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too emotional in work

38 replies

eefs · 18/08/2003 16:38

Please help!
I've had some official correspondence this morning from my boss with regard to my standard of work. He's stating that my standards are too low, that no one can trust any information that I produce and that he has to spend so long correcting my work that it defeats the purpose of me doing it in the first place. This has come completely out of the blue and I never ever expected it. The accusations in the letter can be easily disproved, and while I haven't been the best employee recently (to be honest, due to my preoccupation with my pregnancy) I am generally one of the best and am usually acknowledged as such. I went into my superior (above me, below boss) this morning to discuss this and he also expressed surprise and disbelief at this letter.
My problem is that while I have no problems systematically breaking his letter into points and responding to each one to show that it is harsh, unfair and untrue, I seem to be sooo over emotional about it. I burst into tears this morning when talking to my supervisor (to our joint complete horror) and nothing I could do would stop the tears flowing. I had a brief conversation this afternoon with my boss on the phone and was also in tears almost immediately (thank god he couldn't see me).
I'd already made a list of issues to address etc calmly before the phone call but as soon as I looked at the letter while he was on the phone I could feel myself well up. I suspect it's all down to pregnancy hormones but it's hugely embarrassing and is doing nothing for my reputation here. I?m an engineer working in a male environment and have usually managed to keep a calm professional attitude at all times.
any ideas on how to control this? I?m due to meet with my boss tomorrow morning and I?m dreading the waterworks starting again ? I can?t seem to stop them at all.

OP posts:
FairyMum · 19/08/2003 11:30

Glad you are feeling better. In my experience it unfortunately doesn't tend to get any better when you get back, because then you are a mother with responsibilites outside work and just as annoying to people like your boss. The only difference is that you have even less rights than when you were pregnant........

oliveoil · 19/08/2003 11:44

Can't beleive what I am reading here re treatment of pregancy/motherhood. I have been lucky in the places I have worked while pregnant and since dd, must be awful to be treated so disgracefully, hormonal or otherwise. I cry on tap even without pregnancy hormones and what works for me is digging my thumb nail into my finger really hard- sounds mad but works for me.

Good luck with your call today eefs, hope things sort themselves out soon.

niccib · 19/08/2003 22:27

Hope everything went OK today. I was made redundant the day I was due back from maternity leave and knew it was coming, they started lots of rubbish with me as soon as I told them I was pregnant.

I did very well out of it in the end after filing to take them to industrial tribunal for sex discrimination, they settled out of court plus I got a redunancy package and all my maternity pay. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

There are lots of places that can help you and it is worth getting in touch immediately as they will tell you exactly how to handle it. Do you belong to a union? Or do you have legal expenses covered on your house insurance? They helped me through for quite a while and paid for a solicitor. You can also contact the Equal Opportunities Commission who will give lots of advice for free. In the end the Law Centre took up my case and they were brilliant. I went to everyone who would listen to me and it paid off big time. Good luck.

eefs · 20/08/2003 10:22

quick update
I had a talk with my bss yesterday. I think he was a bit taken aback by how prepared I was (facts and figures of work I've done to hand etc)a nd by the fact I was challenging him - I think he though I'd just take it as I'm normally quite non-confrontational.
So I have an apology and he's admitted he's blown it out of proportion and should have tlkaed to me in person first. I've asked for this in writing (as the first letter is in writing I want some written proof that it was unjustified). I still feel betrayed though and I'm not going to be able to trust him for a long time yet, but will keep the head down and my work impecable.
As i felt so in control and I could tell he was unsure I didn't get emotional at all, yay. Thanks a mil for the tips, I'm sure they'll come in useful again.
I'm still very taken aback that this happened, but at least I know now to watch out for myself.

OP posts:
EmmaTMG · 20/08/2003 10:25

Excellent! I hope that shuts him up!

twiglett · 20/08/2003 10:31

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twiglett · 20/08/2003 10:31

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WideWebWitch · 20/08/2003 12:21

Oh great news eefs, well done. I agree, make sure he puts it in writing and maybe even email him to confirm that he's going to do so. Well done for keeping calm and let's hope that's the last of it hey? I love it when you hear of a happy ending to a thread.

mamajinks · 20/08/2003 12:50

Really good news eefs, sounds like you handled it really well

oliveoil · 20/08/2003 13:17

Brilliant news, Boss 0 Eefs 1

tigermoth · 20/08/2003 13:24

Fantastic, eefs. I think it's a very good idea to have a reply in writing. One thing you might want to check (if you haven't already) is will the first letter or notes on your meeting and the second letter appear on your work record?

It would be bang out of order IMO for your boss to hold a copy the letter he wrote you in your record, even if the subsequent meeting and reply letter put you well in the clear.

Noisy · 20/08/2003 13:45

Eefs

I have read you post with dismay. Glad to hear the end outcome was ok.

One thing though - make sure your boss DOES send you awritten letter to say things are ok etc.

The other option is that YOU email him 'further to your meeting etc' and state in the email all that was discussed/agreed and that you look forward to receiving his agreed letter of retraction within the near future.

This will cover your back. If you have a HR dept make sure thay are copied in as well.

Best of luck

Batters · 21/08/2003 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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