Feeling guilty for wanting to go p/time

[mickb]

Know this sounds stupid but has anyone else felt guilty or a failure for moving to a p/t job to spend more time with their child, having worked in a f/t professional job all their working lives?
Sounds like the reverse of what most feel guilty about but having dreamed of a p/t job for the last 1 1/2 yrs to spend more time with my ds I now have got one- not my dream job but well paid professional job on 3 days/wk. Bizarrely now finding myself feeling like a failure that don't want to work full-on like all the other alpha females I seem to be surrounded by in the City. Bit worried too that will be written off as not being fully committed to my work and will hinder future prospects.

anyone else felt the same or am I going slightly mad in my old age?

This is something i also aspire to. I have a professional job and just about to go 4 days a week. I think you just get so accustomed to working FT that to do PT feels like you are not doing enough. You have made the right decision and will be able to enjoy what the majority of us all wish for - a satisfying work life balance. Give it a while and you will settle in to it. As for being written off, i totally understand what you mean but i think that as long as you show them through your work and attitude to it that you are fully committed they should see that and give you sufficient credit for it.

I feel your pain.

I am full time and debate long and hard with myself (and DH) about going to 4 days. I'd love to do this to spend time with DD BUT I also love the work that I do so feel torn.

BUt I think thats mother hood fo ryou.
Guilt, guilt and more guilt.

I feel guilty for working full time (why doesnt DH feel liek this?) and when we are at home guilty for not entertaining DD enough! I mean I play with her but is it good enough!?

If you are able financially and your company support the partime thing why not try it. Or you could try it out using annual leave for a bit?

PS- Im amused that you talk about alpha females working full time- I immediately thought they cant be mothers but YES THEY CAN!!!!

Have just rambled and not really said anything helpful.

All the best though-just do what will make you happy- be that working or not working- you might regret it otherwise.

I think the only person judging you is you.

It sounds like you have the best of both worlds. Stick with it and see how it goes. You may find you end up loving it. If not, just go back to full time. Nothing is set in stone.

Thanks for your messages- much appreciated.

mlmonkey - yes think that's part of it - am so used to working FT and having v little time outside of work that it's going to take an adjustment to get used to actually having some free time for me and more time with my ds.

Giraffe - agree that DH's never seem to feel guilty - not sure why that is but makes it a whole lot easier. I am able to financially go p/t which I know means am v lucky but will have to change jobs to a new role in same co so have some reservations. Difference between me and you though is that I can't say I love my job. If you can do 4 days in your own job why dont you try it if you can on a trial basis?

Speckledeggy-Agree am making it hard for myself having wanted p/t for so long. Am having to change jobs in order to go p/t though so won't be as easy just to go back to f/t but agree that nothing is for ever . Am sure I could always go for a f/t job in future if I didnt feel this was right for me...fingers crossed it works out...

yes, i went part time from a hideously full on job and felt guilty - partly about 'wasting' education/training etc, and the chances i had that my parents didn't (i was first in the family to go to uni etc). but partly about living up to exactly the stereotyped idea that my boss had of working mothers, ie that they wouldn't be able to cope with the kind of job i had- i hated feeling like i'd just proved him right, and that it would be a long time before another woman at that company would get the job i had. and a little bit guilty about extra pressure on dh, as he was now the major breadwiner and we'd been equal earners before.
the longer it goes on however the more comfortable i feel with it. my ds is happier, i'm happier, and i realise it wasn't my sole responsibility to change the prejudices of every idiot in management. the wasting of a 'career' still worries me a bit but i think i feel a lot less guilty than i did when i was worrying that i never saw ds, and hope that as he gets older i might be able to get back on more of a fast track.

whoever said you'll be guilty whatever you do as a mother was right: it's just which kind of guilt you are best able to roll with.

hi nouveau - yes i also have that uneasy feeling that I have proved my bosses right about working mothers in more senior positions too.However I've managed to find so many other things to beat myself up about during this process that this one probably is lower down the list for me!!
Glad to hear that you're feeling happier with it as it goes on though- guess it does take some time to adjust. Did you have to change jobs or could you stay in the same role to obtain p/t? Am hoping that I will feel more comfortable with my decision with time too.Underneath it all I know that I do want more time with ds and less time at work but I am still bothered by failure/guilt feelings when am at work and am surrounded by people who only work f/t (and seem to love it or positively enjoy not being with their kids!)