To return or not to return???

[vickie]

Hi, Im due back to work after a year of exxtended maternity leave. I love being with DD and find motherhood really fulfilling. I dont find my job remotely fulfilling and am only returning because I am well paid. We can survive without my salary but it means making a few cutbacks. DD booked into nursery and I left her for an hour yesterday and when I returned she had screamed the place down. It broke my heart.

I dont want to kick off any arguments about working mothers vs SAHM in regard to quality of childcare, but I genuinely wonder what people think who have been or maybe are in a similar position and can advise. Im not worriied about the nursery as it is a really good nursery, but I suppose Im wondering if there's any real positives to going back to work as I dont really want to go back...do things get easier or better?

Vickie, Hi, my ds is 16 months and has been at nursery since 4 months whilst I work 3 days a week. Some weeks i love working, some weeks I hate it. It's swings and roundabouts really. It is hard leaving them at first and you will be gutted, but that feeling does get better, I promise. Especially when they are old enough to run up to you when you collect them!

Only you can decide what is right for you.

vickie Im a SAHM and used to work full time before I had my dd. I wanted to give up work when I had her so I did. But in hindsight I wish Id have carried on part time as I was given that option. I think I would have felt less isolated and also I put her in nursery part time anyway so it wouldnt have made any difference to her. As for the crying at nursery they do get over this and both of mine do really love nursery now. I would do what you think is best for you. Do you have the option of working part time if you feel full time is too much?

If you don't want to go back, you can afford not to and your partner supports you in the decision, why are you even considering it? I work part time and like the change but if you don't, then I don't see why you are worrying.

I found the return to work much more positive than I had expected - I always knew I would return, so never really thought much about staying at home, but I did not expect to feel so much happier! I wasn't that enamoured of work before I had children, so it was even more of a surprise to find how essential it was to my well being. I work part time though and that's important to me in terms of balance.
My advice would be to give it a few months and see how you feel. I do think there are long term advantages for most women to staying in work (in terms of mental health and financial independence) but I also feel that for those who really know they would be more fulfilled at home, then that's what they should do if they possibly can.

I went back full time when dd was 5.5 months. I do feel that I have missed out in some ways but I am still glad I went back. They have just agreed I can go part time - that is the ideal solution I think.

I am just about to go back part time and really think (ignoring the financial impact on the family) that it is the best decision for me. I believe that I need something for myself, I don't want to put my career on hold and would hate to have no financial independence. I think my DD will enjoy being in a nursery and that I will be a better mum as a result of getting out of the house. Everyone is different and I think the difficult thing is that there isn't one answer; it is all about weighing everything up and deciding what is best for you.

Vickie,
I'm currently on extended maternity leave with no.2, but felt like you when I went back part-time after no.1. I had to go back three months anyway or pay back money. I have to say I loved being back at work and it really surprised me how much more I enjoyed my job when I didn't now see it as my number one priority. I was more relaxed about the office politics etc.
I would say try it for three months and see how it goes. You can always go down the SAHM route then if you think that's best.

I have been at home with dd for nearly a year and really need to go back to work. I love her dearly and don't wont to leave her but i feel so isolated at home, we are out everyday have joined numerous groups but have found that unless you join these things when the baby is young the women already form bonds and groups. People from my old work did not have children and saw them as problems mmmmi (worked for social services)so i lst contact and other friends live away. I'm not doing it for money just to feel like me a real person a reason to put lipstick on.....i'm not alone am i ?

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Do what you want to do or you will always regret it.

I would say, if you have the choice, don't go back unless or until you feel you want to!

Thank you all for your comments. after a LOT of soul searching have decided to hand notice in. I wont have this time with DD again and I dont want to waste a single minute of it on a job I dont like anyway. If I enjoyed the work it would be different, but I didnt enjoy it before and nothing has changed while I have been away. We will just have to make cut backs, but that' ok with me...I will let youall know how I get on.

Thanks again.

Congratulations! I made the same decision after ds1 was born. Never regretted it. I've done odd bits and pieces of work since then, and I work for 2 and half hours a week on the internet- but really I'm a SAHM and its worked really well for me. Your original email reminded me of how I felt when I had to make the same decision.