No interest in her grandchildren

[llanilar]

Dear friend

Has anyone shared the same experience as mine where a grandmother (widowed) has no interest in her two grandsons? My sons are now 18 and 20, but throughout the years she has rarely shown any interest in them.

I have always tried to think of the situation as her loss. Has someone had a similar experience of a mother in law?
Regards
Llanilar

My mum has been widowed for 10 years. Ever since she has become very inward looking and takes a low dose happy tablet for depression. It disappoints me greatly that she doesn't delight in my four little miracles, aged 4 to 10, as much as me. There aren't many people I could rave about them to (because everyone's children are miracles) but I would have hoped she would be one of them. In fact when we are out and about on the rare occasions we see her, she comments on how gorgeous other totally random children are but not her own grandchildren.

My mother is charmed by sons, grandsons and even sons-in law. Perhaps your MIL prefers granddaughters, unfair though that might be?

Has she always been like this even when they were little or is it more they have grown apart over the years?

Does she live near by or is distance an issue?

Does she have other grandchildren and if so how involved with them has she been?

Now your sons are adults the question is do they want a relationship with her? If so at their age they also have to take some responsibility for maintaining this as they are old enough to phone her and to go to visit her/arrange to meet her themselves.

It's hard but some people are just not that interested in their grandchildren and as the children are not the grandparent's responsibility there is not always a lot you can do about it.

Do ask yourself how much effort you and your sons have put into this relationship? If you have constantly tried to arrange contact and she is not interested then move on and accept it as her loss. If however you are upset that she doesn't call you more often then I would suggest you take the lead and make contact with her. Is it possible that she hasn't 'bothered' you much over the years because she doesn't want to be seen as an interfering MIL?

Thank you for your interesting replies. With regards to cupofcoffee, my 'mother in law' has always been like this since the children were born. She lives 100 miles from us. My husband is her only child. She has no other grandchildren. When we asked her in the past to babysit for us she would consult her diary first and then declare that she was too busy.

What I an inherently trying to understand is why some people are not that interested in their grandchildren, and what could their issues be? She is now in her late eighties and has only the two grandsons.

My mother passed away before my children were born. I am certain that she would have been overjoyed to meet my sons.

My husband's comment is that his mother changed after she was widowed. She was widowed just before the birth of my first son. Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

Could she be depressed? Just wondering as you state that she may have changed after being widowed.

Yes, indeed she could have been depressed but was far too proud to admit it. Initially I thought perhaps she disliked the baby and then toddler stage with grandchildren, but the reaction remained the same.

why is this in 'going back to work'?

Did she take an interest in you and your DH before the kids came along?

My paternal grandfather is now 102. My youngest sister is 28. When she was born he told my parents that he 'was too old to meet anyone new'.

Since then, as you can imagine, none of us has anything to do with him.

He met me and my other sister when we were little, but he has one other granddaughter (my youngest sister) and 4 great grandchildren, with another one on the way, who he has never met.

His loss.