Childcare what's best?

[lydia12]

Hello
I'm due to go back to work in January having had the best year of my life with my lovely baby girl! Not looking forward to being away from her AT ALL. SHe will be 1 when I start again (3 days a week secondary school teacher). My question is this - I've applied to the local community nurseries, I applied in March this year in fact - but there are still no places available. In a bit of a panis I've been invetigating a nanny share as a last resort. I'd be really interested to hear the views of women with experience of doing this. Is it really expensive? Is it weird leaving your baby with a mummy replacement or does that feel better than leaving them at nursery? I am currently feeling so sad at the idea of not being with her all the time, I'm trying to work out which is the best of two options I'm not at all keen on!
Thoughts appreciated.
Thanks

woops - PANIC not panis!

I did a nanny share when I returned to work after the birth of my first DS and it worked brilliantly. Small children (generally under 3s) benefit from forging a close bond with one person if the mother is absent (see Oliver James, Penelope Leach et al). You're more likely to get this with a nanny than in a nursery IMO. Mind you, a good deal depends on the nanny - and the nursery!

A good nursery is better than an awful nanny and vice versa - but undoubtedly a good nanny is a thousand times better than a good nursery for an under 3. It may be a bit more expensive than the nursery option, but so worth it.

Good luck! And 3 days a week will be fine.

I had a nanny and IMO this can work brilliantly with the right nanny.
Much prefer non nursery environment for under 3.
It is much less stressful going out to work and leaving your child at home in pjs if you wish.Nannys will feed and do what you wish the days you work, whereas a nursery is more structured and your child fits into their routine.My nanny was very capable and caring and my children were very happy with her.

I think the fear of the "Mummy Replacement" is a perfectly rational but misplaced one!

Having a nanny made my life so much easier in so many ways. I could do my makeup without child help for one!!

I can't explain the emotional stuff as it's difficult to move from the abstract to the practicalities but having someone who loves your child, look after them is so much better than anything else!!

There are still times when I think about my first nanny and what she taught me about my child that I would never have learnt from nursery that makes me ashamed to admit but I am glad I learnt it!!

A nanny, every time!!

DS went to a CM who ran her CMing practice a bit like a mini-nursery - she was extremely experienced, and employed 3 assistants. Between them they had quite a few kids at around the same age, and planned brilliant activities a week at a time. DS loved going there, and got a lot out of being with the other children.

We've since moved, and have managed to find another excellent CM. She used to be a primary school teacher and is involved in training other CMs. DS also loves going there, he's very confident about staying there and being with other people now.

For us an experienced, professional CM is the best option, as DS gets the social factor form the other children who attend, while CMs can are personal and flexible in the way that a nursery can't be.

We found both of them through www.childcare.co.uk

Whereabouts are you based?

Thanks for these comments - interesting. I'm in Islington and today met a childcare co-ordinator who suggested a local childminder. She gave me a couple of numbers I'm going to check out - sounds more financially do-able than a nanny. Very positive to read your thoughts lowrib!
Thanks all.

You're near our old CM then! I can't recommend her highly enough! We used to travel from Hackney just to send our DS there (we've since moved out of London).

Natasha Nelson / Kids Utopia

You can contact her through that website, or if you want her phone number, send us a message and I'll send it to you.

thank you - i will

CMs are brilliant for younger children but I would just say make sure you have a good backup plan for when your CM cannot take your child (e.g. she/he is ill, their child is ill, family berevement, etc) - as this does happen and it's a pain. Sometimes I wished I had just used a nursery as it was very stressful to find someone to look after DS1 when his childminder could not.

I would prefer nursery as baby also can interact with peers.

Regarding not having a place yet confirmed at nursery:

I was also on waiting list for a long time. However they explained to me that they will only be able to let me know closer to the date (they confirmed 2 months before start) as they are unable to tell before.

Good luck! Me too I am going back to work after a fab year with my baby daughter :(

Natasha's number is 07917 862 184. I saw her recently and she said she'd be happy to have her number posted on mumsnet.

I really can't recommend her highly enough!

Personally I'm another one who favours a nanny, nanny share or childminder for young children. I think that they really benefit from having the strong bond with one person. That is not impossible in a nursery, but is harder.

A nanny share or childminder has the added benefit for an only child that they get to play with other children and build up social relationships with them.

I have heard people voice the worry about the mummy replacement before and, personally, I struggle to get my head around it. I want my DCs to be with someone who is, as far as possible, a mummy/daddy replacement whilst they are small. I love the fact that they have a third adult in their lives who loves them and who makes them feel safe (obviously there are grandparents etc too, but they don't live that close).

Do think about the practicalities of covering sick days, holidays etc for a nanny or childminder. Mind you, nurseries tend to send children home the second they sneeze, so you may have fewer awkward days than using a nursery.

I have a nanny for my two and she's great. They go to playgroups and such all the time so plenty of interaction with other children but a strong bond, being based at home, more flexibility, going out and about to different places rather than same nursery every day, more control/knowledge over how they are looked after for me, and I don't have to take time off when they are sick.

I have a shared au pair. She has been with us over a year and my twins love her and know her well. I think for this age group, personally, it's preferable to a Nursery. As they get older, the social aspect comes more into play and I am going to send mine to a playschool in January for a couple of mornings per week (they will be 2.3).

The only issue with a sharing is to make sure you check the contract with the other family thoroughly. My au pair was off at a time when I really needed her as her other mindee was sick. She had about 10 days at home looking after her, and couldn't come to me. I queried with the Mum, and apparently it was in the original contract that she would always look after the child when she was sick (even if it was 10 days in a row!). It's probably easier with a nanny than an au pair as the nanny won't be relying on one family for the roof over her head.

I also used childcare.co.uk to find my au pair, who lives very locally to me.