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Original poster

please be gentle

11 replies

loreli · 06/01/2011 10:38

Hi guys. I have been on ML for a year and am returning next week. My DS is 10 months old and i have just dropped him off for his first settle in session at nursery. I have cried solidly for a week and just literally threw him at the carer and ran out crying. I feel like an idiot but also feel like someone might as well be saying "ok you need to cut off your arm with this blunt saw" for how horrible I feel. I am fortunate to have been able to negotiate returning part time despite the fact that we will be skint! Does anyone have any advice and does it get better? Right now I feel I am abandoning DS to be cared for by strangers.

OP posts:
LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 06/01/2011 10:43

You are not abandoning him but its normal to feel like this. He will enjoy it but it may take a while for you to!

Simic · 06/01/2011 11:16

I felt like this too -completely. I think I'd have preferred cutting off my arm with a blunt saw tbh.
What made a big difference for me was that my ds got older! I now find with a two year old that I don't feel so bad about it. Also the carers become less of strangers. You get to know them, he gets to know them. Then gradually it becomes normality. And if you have to go back to work for financial reasons then your going back to work also has a positive side for him... (even if just relatively fewer worries about money in the family than if you were worse off with no second income at all).

emy72 · 06/01/2011 12:05

Ah join the club.

I went to a settling in session with my 16 month old DD2 and she was really clingy. I am dreading leaving her...

Gonzo33 · 06/01/2011 12:50

(((HUGS))) it is heartbreaking to begin with, and sometimes at other times too. However it does get better I promise. Persevere things will come good in the end.

arabella36 · 06/01/2011 13:13

I'm in the exact same situation! My baby starts this week! How did your baby find it? Other people have told me I'll find it harder than the baby

Original poster
loreli · 06/01/2011 13:40

thanks for all your support. He was ok for the first short session but I stayed with him. I am picking him up in an hour, he has done 4 hours today. I actually think this is the longest we have been apart since he was born! I just worry as he is going through a stage of only sleeping in his cot (so I know he will have cried lots and will be tired) and just this week he has started being really clingy and climbing up my leg to be carried all the time. I understand 9/10 months is the clingy time so that is just great!!! I honestly never thought it would be this hard. To think when I was pregnant all I kept saying was "I am going back to work, this won't affect my career." Right now I couldn't care if I never worked again!!

OP posts:
arabella36 · 06/01/2011 13:58

Awh, it does sound hard! Best of luck to you! I'm starting to feel nervous about it too. Oh well has to be done. . .

Simic · 07/01/2011 11:01

I would just say that when you are there, let him be as clingy as he likes. He'll be sensing that you're tense and he'll be trying to adjust to the new situation so just indulge yourselves and let yourselves be each other's "comforter" or even therapy! I am away from my 23 month old for five or six hours a day and the rest of the time we CUDDLE!

Original poster
loreli · 07/01/2011 16:57

just an update especially for arabella36 - didnt post yesterday as I think DS and I were both shell shocked. I picked him up and they gave me a minor incident form as he had fallen and hit his head, he had a big bruise. He had refused to eat and refused to sleep and was sobbing. I felt the worst I have ever felt but he came home ate lots and had a sleep and woke up as good as new. He has done a full day today and I was in a bad way again dropping him off. However he has slept, eaten fish pie and cake and custard (ignoring the last item as I have spent last few months of weaning him and giving no sugar!!!)and played happily. He looked very tired but happier so I feel happier. I guess we both just have to get used to it!

Simic - you are right he is being very cuddly (normally he just likes to poke my face and wriggle!) so I am taking advantage and having lots of cuddles!

Good luck arabella36, let me know how it goes.

OP posts:
EBDteacher · 10/01/2011 06:23

I am leaving mine with his (lovely and extremely competent) childminder (who he has already spent lots of time with) for the first time today.

I actually feel like I have agreed to leave him on a hillside to be eaten by wolves Sad so you are not alone. I am going to work but I don't think I'm going to be doing much work!

Hope it gets better this week loreli.

Original poster
loreli · 12/01/2011 22:43

thanks EBDteacher. Went back yesterday and it was awful. I cried all Monday night to the point where I thought I was going to be sick. I dropped DS off at nursery and he cried so i cried all the way into work. I got into work and everyone was LOVELY so supportive and saying they were glad I was back. I rang nursery to check on DS at lunchtime and he had eaten all his lunch, played and was having a sleep so I relaxed a bit. Left early and practically ran to the nursery to get him and he was fine and happy. Today was better again and I actually spoke to people at work without thinking I was about to cry! I think it will take time before I am a)used to the new routine of get up and get out for work with a baby, b)like work again, c) fully relax leaving baby with strangers BUT! I think it will come and that is a step better than I felt on Monday. Good luck to you too x

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