera at bay but don't worry beyond that.

Be prepared for the fact that you'll feel like you've done a day's work before you even get to work.

Find out what your manager's attitude is to taking time off if your child is sick and is bounced from the creche. I went back to a different manager and ended up with the union and HR involved. I've since gone PT and changed back to my pre-mat leave manager and she has a completely different attitude (so far!).

Don't feel too guilty; there's nothing wrong with you if you can not face staying at home with your offspring 24/7 and want/need to work to stay sane (as well as for the filthy lucre). Good luck.

Agree with sharing housework and organising night before. Went back to work after 6 years as Sahm. Top tip ask mates for help. My friend recruited staff and kindly helped me shear my cv down to essentials. Top tip 2 go to an agency and be flexible. I took a job for a week then got a second placing. Still there 2 years later. Salary increased 3 times. Recently promoted. Biggest surprise is that genuinely I am sought after. I have pre children experience am mature so responsible and not having more kids considered more eager/hungry/desparate and will work hard.

I have just returned to work after 8 years off, in a completely different area to what i did before. I volunteered at cab for a year and a half first and it was invaluable, both to give me something to waffle on about in competence based interviews and also as a trial run to get childcare sorted. It is still a shock and I am shattered but loving it! It's hard and there is two of us chipping in, I am full of admiration for those that manage to do it alone. Good luck to those trying to find work now, there are still good jobs out there honest!

www.entitledto.co.uk is a really good site for trying out different options and how they will affect your tax credits, childcare costs and so on.