To work or not to work.....that is the question.

[AddictedToCoffee]

Hi All,

I have a ds who is now 18 months. Before having children, I always wanted to stay at home with my kids as my mum had to work when I was younger.

Now that I have a beautiful boy, it has become a reality. However, I never understood how difficult being a SAHM would be (lonliness, same old routine etc). I have worked ever since I graduated and always saw myself as a 'career woman'. Often I think that I would like to go back to work, but don't want to leave my ds - dilemmas dilemmas!

If anyone else has been through the same thing and can give some advice - i am all ears.

Well, I always thought I'd carry on working when having children because that is what my mother did. The difficulty when making these sorts of children before actually having them is that you no idea of the reality of being a mother.

It is absolutely fine to change your mind and look for a job. If you find a job and it isn't what you want, you can leave.

I work 2 days a week and feel that I am merely maintaining my career rather than progressing. But my boys will be at full-time school before I know it and already I am having thoughts about going full-time again soon.

Having choices doesn't actually making the choice any easier does it?

Can you work part time / freelance? Dip your toe in to see how you feel.

Leaving your DS at 18 months for a few hours per week is unlikely to be too stressful for him and he might quite enjoy it. (My 18 month old goes to a childminder with one other child for three hours while I clean the house and it gives me a little space to see forward to a time when my children will need me a little less.)

Re: Routine - I think you need to make life a bit of a holiday sometimes and just do something different. At 18 months, children are fairly sociable, interested in lots of different things and don't really tell you that they think your suggestions are boring so do things that you would do on holiday, just near you!

Lonely: That can be really tough. Remember that there are lots of other people in the same situation, be brave and chat up other Mummies at groups / the park etc.

Review your options and make a plan: sometimes just weighing up the options and deciding to change / leave as is for now / have a plan that starts at a later date can make you feel happier about where you now or could give you the permission you need to change what you do.

There is no one size fits all answer to being a Mum because you are more than one dimension. And what's more, as you and your family change, the answer changes too.

Hi. I've just recently been through this. I have two DSs, youngest is 14m and I've decided to go back to work as I have been out for almost two years now and beginning to get a bit bored (not enough exercise for the mind). I'm looking for part time work as it was too gut wrenching for me to contemplate FT.

It is a difficult decision as I thought I was the big career woman, but going back to work when DS1 was 9 months was too much and I left 2 months later.

Having the interviews and being out, wearing smart clothes has really given me a boost and I am looking forward to working again, but hopefully I'll get a 3 day a week job. I didn't want to get to the stage when they're both at school and realised that I wanted a career but had spent too much time out to get back in.

My advice is apply for some jobs, go to the interviews, look for childcare. Those actions may give you a feel for whether you want to go back or not. You can always resign if you don't like it.

I work FT and my DD has been in FT childcare since she was 10 months old and to be honest she is so happy being looked after a childcare professional who structures her time with loads of activities (more than I was/would be able to). She also has 5 or 6 other little friends her own age there so is socialising and learning to share etc much more than if I was looking after her.

I miss her, of course, but I recognise that she does not miss me!

Go out there and see what kind of jobs you can get - try PT or FT. PT may be a good option for you if your profession allows you.

Have you thought about working from home? That way you get the best of both worlds - you can still be at home with your DS but also get some variation in your routine and get out and meet people.

When my DS was 7 months I started as an Usborne Books organiser and it's been brilliant, I've met new people and made new friends and also made some money at the same time, plus I can take my DS (now 23m) with me (and he gets loads of free books!).

If you'd like to know more about it have a look at my website or drop me an email to [email protected]