Struggling with my pt job for first time in over 3 years

[Rollergirl1]

I have two DC's, nearly 5 and 2 1/2. My eldest DD started school in September and has just started doing full days this week. DS is set to start at pre-school 2 afternoons a week from next week. Currently I work 3 days a week in the job that I used to (full-time)do pre children. Up until recently I have always found it to be quite a good balance for me and the children. Both DC's used to go to Nursery 3 days a week but since DD started school back in September (and went mornings only for the first term) I had to switch to a childminder. The childcare is working out fine and now that DD is attending school full time our childcare costs will be the least that they have been since I went back to work. Still I find myself increasingly thinking about stopping work to be a SAHM.

I don't really know why this is. I was itching to get back to work after both my maternity leaves (a year long each). The thought of being a SAHM mum back then filled me with dread. However I am finding my work at the moment really quite tough. My workload is quite heavy at the moment and I am having to put in extra hours just to get things done and I still feel like I am not achieving or performing to my best. And as a knock-on to this I am also feeling that I am distracted and stressed around DH and the children on the days that I don't work. For the first time ever I feel like I am not performing either roles well.

To add to this I think my DD starting school has had a big impact on me. I feel like I want and need to be around more for her then when she was at Nursery. I want to be able to take and pick her up from school more than the 2 days that I can currently do.

The decision for me to go back to work was not driven financially. Once we have paid our childcare costs there is not that much left from my wages, although as mentioned the childcare costs will drop significantly now and be the least they have ever been. We could definitely afford for me not to work. But I wanted to go back to keep my hand in and to do something other than being a Mum.

Now I'm feeling that the stress and headache of having to juggle childcare and my work, when I am not especially devoted to my job, and also not particularly enjoying at the moment, is really worth it all in the end?

I don't want to make a decision that I will regret but am feeling so despondent about my work at the moment and can't really work out what I should do.

Has anyone felt like this? Did you make any changes and if so were they for the better?

Feel exactly as you do and am contemplating applying for voluntary severance having worked FT for the last 22 years. I have two children, 6 and 8 and also feel like they need me more now. I get to take them to school and pick them up twice a week but I am distracted and grumpy at home as I often bring work home with me. I feel as if I'm doing a fairly lousy job for both my kids and my employer as a result.

My big worry is 'keeping my hand in 'too. I've got a professional role that pays v well but DH and I have squirelled money away for years so we could afford to lose my salary.

I have to decide whether to apply for voluntary severance within two weeks and it's given me a few sleepless nights. Good luck with what you decide to do.

I think it is a whole new ball game when children start school. It's much harder than with babies and toddlers.

The other thing is that work is getting tougher for everyone irrespective of whether you have children or not - squeezed profit margins mean firms need to get more out of you for less, the effect of redundancies and even the right to flexible working means that there is less capacity but more work to do.

I personally would feel nervous in this climate about giving up work but I completely understand why you would need to do this. The primary school years are so precious and as a parent you are needed more than ever.