Going back to work full time and in need of some positive points!

[Mybabysmellsofbiscuits]

Hi All,

Having a bit of a struggle at the moment about going back to work full time, baby girl is 7 months and I plan to go back to work full time at the end of Jan.
This isnt my choice, we are already living on a shoe string and concerned that if I dont go back full time we will not be able to afford to have a good quality of life. As much as I'd love to stay at home in my nice cosy maternity bubble or work part time, its not going to be possible :(
Have heard soooooo many reasons why I should stay home, but faced with no alternative would like to hear from some mummies who have gone back full time and have positive things to say!

Help! x

Hi there - well this is a while ago now but I went back to work full-time when ds2 was 6 months old. I can't say it was easy - particularly at first - lots of tears on the way to work/home, when I was trying to race from work to home...

But I love working, even when it's stressful and hard, and ds2 and I are so close and always have been (he's 6 now) that I have no guilt about it affecting our relationship. My job gives me confidence and (I think) means that when I'm with ds's, I can give them lots of attention and energy 'cos I've missed them and am ready to throw myself into Mummy things

Hey - in an ideal world, going back to work part-time might have been much better, but we can't always make things ideal, so if you don't have a choice, don't beat yourself up about it - be confident about going back and the balance of work (where you get to have coffees without children on your knee - and adult conversations! ) and homelife will be great. And your dd will love you no matter what - and make sure you plan lots of holidays - even just taking the odd day off if going away isn't financially possible

I'll share my own experiences and that of my own mother to highlight some of the positive points!

• My mum was a SAHM for us growing up - we didn't appreciate it! Other mums had cool jobs. We weren't right to not value it, but the perception of kids is warped - if you do something mildly interesting one day your kids may respect that!

• My mum was forced back into work when my dad (sole earner for 20 years) fell ill, now she's in a low end job and they're barely able to meet the mortgage payments - having multiple earners gives you an extra safety net against circumstances entirely outside your control, illness, accident, redundancy, downsizing, being unhappy in a job so wanting to move

• Similar to above, you don't end up financially reliant on a mix of luck and your DH's earnings to provide for you in later life, you'll get National Insurance contributions fully paid, possiblity to enter into a pension,etc

• Working can be fun and you may get to do interesting training :) Not always and every day of course, but it gives outside stimulation that I was missing when I did time at home fulltime

• Most important to me it gives DH a chance to be just as involved with childcare. I don't want my kids dad to be one of those who goes to pieces if I ever need a stay in hospital, i don't want to be the only one who knows how to change a nappy, i don't want my kids to see me most of the time and their dad almost never (because he'd have to work more hours, put in more effort into keeping his employer happy if we could only rely on his earning potential)

• Re-distribution of specific areas of stress! Your DH doesn't have the full responsibility of being the only earner (don't underestimate how scary that is, ime), you don't feel like you're the only one doing all the house stuff

• Your earning potential, even if you were to go back fulltime, is massively increased since you'll likely be able to continue working when DCs are in school fulltime - in the expeirence of friends, they've had an horrific time trying to get BACK into any form of employment after 6 or 7 years out. even for my professional, 2-degrees best friend who was previously a high-flyer - she's currently retraining as she just couldn't get back into her industry after so long out, no one would take a punt on hiring her in this economy with fresh competition or part-timers who can be hired for more hours. really frustrating!

You'll see some of the downsides yourself, but I really wouldn't miss out on realising some of the huge advantages you'll have by going back to work :)

Very good post frgr.

A key point is to separate what YOU might ideally want, with what your childrens needs are.

My own mother was a SAHM and I don't think it necessarily did my siblings or me' any good. It probably made us rather over reliant on her being around, and also meant my father did very little around the home.

She would have been far more fulfilled long term by working

I have just gone back to work full time after having DD 11 months ago and just completed my second week.

It's not been easy and I have discovered I have to be fantastically organised to get myself and DD ready of a morning. My first week was a disaster zone of rushing about and forgetting things but this week has been much better as I'm getting the hang of things.

DD is in a nursery, which I spent a bit of time picking to make sure I was totally comfortable with it and DD started there a week before I was due back at work and we gradually built up her hours to full time over that week.

It seemed a bit daft to spend money on nursery fees when I wasn't back at work but I'm glad I did that as it meant that DD was fairly settled by the time I was due back at work which made the transition for me on day 1 much easier. And of course having great childcare means that I'm not worrying about her all day.

