To work or not - advice please

[shandybass]

I'm having a dilemma whether to give up my p/t job or not? We could afford it, but I've worked hard to get the job I have, public sector, but I feel I don't want to miss this precious time with my 2 dds.

There's also if I'm honest some pride involved i'n wanting to cope, and admitting that I'm struggling and the worry that I will lose my professional status, qualification, if I'm out of work for more than 2 years.

Any advice?

no easy answers to this, it really comes down to personal feeling/opinion and practical issues. (you are fortunate in that you say you can afford it)

For me the right decision was to return part time. imo it makes me a better mother, I am more motivated at home. I still have part of my identity as a nurse, and really feel fulfilled in the role I do.

I also find I get more done at home, in that if I am about to go to work for 3 days I get organised and get stuff done in the house.

I am fortunate in that I only need 2 days of paid childcare, I work shifts so dh is on hand the other times and as a result he has a great bond with the dcs.

Yes I am fortunate and returning to work p/t was fab after dd1. But after dd2 I've been feeling overwhelmed and worn out by the constant balancing and wondering why I dont just try and concentrate on being a mum.

My dd1 is due to start school f/t after Christmas, so that may improve things and my Mum and Mil have been fab doing my Childcare, but they have their own health issues and as a family we've had one bug after another.

Wait until your DD goes to school and then see how you feel

I feel the same. Returned to work 5 months ago P/T (4 days). DD is 13 months old. Job is stressful and often long hours (4 days plus evenings and weekends)and DH works long hours and is rarely home during the week. Before DD came along, I was very career orientated but now simply do not have the same energy which is quite a surprise to me. We are fortunate that we could just about afford for me to give up but we would need to change our lifestyle. Reluctant to give up/become dependent/lose career (I would not be able to go back) but know that deep down I would be happier for the next couple of years at least.
Has anyone given up excellent career prospects to be SAHM and, if so, do you regret it?

Its a crap situation. The time your children are small is so short that you should be able to take time out and not lose your career. I feel I've wanted children for so long I don't want to miss this time. But also I am more than aware that working p/t means I'm constantly apologising for being p/t and its consequences for people in and out of work around me.

I do understand about the lose of identity and all that - I suffer a bit with this myself from time to time, as I seem to organise everyone else's life and it is hard to find space for myself - but this is my responsibility and I have to make that space.

I have 4 dcs. When my oldest 2 were small I had to work because I had no money, for a time during this I was a single parent too. I have two younger now and don't work outside the home - I do have an income from properties which do need a bit of admin but bring an income and enable me not to worry about doing other stuff. I have to tell you that I am much happier for it - stopping work I mean. My children are better for having me around and not stressed out of my mind trying to balance everything.

My oldest DD is 9 and it has gone so so fast - she only has 1.5 years left at Primary and it has flown by. I am incredibly busy, yes a lot of it is meaningless menial house work stuff, yes sometimes I hanker for career days but I would NEVER go back.

I can take the loss of identity because I feel that I did wait a time to have children and I bitterly regret missing so much time with the older 2 (not that I had a choice).

I am a well educated person and had a good working life butI sometimes feel that women have become a victims of their own success, ie. that our ability to multi task has meant we always have to do that. It is ok to be at home particularly when they are small, you are nurturing and providing a haven for your children - for me, making that as uncompromised as possible by being out of the home is very important - please before I get flamed I am not slagging working mummies off I just think it does not work for me.

No one lays on their death bed wishing they had worked more.

Woolymindy thanks for that. It is what I'm grappling with as you only get one life. I think I fell into the p/t situation as it was possible, and thinking it was the best of both worlds. Now I'm feeling its the opposite.

Unfortunately as p/t flexible work is so difficult to get I feel a bit trapped that I won't be able to return, but maybe its worth the risk.