First Day Blues - am I being oversensitive?

[fantalemon]

I went back to work last week just for one day after almost a year off on ML. I start back properly on Monday but the way I am feeling now I am dreading going back on Monday and am almost tempted to not go in which I know is stupid so early on particularly as I am bound to need to take time off if/when DD gets ill.

Most people were very pleasant, welcoming me back and asking how DD was, but, my big boss and immediate boss effectively ignored me the whole day, briefly saying hello when I came in before engaging in conversations amongst themselves about work that I presumably will be involved with going forwards. My big boss mentioned going for a coffee so he could bring me up to speed on changes whilst I had been away which I said I thought was a good idea but that never materialised. The pair of them disappeared to a 3 hour lunch. This meant I was sat at my desk for most of the day doing absolutely nothing other than missing my DD dreadfully.

I work in a large firm where long hours are expected, although as part of my flexible working application (which itself was a painful experience) I managed to negotiate a 5pm finish somewhat begrudingly from my employer.

So, finally, at 4.30pm I was given some work that needed to be done that day. I explained that I needed to be out of there by 5pm. As it was, I did a rushed, half arsed job as I was desperate to get out of there by 5 to pick up DD - the first day I have really been away from her for more than a few hours.

I just feel that if I was a manager, I would be conscious of the fact that the first day back would be hard and would not have ignored that member of my team until almost the end of the day before giving them work which they had no hope of finishing if they were to leave on time. And more generally, I just feel that I was made to feel very unwelcome, few comments made about my needing to finish at 5 and the impact that will have on work etc etc. HR made a big fuss about me confirming my return date weeks and weeks in advance so they could prepare for my return yet when I turn up on my first day I dont have a working computer, phone etc and my bosses havent set any work for me to do.

I was just wondering how other people were treated on their first day back and whether I am being precious for expecting to have been made a bigger fuss of?!

I think you have been treated very badly, and maybe they could have given you a staged return, 1/2 days x number of days a week. They certainly should have had a system in place to update you. I hope this is not an indicator of their future treatment, especially when the inevitable happens and DD is not well. Sadly some companies are just not family friendly. You are not being precious at all.

Tuesday was my 1st day at work after 13 months and the 1st 10 minutes were awful. Everyone seemed really unfriendly, i wasn't working where i was told i was going to work and apparently my boss has taken the week off. Nearly walked out and spent the next half hour sobbing in the toilets. Today it feels like i've never been away-probably because everyone has since been really kind as i suspect several people heard me. I think even those who have children may have long forgotten how hard it is returning to work and assume you are there because you want to be and not because you can't afford not to. However i completely agree that your managers have a responsibility to prepare properly for your return to work and from my previous experience with my older child i would say stick to your guns about your working hours and what you can and can't do

They could have been better but I think you are maybe over thinking it a little. When I returned to work after DD, now I think of it I was treated in a fairly similar way. That was just the way it was and I don't remember being bothered If I were you I would give it a go for at least 3 months and then review. There are many benefits to staying in work (i am now a SAHM looking for a job) and many for being at home. Write your own pros and cons list now and then another in 3 months. It will get easier!

It's bound to be hard. You're not back in the work environment yet. Maybe that three hour lunch was important. I agree that it would have been better management to be more welcoming and accommodating of you, but it's probably also a big dose of first day nerves.

You could request that coffee tomorrow, and mention when you have it that today's timing was out in terms of you being able to do your best.

Don't waste a second feeling ashamed about leaving at 5. Work is something you do not a place you go. If you do it by 5, provided they give it in time, you're giving them what they want.

Hope it gets better.

From your post, it does sound like they were pretty rubbish about it being your first day back - but although it was a very big deal to you, to them, it was just another day and they won't have given the way they acted a second thought so nor should you.

At least you'll never have to do that first day back again, it must be the lowest point you can be.

I'm back in 2 weeks after a year off, DD is 10 months old. I'm absolutely dreading it. I'm a teacher too so it's straight in at the deep end and a full timetabled day. I'll have to pretend I've got chalk in my eye when I think about lovely mad-haired DD at nursery without me.

Only the thought of the treats we can afford once I'm working again keeps me going. Holidays and days out and precious time with our girl.

can understand your feelings but am suffering from bad management by my manager of her ML and the constant extra hours i need to fulfil to cover her part time cover (i wasnt consulted) has resulted in resentment and stress for me - it's not your fault but a bit of this might be going on?

hope it gets better for you

Hold on in there. It is so hard returning to work. However, when you get back into it and you're confidence is up a little I promise you will start to feel a little more like 'you' and settle in. I cried for the first two weeks. But set myself little goals...can I last three months, do really well on a certain project, six months etc. I've just had my 2nd and am about to return again. Fingers crossed.

Thank you all for your helpful/kind comments.

Done 2 weeks now, have had some good days and some bad days (sadly more bad than good). On the plus side, my DD seems to love it at her childminder which makes it so much easier leaving her all day, but on the down side, I still really haven't got any "real" work to do so the day drags and I end up feeling resentful that I wasnt allowed to come back p/t as I wanted but was refused on the basis I would have too much work to do (ha ha!). Feel a bit frozen out from the team and sense a general reluctance to welcome me back in.

Its still early days tho and thankfully its Christmas in a few weeks so will get to spend some much needed quality time with my bubba and reassess what to do about work.

aw
hope it's a good day on Monday then

I hate atmospheres and shit at work
Speak to your boss, did they get do a catch up with you over coffee? Ask for a meet and say you wanna work etc
day goes much quicker as you know
i keep my assistants very busy
is it competitive environment high powered place?

hope it chills soon, as sorry i work with a few knobs that make it like primary school playground politics

You poor thing. That is what happened to me - sobbing in the loo - the whole thing. But very soon after - I got back in the pattern and it got better for me. Honestly. Just give it some time and try and be positive.

All I can say is that at our work there are all these wonderful manuals about how to manage employees on their return from mat leave but in practice they are very rarely followed.

What you describe sounds unfortunately fairly typical of a lot of organisations, who just don't put enough care/importance onto managing their employees.

I would suggest the most pragmatic approach is to stick to your guns and carry on, it will get better - good luck though, I know how you feel and it is tough...

I have to admit it has got slightly better, I still feel very "out of it" but I am trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, i.e. I have been away for almost a year so people will not automatically think to include me in discussions etc rather than a conscious decision on their part to freeze me out.

Auraof Dora - its a law firm in the city, so yes, high powered and full of very ambitious people, not sure I was that person before I went off on mat leave but sure as hell realise I am certainly not that person now!

Just need to win the lottery tomorrow so I dont have to worry about going in on monday.

poor you, no other words of wisdom but just wanted to say I feel for you. If its any consolation sounds exactly like my first day in my last job (and that wasn't returning from mat leave!) - the manager/person that recruited me was away on holiday, so everyone had forgotten I was starting. I had no desk - they had to move a whole load of junk off and clear it as I stood there, no working phone, computer wasn't set up so I could log on, so I sat at my dusty desk, twiddling my thumbs for a very very long day. That went on for a week till my boss returned...!

I am pretty sure they don't mean to be unwelcoming - they are more than likely just crap at dealing with people. That was certainly the case with the woman who was meant to be looking after me on my first week. Turned out to be very nice, just had the people skills of a flea.

Not your problem, so just take the initiative and explain you don't feel you're being fully utilised etc. That's as much as you can do. Hang in there.