I'm enjoying doing something for me, getting to finish a cup of coffee whilst it's still hot and having the option to do what I want in my lunchhour - today I pottered around a waterstones totally unemcumbered by pram, screaming baby etc then went for lunch in a lovely coffee shop and read a newspaper.

I'm also enjoying the mental stimulation I get from my job and having adult company and conversation.

frgr makes some great points too - I've certainly noticed my DP starting to pull his weight on the childcare this last fortnight whereas previously he was lazy tended to leave things to me.

I won't lie, it was scary doing the leap from maternity leave to full time work and I've had moments of doubt and guilt but it's all forgotten when I get home and DD sees me and her face lights up and she lifts her arms up for a hug...wouldn't change it for the world!

Great to see a post like this. I started back FT a few wks ago when DD was 7mths. Again, no choice financially so have tried not to think about the alternatives BUT there are a lot of good things:

As frgr said, it is almost invariably the best thing career wise. In my industry part time work is pretty much career death, so if you like what you do FT undoubtedly a wise move. I know several people who have negotiated going back part time but have had to take a pay grade or responsibility level cut.

Mental stimulation! I absolutely adore DD and she's ridiculsouly easy to look after but, I'm ashamed to say, I did get bored towards the end of maternity leave. Going back has been stressful and hectic but I'm genuinely enjoying my days at work.

Also, good point about DP/DH responsibility. Because of the pressure on both of us to get out of the door on time in the morning we really have to work as a team. I do still end up doing pretty much everything in the evenings as DP works long hours, but in our situation, that's something I can put up with.

Of course- I also have huge amounts of guilt, and worry about DD developing a clingy streak (no sign yet!), but do try and focus on the positives and good luck!

I am going back to work when my daughter is 5 months old and my husband is going to stay at home. I would love to hear from others who are doing the same. I miss working and the stimulation it gives me and, as much as I adore my daughter, I am looking forward to going back. I feel very lucky to have the best of both worlds being able to go back to my career while my daughter is at home with her Dad. I know it won't be easy to leave her but I know it is right for our family :)

YOur DD will catch all the bugs going at nursery or wherever, week in week out.

BUT

when she goes to school , her immune system wil be iron clad, and she will shake off germs which fell the other children

Agree with all of the above and just to add, I find working 5 days a week better from a work perspective than when I did 4.

You get treated as a normal colleague and given proper projects and responsibilities rather than leftover jobs other people in the team don't want to do - when I did 4 days it seemed that my boss thought that was all I needed to be happy with work and I would put up with whatever crap tasks I was given.

She was wrong, I have a new job now - you also feel more able to move jobs when you are working full-time anyway, when you work part-time you worry you will not be able to get the same hours somewhere else and you can get stuck somewhere you are not happy, I found deciding to work full-time very freeing in this way.

Oh and another thing that I don't think has been mentioned - if you use a nursery, in many cases the fees are staggered so that 4 days a week is pretty much the same cost as 5 days.

I've been back to work FT since daughter has been 9 months old - by "back" I mean i handed my notice in for my old job within a week of returning in favour of a much much better job.
I've got a long day (30 mile commute), but feel safe in the knowledge that my child is really happy at her nursery and is having a great time there.

Working fulltime in a job that I love does loads for my self esteem, but I'm no SAHM material anyway.

Our daughter is a night owl like my husband and I, too, so she doesn't go to bed before 9PM, which means we get family time to spend together in the evenings.

I've no regrets, and wouldn't change a thing.

Thanks for posting all this. I am also going back to work full time in January which is the right thing for us to do financially at least until we can move house but was getting worn down with total lack of support/understanding from my mum and unhelpful comments from friends. It is really nice to hear from others who have done it.

My mum made one comment - only the one! - nothing overt, just some sort of mumbling about 'Well, people seem to do things differently nowadays!' - I gave her very short shrift! As I said above, I think the real truth is that she herself was probably quite frustrated by the time she got to her 40s, and the extent of her working life was doing a little school hours job to fit around us kids. TBH she was a very bright woman, who was underemployed for pretty much her entire working life. I'm not laying any blame with her, as she was of a generation where it wasn't expected that mothers worked, and there were very few childminders and no nurseries. But I think it left her feeling that she'd missed out on something.

Rise above the comments. If people were totally happy with their own choices, they wouldn't be making any comments to you

.I really needed to read this thread, as I too will be going back to work in Feb when my dd is 6 months, I am dreading leaving her, its wrenching my heart, I know its the right thing to do financially for our family, tbh its the only thing we can do, but hood to hear some positive stories x

I decided to phase in my return to work. I was initally dreading it both for having my maternity bubble popped and for being seperated from my best buddy DS. So i decided to use some of my keeping in touch days to do one day a week for a month and a half before actually returning. That way DS also had an opportunity to get used to nursery.

