Does the guilt ever go away???

[OverflowingMum]

I have recently gone back to work after 5 years as a SAHM.
We have 6 kids aged 12,11,8,6,4 and 2.
I have had to go back to work at this point for financial reasons.
I do quite like my job, and I am lucky it is a good professional job, which I was lucky to get back into, and the pay is decent.
BUT I am just constantly eaten up by guilt
DS2 (2yrold) hates nursery and sobs every morning when I drop him off.I have just decided to make some changes to my hours to do 3 full days (was working same number of hours over 4 days before) so I can have 2 full days off, and have hired a Nanny, which DS2 will hopefully prefer and will hugely make life easier for me....
BUT now I am beside myself with guilt that my older kids will be collected from school by the Nanny and not me 3 days a week. I am sitting here sobbing just thinking about it.
I know I am being totally irrational, but I cant seem to help it.
So does the guilt ever go away??? When I wasn't working I felt guilty I couldn't afford certain things for the DC...now I'm guilty when I cant be there for them....
Am so fed up with it all
DH doesn't understand at all. All the decisions about childcare etc have been just a simple matter of figures and practicalities for him. I am so envious of him sometimes, that he doesnt feel like this. He just gets up and goes out to work, and thats it.No Guilt. No worry over who needs what for that day. No worrying about dropping a sobbing DS off at nursery. No worrying that one of the kids will be ill and school will ring to come and get them...
And no worrying that he isn't being the best parent he can be to them. Thats just apparently something for mothers to worry about. ALL THE TIME.

Hello... just picking up on this old thread. Can I say, as the child of a full time working mother, that I did not suffer one little bit from not having a SAHM. My sister and I had the most chaotic lives being trundled between various shady characters before and after school before getting ourselves home, fed and homework done from around age 11. I have no recollection of being jealous of my friends who were picked up from school, had their packed lunches made and just about everything else done for them. Instead I was fiercely proud of my clever mum, and my schoolfriends were in awe of my independence and freedom. So I have the huge luxury of not feeling guilty now I am a working mum, and I explain to my girls that I go to work because my skills are needed (slight exaggeration perhaps) and because I enjoy it, rather than just for money. I tell them that my mum worked too, and that I was proud of her for being a clever doctor. So there. Good quality childcare, combined with proper time spent with your children makes for independent, well-balanced kids. Definitely better than being at home 24/7 and sticking your kids in front of teh telly while you do housework.
I hope that helps any working mums out there.

I know it is an old thread, but it did strike a chord. When I worked full-time I felt guilty of not being there, and it seemed all much nicer to be at the school gate every day. Now that I am working for myself, only during school hours, I have learned it isn't like that. Parents of multiple children (I have only one, so it seems impossible one can have 6 children and manage to hold down an job and run all child-related stuff too! Totally impressive) aren't at each sports match and drama performance either. And also don't spend huge amounts of time with each kid. Eg. I am at each swimming lesson now, but get actually so bored I probably watch DS less than when I only came once in 3 months. I have to admit I do feel less guilty though. DH doesn't feel guilty, ever, he just puts it on me: our son needs someone at home darling....I think expectations have a lot to do with what you have been brought up to believe. Lots of men are brought up to believe they need to 'provide for the family'..I know it's old-fashioned but still true in my experience...if they don't (eg. are unemployed) they DO feel guilty.

Will the guilt ever go away? Might not entirely, but there is really no need to feel guilty and you can learn to manage it. I have just published an article that helps you sort through the questions, do have a look at www.mumandcareer.co.uk/the-guilt-trip-let-it-go/