I am in debt because I have gone back to work

[fatfingers]

I don't know what to do at the moment and I'm sick of worrying about money. Went back to work in March on a temp contract so money was good and it was well worth it. However, agency work has dried up and I started a permanent job in Sept (term time only). Great place to work, I really like the job but it is 1 hour commute away from home and I have 2 dcs.

Our day starts early and dcs are tired. My youngest (who has problems with poor weight gain) has lost weight and just falls asleep at 5.30pm every night. We all seem constantly stressed out because my dh is up at 5am and as soon as he gets home from work he has to do school run, cook tea, etc until I get home from work. All we do is argue. I have also discovered that I am making a loss because of petrol expenses, the fact we need 2 cars now and childcare costs.

Ideally I would like to give up work and just stay at home until my youngest goes to school next year. My dh is not up for that idea as we would have to give up both cars and cut back significantly just to break even. I would hope to get some type of evening/weekend work to top up our budget but in the current climate I don't know how easy that would be. Wwyd?

I know it's only temporary but Christmas is approaching and there will be a lot of evening and weekend retail jobs plus extra work in restaurants etc.

If you do admin work or are a good typist I know Solicitors offices often want evening workers to type up documents so you could use the time to set something up for next year.

If you are making a loss anyway then what's your DH's problem with you giving up work? I was in a similar situation so gave up and our lives have definitely become a lot less stressful as a result - we have had to cut back but I am fortunate that dh still earns enough for 2 cars and the odd night out. I think it's such a personal decision though as what works for one family won't work for another..doesn't sound like you will be giving up for long though if you do give up..if you can scrape by then I would say a happy stable marriage, content kids and family life beats a few extra pennies any day (although do realise that you need to earn enough for financial worries not to overshadow this).

Dh says I definitely can't give up work because we can't afford to. He certainly wouldn't be prepared to give up a car or Sky TV so I could be a sahm.

I have given him the figures to show that we are not benefiting financially from me going out to work (although I really do enjoy my job) but he doesn't really accept it I don't think. He says he earns ... and therefore we shouldn't be struggling. I have said it isn't what you earn that is the problem, it is what we are paying out!

I have put to him the option of downsizing our house to give us more choice but he won't have that either because he doesn't want to move.

At the moment I just want to go out to work, ignore all the finances and let him face up to the reality when it all comes crashing down (but I can't do that because the dcs will suffer). What I might do is work out what we will have to cut in order to break even with me going out to work (i.e. Sky, his smoking habit, his mobile contract, etc, etc) and maybe it will become clearer to him

If he is frittering money away then he can earn more money. Not expect you to run yourself ragged to pay for bloody sky!

Do you need two cars?
And how about sitting down and listing all the essential outgoings, then showing him that wasting money on fags isnt an essential? You work out the bills total, then work out what % you technically each should pay depending on each of your salaries, then he can see what is left for shit like sky and cigarettes.

Btw my dh gets up at 5am and is never back in time for the school run; he gets in about 5pm. Your dh is lucky to have so much afternoon time with the kids.

Are you splitting all the bills equally? If he earns more than you can he pay more? The childcare for example, is he contributing?

Bearing in mind your childcare costs will reduce once dc2 starts school if you rationalise your everyday spending now it will feel more of a benefit next year. If dc2 is so tired can he not have a afternoon nap before the school run? I don't understand why you need two cars if you work but will have none if you don't - it sounds like there is room for compromise, How did you manage before you went out to work in March ?

If he is home early, and he wants sky tv and sigarettes, why dont HE get an evening job?

It is better in the long run to stay employed, because next year your lo starts school and you will not have nursery expenses.

Hi,
I think if you can hang onto the job - a job you enjoy is worth having. Remember when you're working you are also paying into the system and building up pension contributions. These are good long term benefits - just need to get through the next 11 months financially.
I would love to have a job I enjoy

Thanks everyone. We could manage without 2 cars and dh is actually now trying to sell his because he can cycle to work whereas I work 1 hours drive away and I have very limited time to get there after dropping off my dcs at childcare.

I think you are right justabouttosellakidney that we are just spending more than we have coming in, which is the crux of the matter. But I suppose I feel like it is my job that has caused that situation because it is work related expenses like the car, the petrol and the childcare combined with a drop in my salary that has meant we have no money for the things we could afford until Sept.

We have joint accounts so any money coming in is both of ours.

After much argument, dh seems to have realised that we cannot continue like this and is seeking professional advice. I have written all outgoings and income down so can speak to someone neutral, which I hope might help.

Not from a single person I have heard that for a man to cut out Sky is a big No-No! :) Much can be sacrificed but not Sky :)

I am very aware myself that when i go back to work after having DC2, my children will be around 3.5yo and 1yo and I will face a difficult year of doubled childcare until DC1 starts school. I don't want to compromise my job, hence I accept that we might run into debt during that period. That will be by choice. I don't think it is worth compromising a permanent job which you enjoy in the long term. It is a recession time, after all.

If it's a good job I think you should try to hang onto it. Any chance you could take some parental leave next summer and give notice early on your childcare? - that might make sums add up better (and give you a good summer break with DCs to look forward to).

Are you confident about your ability to get a job in a year's time?

Enjoyable, term-time only jobs are hard to come by. If you can work out the other stuff (arguing, budgeting etc) then it might well be worth hanging onto for the long term gain if your eldest will be in school next year.