How long does it take to get used to work?

[headinspin]

I have been back at work from maternity leave for three (long) weeks - this is a job/career that I love(d) - and I am hating it. I resent spending time away from DS- I am being horrible to DP as I resent the fact that he is spending time with DS and doesn't seem to realise what a bonus this is plus he isn't helping with the logistics at all and I feel totally uncommitted to my job -I find I spend the whole day working out when I can leave etc. I need to work financially (and I had always thought intellectually)and had decided that fulltime was the best option (but would consider trying 4 days if I had given full time a proper trial)

I just wondered how long it took others to get used to it and any tips.
Its being exacerbated by not being busy (because of xmas)and having to reestablish my role

1. 3 weeks is too short to evaluate anything (particularly if you took a lengthy ML). Give it more time

2. There is nothing worse than not being busy enough at work. When you are busy, and intellectually engaged with your work, the time goes much quicker

3. Don't mean this harshly, but you have had quite a few months at home with your ds. Don't begrudge your DP for now having his 'turn'. Try to clarify the issues in your mind: this is not about you, but about your ds, and as long as the care you've got is good quality and he's happy (which presumably is the case!) then his needs are being met and he'll thrive. In fact, you are giving him a huge gift by enabling him to build trusting relationships with others rather than keeping him all to yourself to serve your needs. Don't confuse your desire to not work with meeting your child's needs

I'm sure it will all settle down after xmas anyway, and you won't look back

Is your DP a SAHD?

It gets better. Make yourself do 6 months and you'll find it gets much better well before that. Relish the cup of coffee you get to have at your desk without anyone screaming/whinging/vomiting at you (and if you don't have the cup of coffee at your desk first thing, make it happen!).

Honestly though I never found work the same again as the logistics were so tricky. But then I worked part time after being full time (now on maternity leave again) which changed things.

You sound like I did. I feel for you, it will get better.

I would agree with plantsitter, you need at least 6 months. I felt like jacking it in almost weekly.

I personally also suffered from 'maternity leave rose tinted glasses'. I couldn't have carried on living as I was (going to lots of baby classes, lots of lattes out, buying DS what I wanted, driving everywhere in our gas guzzler) if I hadn't have gone back to work.

I found maternity leave very magical - you can focus on DC, all that spare time with not much to do! But in my more realistic moments I knew that if I was at home without my salary it would have been a very frugal (and house bound!) life...

It is no wonder it is all suck a shock, prior to birth all you had to do was get yourself up and out, now you have 2 (or maybe 3 if you include DH needing stuff sorting for him!)...plus everything is now on a deadline - get the train to get in early enough, leave on time, get to the nursery on time etc. And I also felt the "shadow" of my former working - workaholic - self leaning over me!

During these 6 months you can always think about what is and what isn't working - there might be things you can change; working patterns, childcare drop off and pick up pattern, working from home etc.

I struggled for most of my first year back with my really full on job. I moved from 3 to 4 days and felt SO much better. I think for me working more made me feel part of the full time working community rather than the SAHM community, I personally felt at 3 days I wasn't either. However I know lots of people who do 3/2 days and it works well for them.

What worked well from us was to write a list of who does what in terms of household (and DS) management, you need to write it all down and then divide it up and keep the list somewhere. My DH is "good" when it comes to being hands on at home, but does need prompting, I have given up hoping he'll think to do x, so we just now have a list!

And yes, keep focusing on the good things about working - more money, continuing a career you worked hard on, dressing up in 'office clothes' (well I do), peace when eating and a chance to go to the shops etc.

I also liked how disinterested staff were in my DS, it was so refreshing! Co-worker: "How is x?", me "Fine thanks". Co-worker: "Great, have you see the Anderson file?" etc.

Maybe set a deadline in June to review?

WS

I'd give yourself a good six months before making any decisions.

I agree with previous posters; you need to allow 6 months.

My first 3 weeks back to FT working were absolute hell on earth, but it has slowly got better and easier.

I do think that 4 days a week is the ideal, so am aiming to try to reduce my hours once I've been there long enough.

Most of the time I am so busy at work, I don't have time to miss the DC; but I cherish the ability to read a book on the train and to drink a cup of coffee in peace

My DH stays home 2 days a week to look after them and I think it is good for the DC and for him to have that time.

For me it was the best decision, after 3 years at home it was enough. The money runs out and you cannot carry on with the coffee mornings, etc.