Scared. Not like me at all! What are they doing to me!?

[whensitgunnahappen]

I relocated and changed industry 2 months ago. I have a proven track record of my achievements and am normally confident and self assured. I am having problems fitting in in my new job. And the group (I'm supposed to manage) just do nit accept me. They are clicky and obviously feel I'm not needed (one person in particular. Who applied for my job) I don't have any friends or family around me and dh works alot of hours. I'm always on my own. (dh in work today and it's my day off. I will be on my own from 7am to 11pm) it has really knocked my confidence. Especially as my employer feels like I'm not doing my job. They have told me that I'm not managing my team. Yet they don't want me to manage them in the way I'm used to. The way I know works for me. I don't feel like I'm being given a chance. Any suggestion of change is ridiculed and questioned, yet I thought that's what I was hired for?!? I'm really doubting my ability and am thinking of applying for jobs at entry level again because I clearly don't know what I thought I knew. It's my meeting this week with higher management about my probation. I have been told "unless the world stops turning" I will not be continuing in this position. I'm ok with that coz I'm sick of coming home in tears because they are so horrible to me. But I don't know what to say in the meeting. I love the company I work for and would love to stay with them. Would you step down and focus on having a life 1st? How can I suggest this without looking weak. I must add that the last 5 people in my position were "bullied" out in the same circumstance.higher management even made them sign a statement saying she wasn't being bullied. The majority of the team have told me she was clearly bullied by this one person but they were to scared to say anything. This one girl is LOVED by my superiors.

How miserable. Do you definitely think you're going? If so, tell them exactly how it is, and exactly why you've not been able to manage the team.

Is the one girl loved by the superiors the one who went for the job also? Why didn't she get it, must be a reason?

If the last 5 people have also left for the same reasons, then I would have thought management would have twigged that something's not quite right.

You have two issues I think.

1. "they don't want me to manage them in the way I'm used to. The way I know works for me."

You have made the most classic mistake of anyone starting a new job. You have immediately tried to change the culture. No. You need to fit in with the current culture, go with the flow and then work out if you can adapt it or not. It is you who needs ot fit with their rythem first, not the other way round. "The way I know works for me". No, it doesn't. Not here. the only time I would ever advocate someone shaking things up is when they were hired with those EXPLICIT instructions - ie "the department is falling to pieces - you need to make big changes and put your stamp on it". If that didn't happen then you need to tread carefully.

I don't actually agree with the previous advice. If you do want to stay I would suggest that the best approach may be to start with "I think I started off on the wrong foot and didn't appreciate how different this org/job is from my last one. I realise now that I have to adapt to the firm rather than vice versa. Can we move forward on that basis?" Something like that.

2. Your other problem is the bullying. If the firm is supporting the bully and letting other people go, then you need to work out yourself why, because the firm have already been told exactly how it is and have made people sign disclaimers. This woman must be more valuable to them (in their eyes) than the people who complain about her. What is it that they value? Work that out and then you have the key to working out how to deal with it - undermining her/removing her sphere of influence/removing the sting, whatever.

I don't think you should drop down a role or take a different role, but the solution here is to look at the role from other people's viewpoints - your staff in terms of you wanting to change things, and your bosses in terms of why they have been told about the bullying but allow it to continue.

Actually, I think StillSquiffy has a better point than me, esp about what to do if you want to stay.

Thank you, both of you. Squiffy, I realise the mistake I made initially. I was naive. I have already spoken to them about that and things have improved slightly. The 2nd issue you are totally right.She is allowed to behave in that manner as our business relies on building a personal customer base. She has been with the company years and our business would suffer if she left with those clients. She knows this, so feels untouchable. I am rapidly building my customer base and my sales aren't far behind her, I beat her some days. I just need time to build up the customer base, then I may stand a chance with her! but I feel like there's no time for me to do this. It will take months! The staff don't want change. but higher management requested it from me! they want me to change things without the team knowing. My breifing is really odd from them. thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it.