Have been told 'don't have another baby any time soon'

[flyingcloud]

I work full time, have a 10mo DD.

Recently I was asked by another department to help them out with some work as I have specialist knowledge of what they require. I don't really have the time to do this but they said my salary would reflect the increase in work.

My current line manager isn't too happy (due to time that it will require), but as this is coming from the big boss she doesn't have a huge amount of choice. In recent conversation she said she was really happy with my work and she appreciated my work load and was worried for me taking on any more.

She then went on to say 'things are working really well now as they are, just don't go and have another baby any time soon'.

Can she say this? How should I have reacted? I really want another baby and hoped to start trying in the New Year. I don't need the guilt and the pressure that her comment has implied.

FWIW I took 8 wks maternity leave and hope to take a proper what for my second child.

Very mixed messages from work here and I don't know how to handle it!

I very much doubt she was seriously instructing you not to have another baby. That decision is entirely up to you, I'm sure she just meant that maternity leave would cause her a bit of a headache, but that's not your problem.

Was she joking? If not,
There is no way she should have said that!

FWIW my boss said "why on earth would you want to do that?" when I told him I was pg with my DD! He was joking. I think

Depends whether it was a jokey comment in the manner of, "Just don't break the other leg any time soon" (= find, though possibly poor judgement in a manager) or whether she really meant it.

I'd laugh and rise above it, tbh, unless they say or do anything that is clearly discriminatory and actionable, in which case you get tough.

Weeeeeeeeeeeell - are you sure it wasn't a light-hearted/sort of in jest comment?

She could be venting some of her frustration on the current set up, i.e. you've only just gone back and you're already being 'diverted' into another department. Can't be easy for her either.

Of course she can't say this to you and mean it (or at least I don't think so!), but was it really serious?

What did you say in return?

I would imagine it was a joke.

Perhaps even meant as a compliment - I know, I know! but maybe she was saying you are so invaluable that those 8 weeks without you were hell!

Don't let it form part of your family planning decision!

To me that just sounds like a way of saying "We don't want to have to manage without you" which is a compliment to your work and attitude etc. I don't think it sounds like "Don't you dare get pg!" in a negative sense at all. I'm guessing she doesn't shower you with compliments in general and expects you to know you are valued?

Sounds like a jokey compliment.

Thank you all - didn't expect to get many replies.

She asked me recently if we were planning on having another any time soon. I laughed and said 'not if DH can help it' which was sort of my response again here.

I would probably think that yes, it was meant in a light-hearted way, but there was an undercurrent of 'you'll be letting us down if you do'. She is 58, unmarried and totally dedicated to her job. While I was on ML this year - one person got fired for gross misconduct and another was transferred to a different part of the company. She had a mini-breakdown as a result of this.

I actually work in another country, reporting to them, so am very hard to replace while on leave without sending someone here on secondment which would be very costly.

My old boss used to say this to me all the time. She used to say I wasn't 'allowed' to get pregnant. She relied on me heavily and I took it for the compliment it was intended to be. When I got pregnant she was absolutely fine and I had no hesitation in telling her.

I hope she is joking, when i went back work after taking maternity leave (statutory 9 months) i had a massive falling out with my bosses over holiday allowance, she actually shouted at me and said 'do you realise how much you have cost this company, we never get to take time off you know'. Things have never been the same since and they are forever saying they dont want anyone having anymore babies (im the only person to ever take maternity leave).
They even asked the new girl in her interview if she was planning on having children and will very often say they have put it in her contract that she cant have any.
As you can appreciate i cant stand my job but i am struggling to find something with the same hours and pay.
God knows what their reaction will be next year as we are planning to have another then.

Anyway not all companies are the same and sometimes people make comments like that to just emphasise that you are needed.