Struggling to cope with back to work

[BelleMama]

I'm more than well aware that I'm not the first mum to feel this way but since going back to work I feel so distressed and anxious.

My DS loves nursery, but it is such a slog getting him there and getting him home each evening. (We're in central London and have chosen the best nursery we can find instead of the very closest). He is exhausted by the time we get home in the evening.

I love work but feel like I'm doing a terrible job and that everyone is comparing the "new" me to the way I used to be - work all hours, do everything to get the job done.

DH is working all hours to try to get a promotion and I'm just this tearful emotional mess that I don't recognise.

I wanted to go back to work (luckily as we do also need the money), DS enjoys nursery and my work are being pretty understanding about me taking days off when DS is ill. But trying to do it all is killing me. How do you all cope? Please!?

Its hard isnt it.

I kinda got very very organised very early on.

Can you not reduce your hours? Are you full time?

Hi Belle, I posted something similar recently and I had some good advice on the thread.

It does get easier the longer you are back at work for as you learn tricks to help keep the routine going as smoothly as possible. I am now superorganised at home and at work (I often make too much of meals such as spag bol and freeze portions so I have a couple of nights a week where we don't have to cook anything)

Someone said to me on my thread that you work to live rather than live to work after children and that is very true. You are lucky as your work sounds very understanding. Mine isn't. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself and as long as your DS is happy at nursery then relax as much as you can.

Have you considered working part-time if you don't already? I work four days a week (after a long battle and appeal process at work) and I really cherish my day off with my DD.

Also, use the internet as much as possible. For the food shopping, paying bills by direct debit etc. It keeps all the niggly jobs to a minimum which helps free up more time.

I always have DDs dinner ready in advance so when I get her in from nursery it justs gets blasted in the microwave so she doesn't have to wait to eat. Things like that help me avoid too much stress.

Next step for me on my wishlist is a cleaner!

Good luck, and try not to do it all. Ask for help from everyone you can think of

@reddaisy

Thanks for your support. Think it has been difficult as DH has been working even more than usual so it has felt a bit like doing it on my own.

I know what you mean about super organised, we're gradually getting there. Work are understanding and I work 4 days but am struggling with not being person I used to be at work. I'm a total perfectionist and as a working mum you have to learn good enough at work & at home because there are always things you can't do.

Going to try to do some dinners in advance - good plan!

Your situation sounds similar to mine. I work 4 days a week with a 2 1/2 hour return commute. Dh is away from Sunday night until Friday night each week.

Things that help:

Using internet (generally at work when I can...!) to order anything I need such as shopping.

Expecting DH to do what he can when he is here. He will do an ironing load at the weekend plus hoover the house.

Batch cook and freeze.

I have a mothers help who comes VERY early in the morning and does some cleaning and gets DD up/breakfast/drop off. She is a life saver - an older local lady who has worked with children previously. We advertised voa the Job Centre for her and it is free and they are v helpful including with things such as CRB checks.

Not clear in my last post - I leave at 6 20 am on the morning the mothers help is here. This means I miss the worst of the traffic and get to the office early...and then leave early to get DD by 5pm.

I would question that you're going well out of your way to where the nursery is - surely ones close to you or on your route are good enough? You are using up extra time that could be spent better elsewhere than sitting in traffic?

But other than that you've been given good advice to make life easier.

Thanks for all the advice. I'm going to make a big list over the weekend of some of the stuff suggested to make life easier.

The nursery is a bit out of the way now but my office is moving locations in 3 months and it will be on my (direct) way home then. So short term not so good, longer term hopefully better.

It does help to know how much everyone else is doing / struggling with as well. Makes me feel that if other people can cope that we'll get used to it. Prob all just a bit overwhelming after the bubble of being at home with DS for a year!