2.8 year old has reacted badly to be going back to work

[Gangle]

I went back to work last week after 9.5 months of maternity leave for DS2, 9 months. I've only worked 4 days so far and only working another 2 days then off for 2 weeks over Christmas. DS1, 2.8, has been quite upset at me going back to work. Begs me not to leave in the morning and asks for me throughout the day. He was fully toilet trained but literally the day I went back to work started pooing in his pants again. I am heartbroken as me going back to work must be really upsetting him for him to react in this way. We have a new nanny so that has also taken some getting used to plus we were out of the country in the US for 4 months whilst I was on maternity leave. We came back to the UK at the start of December then I went back to work 2 weeks later. Their dad is still in the US so they are possibly missing him as well although neither DS1 or DS2 are close to him and have only asked about him once or twice. What can I do to make things right for him? Am back to a 4 day week in Jan but now thinking I need to take unpaid leave to look after my little boy and just make sure he is ok. So so hard.

My heart goes out to you. I think a lot of it is due to their age. My DD was the same at that age, and she was being left with Nana who she adored.

Try when you get home to have some time with just the two of you, does DS2 go to bed earlier - use your nanny to have everything done. It is hard with DH away, mine often travels and is tough doing it all.

Can you leave an activity with the Nanny and get Nanny to make clear it is from mummy. Even if you just print out some colouring in from the Internet.

Can you take this Friday off so you have a long break?

At his age, they can be quite clingy in my experience (have 4 DC's), so just remind him you're there and good luck.

thanks Fraz mum. Am only working today and tomorrow then off for 2 weeks so will have lots of time with him then but think I should also make sure he keeps up contact with the new nanny. Working at home this morning and have witnessed him being very difficult with her saying go away and why are you taking me away from Mummy? So upsetting, makes me feel like I should give up work. It is definitely harder without DH as everything rests on me. Maybe he feels I'm going to go away too.

Don't give up - hang in there. Unfortunately as you know guilt is huge for us working mums. His whole world has been turned upside down in the last couple of months - the whole family including you need time to settle into your new life.

Agree, it is a good idea if your new nanny can come in a little bit even if it is just for a few hours a couple of times. Maybe you, the DC's and nanny could go on an outing and have some fun together?

DC's are also very good at playing adults off against each other. My oldest two are now teenagers and still try that one on occassionally.