what would you do?

[Scarlett175]

sorry in advance for uber longness..

DD is 8 months old- amazing. Before DD was very much career woman, worked hard to be manager and very well looked after financially for a great company that I love. Before she was born thought I would go back after 6 months FT, no problem.

Now she is here, I have been off for 8 months, planning on another 4, and cannot bear the thought of going back FT. The 'plan' me and DH had- was for me to go back FT, for 2 years, save loads and pay a big chunk of the mortgage which would mean our monthly bills are massively reduced and if we have DC no.2 around then, I could have the choice of being a SAHM. Whilst preggers I saved loads and have paid a bit off, so this is totally feasible.

But going back FT means only seeing DD for 2 whole days a week (DH would have her 2 days, nursery 3 days) and I don't know if I could bear it. Thinking now about asking about PT options- going down to 3 days which would keep my wages good pro-rata etc, but mean whilst monthly income good, not good enough to pay lump sum off.

Should I- go back FT (DD will be 1) slog it out til she is 3 and hopefully preggers again- and have secured a smaller mortgage, and environment for DD and future DC, or go back PT, have this time with DD now, and see what happens...

arrrrgh, help... thoughts please...

Arrrrrrgh they grow up so quickly.If you can aford to be with her I would.Little children need their mummies.Of course they adapt and possibley become very independant but if you can be with them during the early years it makes a huge difference in my opinion.

You will be able to have a career later on trust me you will.(or have 4!)

Hope this helps a little.

With DD1 I went back to full time after 6 months off- very career oriented. With DD2 I went back part after a year off - and I've loved it. I missed so much with DD1. you can never get these early years with your DC - I'd advise to stay with them if you can afford it.

I thought I'd go back full time too (I'll be going back in March after a year off), but I have now managed to change to part time (3 days per week) and I'm even dreading that... I'm going to miss DS so much and he's very clingy, I'm terrified he's going to find nursery traumatic. I always thought my career was important, I spent 8 years at university, many exams and lots of training to get where I am, but now I really couldn't care less about it, I genuinely think if we could afford it I wouldn't go back at all!

Listen, I was exactly the same after DS1. Went back part time for 2 months, hated it. Got made redundant and pregnant again in that time so just decided to be a SAHM. Fast forward two years and now that DS2 is 16 months I am back working FT. It's not easy but I am much happier.

So, if you don't feel like working FT now, don't. You can always up your hours later.

Well, I'd advise going back to work for a few months and see how you feel then. I always think that maternity leave is lovely, protected little bubble.

To make an informed decision, go back, give it a few months and then see how you feel. It doesn't have to be an either or thing.

Hi,

I went back when my DD was 8 months old, worked part time (3 days a week)and realised I no longer enjoy doing what I do. Now, after returning for 7 months I've recently handed my notice in and feeling very happy indeed. I'm planning to spend as much time with my DD whilst she is still young and see if there is anything else I could do, might set up on my own, will see. I don't know what you do for a living but I'd say life is too short to have regrets, go back, see how you feel for a few months and get out if in doubt. Explore all the options avaiable to you and your DH.

I was in the same situation as you 4 years ago after DD was born.

We sold the big house we lived in, moved north and downsized dramatically so I didn't have to go back to work. I didn't want to leave her 8-6 in a nursery, didn't want the struggle to cover illnesses and commuting problems, didn't want the stress of trying to fit everything in, every single day.

We were really lucky that we could do this - and it has totally been worth it. Can you downsize your house to reduce the mortgage payments?

I worked 4 days a week between DS1 and DS2, went back 4 days after DS2 but then got offered a promotion that meant workintg FT, I have done that for 18 months now and it is far harder than I though and I really miss my extra day with DS2 (although he is very happya nd loves his nursery). Now PG with no3 and planning to go back after a year but try and reduce my hours again.

Not sure what you do, but i found 4 days was great, gave me an extra day with the boys but still enabled me to keep my career going and do my job well. For me less than that would have been tricky and I think I would have ended up working far more evening and weekends to catch up

I would say definitely go back, at least you then you can see both sides and make a more informed decision

I'd go back PT. You never get those years again. They are the only years when you can be with them all day long. As soon as they reach school age, the option is gone, so FT makes more sense then. But don't give up your job entirely, if it's well paid and you love it, in case it gets harder to re-enter later on.

I'd go back PT. You can always do you 2 year plan to work FT later. Why do it when your children are then FT so young unless you want to?

Editing problem there. Meant to say why do FT when the children are so young unless you have to?

Why not go back full time, and see how it goes? In another 4 months, your dd will be one year, and you may feel ready to step back in. You could always rethink if you're not happy, but it makes sense to do it that way round than give up your right to your full time post before even trying it.

The other thing about your situation, is that you say your DH will be looking after your dd for 2 days, so tbh, in terms of childcare, you;ll only be paying part time anyway - and your dd gets to spend valuable time with her dad, who is just as important as you!!

I'm going back part-time (9 months in Feb). I am testing the water for DS and me - we are both very clingy and dreading the thought of leaving him!

Part-time can be upped to full time later on and will mean you don't fall out of the job market. I used to work in recruitment and found it can be harder to return to work with a gap on your CV.

If you can manage without the money it might be worth asking whether you can attach your three months parental leave to the end of your mat leave. I did it with DD2 and it was wonderful.