being sidelined after maternity leave - re-evaluating career as result

[needsometips]

My work has got several colleagues at my level, who are all a similar age to me, but still pre-kids in their party girl phase.

I have had 2 mat leaves, which weren't straightforward (got one DC with us still.

Have been told that 'cos of this, there isn't likely to be a promotion for me there ever (I asked at a meeting what the career progression for me would be like). It had been hinted at when I joined that I would be at the top of the company after a few years, but they said the situation has changed cos of what happened to me.

I suspect it will go to my party girl colleagues.

I'm actually reeling from this as I had imagined a future at this place.
The trust between us has gone as I think they have gone back on what they said, though I do understand that people show a lack of integrity when it comes to business matters and they are just being business-like.
There's not a lot else in my field at the moment and not part-time.
But I resent working there now, it's like there is nothing to aim for.
I guess I just need to find something else family friendly and be glad I have got 2 mat leaves and a whole lot of experience from it.

Motherhood took a long time to come for me, and has changed everything. Being a mum is hard graft - in fact that is why I was so glad to be back at work in the first place (oh to finish a cup of tea!) but now I miss my boy the days I am not with him. The lack of direction at work makes it feel even more futile.
We need the money at bit, but could manage. On the other hand if I gave up would I get back in?

How do you reassess your ambitions once you have a child? I really need some help in working this one out.
I think the major problem is that the colleagues are people without kids. So a)I have no-one who can empathise with my situation and b) they are seen as people who more work can be got out of and maybe c)they are both people who really want kids but not found the right person yet.

Well feel better for typing that out. I just don't know how to re-evaluate what I want out of my career now I have had a child.

Have they actually told you that because you have children you won't be promoted?

It's very hard to answer your question without further details but it sounds like you don't want to put details here?

Sounds as though you have several choices:

• you could fight for your rights at work and try to get back on the career track (although it doesn't sound as though you are up for this).
• you could stay in your current job, accpeting lack of promotion, but also enjoying(?) the balance between being a Mum and the benefits of a job (money, the chance to finish a cup to coffee etc).
• you could look for an similar job elsewhere where you think your skills would be appreciated more and you might have a better chance of a career.
• you could use this as an opportunity to plan a career change - perhaps retraining for something else, perhaps developing your own business - something that in the long term would give you more satisfaction.

fwiw, when I had my first dc, I found that my existing work ceased to see me as a career woman, and viewed me as a 'mummy'. When I changed jobs, they accepted me as the person they met at interview i.e. a prospective employee with career potential, it was very refreshing.

Hello thank you for the replies, it was really nice to log back on and read the.

Venus your tips were really helpful when I read them at work today weirdly everything then slotted into place.

I then went to speak to one of the people who was at the meeting I had to just check I had got the right message. She clarified things and it turns out there had been some miscommunication and the main boss was saying incorrect stuff and there might not be any career progression for anyone at all.

But I am so glad I have had this wobbly few days as it has helped me regroup.
I think accepting being on the mummy track now (as Venus says they see me differently now) is fine. It's worth it just to get to the end of a cuppa!
And just keeping an eye out for other stuff in the meantime especially for when DS is a school, and trying to maintain and improve my CV so that I am in a stronger position if and when I apply for other roles (where I will be new and therefore seen differently).

It has also clarified something.I think that going back to work became such a lifeline for me - mat leave was so much harder than I expected - that work became far too significant. It literally pulled me back into my Me identity, but the pre-baby me was more than just work.
I used to go to the gym a lot and see friends and there's just not the time these days.
So suddenly the thought of being stuck in a job no way forwards made me feel trapped.

I need to reclaim some of the "old pre-baby me" back - and more than just through being a working person.

Will have to give it some more thought.

Thanks for the replies, it has really helped me.

Glad you are feeling better - just wanted to say I agree with venus, it is easier to be seen as a professional at work if it is not the same job you had when you were pregnant. I had 2 pregnancies, 1st baby in job 1 which was great pre-baby and rubbish afterwards (thought they were very supportive of my pregnancy loss I have to say), 2nd baby in job 2 which was fine pre-baby and rubbish as soon as I got pregnant, and currently enjoying job 3. So I think it is very much about the job rather than the career.