It worked great and DS settled into nursery really well which gave me confidence and you get to 'practice' getting yourself organised and accustomed to getting up and ready in morning and dropping off and picking up DC from nursery.

It also gradually got me used to going back to work which i actually found really enjoyable as i was not suddenly hitting the ground running and having the shock of suddenly returning full time. I would definately recommend doing this in January it will make it much easier to swallow.

I also agree with previous posters in that work has a new meaning to me now that i have my DS which, if anything, gives me a renewed enthusiasm for work. i want to provide for my DS and make sure he has a lovely life and we can put money away for his future and for ours. i want to make my DS proud of my achievements as well as myself. I also prefer to work more now and put money away/ into pensions/ savings where we can and have the potential of DH and i retiring earlier and spend time with kids when they are older and can remember more. I also agree that nurseries are good for babies and they have a great time there and whilst the prospect of nursery will always seem daunting (i was in tears all weekend before first session) once your DC has settled you will see how much they enjoy it and seeing that smile on their face when you pick them up at the end of the day makes it all worthwhile!

I read some MN comment before returning to work which rally helped. We have to do it so instead of dreading it try and find some enjoyment from your work and get something out of it rather than seeing it as a black cloud.

Thank you all so much for your comments. I definitely feel a lot better about going back. I plan to just make sure we have lots of nice things to work towards like moving house and having a family holiday next year. As long as I stay positive, I think it'll go fine.
We are in the fortunate position that family have come up trumps for us and will be managing our childcare virtually for free which is a massive bonus as I'm sure you nuresery mums will understand.
I have also managed to wean DD off of the breast and on to bottles in the last few days which has made me feel massively more confident about leaving her with someone else and her being ok.
I hope everyone who is in the same boat as me has a positive experience with going back, fingers crossed it will all work out for us! x

This thread has made me feel so much much better..I leave 11 month old dd w childminders early Jan..so not long left now..gulp!
Hv done going to work bit before when I left ds at nursery at 8 mo..he's now 6..guess I should feel more confident,but don't know y all the old anxieties r back.
Also this time round I'm a student,so I'm worried about one thing..I really want to enjoy my evenings with them rather than wanting them to get to bed quickly so I can start swotting..anyone else out there in this position?
Also how do u folks sort ur mornings out?hv to be at the cm @7.45,so may hv to wake her up..i know this sounds silly but I'm really fretting abt waking her

The first couple of weeks will be hard, but then it will get easier. I've been back FT for 7 weeks now and it really is much better.

We need to be out of the house by 7:20am so I wake the DSs up if they haven't woken up in time. But bags, clothes, food, etc is all prepared and laid out the night before. It's impossible otherwise.

The positive things for me are:

1. Reading books again (on my train commute)
2. Having a hot drink whilst it is still hot
3. Adult conversation
4. Feeling like my own person (not just mum)
5. Mental stimulation
6. Extra cash so no financial worries

I'm not sure if part time is better than full time as I've not tried it, but I suspect 4 days may work better for me.

So glad for this post I've been off work sick from Nov09 when my severe SPD was unmanageable, then mat leave from Jan09-til now. I am about to go back in 2 weeks time when DS1 will be 10.5 months.

It's going to break my heart to leave him as I have spent most of my mat leave recovering, and it's only now that I feel physically able to take him out all by myself for a short walk (not in this ice though!) without being in constant pain.

I realise I have to go back, and in some ways I am looking forward to it. In other ways I am a total control freak and even leaving him with his grandparents is freaking me out!!! I know, I know I am very very lucky that they have offered, so I will just shutup now.

I am slightly resentful against some of my friends comments, who seem to think 'I should be grateful/or will be really glad' to get back to work, as if being at home all day must be so so boring. I think the difference for me is that I am just beginning to get back my physical body and therefore I am beginning to enjoy the time I have with DS. Not to worry at least I am able to read the wise advice from all your mumsnetters who have braved it all before me.
Thanks again for this post, making me feel better about returning.

thats definitely true suzihaha...laying everything out the night before is the only way i dont have a breakdown now on mat leave while dropping ds1 off to school...
this time round dd is older than ds,cm is lovely and v local to home..she has taken to the bottle,its going to be 4 days a week rather than crazy 11 hour shifts three days a week..so i r shd be more chilled out.

i just wonder if its going to be easier working rather than being a student parent?