Partner screw up

[jobdisaster]

My partner has royally fucked up at work. He stole some money . He arrived for work this morning, there was another colleague there and he was told to leave the building.

The first I knew about the money was this morning. It's a small amount which he intended to replace. He covered his tracks (badly), so can't be passed off as a mistake.

Should he get advice or representation for the meeting I presume he'll have tomorrow? Will they mention dishonesty on a reference? He is 41 and has been there for about 20 years. He was being trained for a promotion, fucking twat, for a much better paid job.

I am a bit numb - I suppose I am in shock. I work, but he is the main earner. I am being supportive and not judged him, but feel everything is about to go tits up. And we have 2 kids.

BUMP

So sorry to hear this. I think you should all brace yourselves for him to get the sack as this is considered gross misconduct by most employers.

You may also need to face the fact that they can bring criminal charges if they choose to.

I'm not sure representation would help - he's done it, they know that and presumably have proof.

What goes on a reference varies from employer to employer.

MIL just called - can we meet up for a coffee today etc. I was quite rude, but dp has asked me not to say anything yet. My Mum is coming tonight to stay the night too as she is my childcare tomorrow.

I am a ridiculous optimist and think he'll be able to explain things as he is so valued. He knows he's getting sacked and has, in fact, sacked people for the same thing before.

SHITSHITSHIT.

Perhaps someone could go with him, even just for moral support?

Are there any mitigation circumstances? Cashflow at home? Was it a lot? Could he offer to work in department where there is no access to money?

Sorry, clutching at straws here - doesn't look good.

The only way out of this is to be very contrite and give some mitgating circumstances (eg mental health issue/physical health issue that manifests itself with out of character behaviour). And even then that might not work.

I think the best thing to do is to come clean. Apologize. Put it into context (one mistake in 20 years) and plead for a reduced punishment like a final written warning and reduction of responsibility/additional restrictions around cash handling.

Make sure he is accompanied by someone to take notes on his behalf. And I would also take legal advice if he gets sacked to try to get the best reference.

Is it possible he is ill? If this is out of character behaviour what's going on below the surface?

Get him to take someone with him - he is allowed a colleague or trade union rep to attend.

It doesn't look great, but think he should just admit what he has done, and say how sorry he is, and offer to pay the money back straight away. If there is a reason he has done it (money short at home, other stress?) then explain that but don't try to use as an excuse. Say how has 20 years good service and never been disciplined before (if that's right), and will never do it again. Might be able to persuade them to give a final warning then.

Hope it works out...

Yes we are short of money at home and he is shit with money. He has intended to replace the money since he 'borrowed' it, he says. I just hope he is telling me the truth and this is the extent of the situation.

He has a history of mental health probs (depression which resulted in hospitalisation in late teens) but has never had a depressive episode since we met. He used to be a heavy weed smoker and he doesn't touch the stuff now. Maybe some residual issues there, but I think he just was feeling the pressure of not quite making ends meet at home with mortgage/childcare/bills etc.

Sounds like reasons why it happened, and he needs to make that really clear to his employer. Just because is sackable matter doesn't mean they have to sack him - and sounds like it would be reasonable for them not to.

Make sure he gets good notes of the meeting, and write down everything he wants to say before he goes, so his mind doesn't go blank under the pressure.

And worth an appeal if the worst happens.

How much is a 'small amount'? Small amount as in a fiver? Probably not.

I can't imagine he won't get sacked, and I think you not judging him is incredibly restrained of you - I would be tearing strips off my DH if he did something similar tbh.

Representation probably won't make a difference but I'd advise him to take a TU rep if possible anyway.

When you say you think he could 'explain things', are there mitigating circumstances or something?

In terms of references if someone is sacked for gross misconduct following discovery of a theft, it would be unusual not to mention it on a reference, and if they didn't mention it his employer might leave themselves open to legal action themselves.

An employer is obliged to give an accurate representation of the employee in a reference, so if they sacked him for theft, didn't mention it in a reference and he did the same thing at a future employer (not that he would), the future employer could potentially take legal action against the current employer.

Sorry x-post I see you've explained the mitigating circumstances, yes he should mention struggling at home and that he fully intended to pay it back.

I think he feels like there is no point in trying to save his job. He probably knows the company better than me, but I feel there is some possibility he could save his job. I would certainly try if I was him.

I'm sad because senior management have noticed him recently and I can't believe he would do something like this.

Stupid arse - need to get the namecalling out on this thread as it will not help him to be told what a fucking idiotic prick he is

£50. And it was a month ago, so if I was them I would be wondering if he'd done it before and checking through his work with a fine toothcomb. Which they prob are right now!

I have to say, I think that there are some incredible optimists on this thread.

I'd be very, very surprised if this does not result in dismissal.

I'd be wondering if he'd done it before - or would do it again - and 'mitigating circumstances' just doesn't come in to it.

Lots of people struggle with money, but don't resort to theft from their employers.

Once a staff member has breached trust in this way, it's impossible to get it back.

Yes I'm with hairytriangle. Theft isn't about the amount it's about the betrayal of trust and it is very difficult to continue employing someone you don't trust. Having said that I have been in these sort of hearings where someone's mitigating circumstances were truly decision changing and they ended up with a final written warning and a demotion - but in truth I think unless his mental health problems are real and current, he might well be looking for another job - without references....sorry.

Hi all. He jumped before he was pushed on the advice of the union. A solemn house here and he is actively seeking work. Thanks for the advice folks. Stupid bloody arse

Sounds like he took the best option under the circumstances. Good luck to him with the job-hunting!