Pregnant and likely to have childcare problems

[worriedworker]

My mum looks after DS while I work but she is currently having health problems, there will certainly be tests (which may fall during my working days) and there is a possibility that she will reach a stage where she is unable to continue.

I was wondering about parental leave or starting maternity leave early (if required) but not sure where I will stand with my employer. The organisation is very family friendly but my boss has tried to make things as difficult as possible on a number of occasions and I can see her causing problems if there is any realistic way she can. She made things extremely difficult when I was applying for flexible working by missing deadlines for meeetings and decisions. I'm not the only person in the team who has had problems, another colleague was told their application for a job would be blocked when that wouldn't have been legal or possible. Basically she will semi-threaten things which don't comply with employment law or company policy but then back down when it's pointed out to her that her position is impossible. I need to be entirely clear on what I legally can and can't do because she will, almost certainly, try to limit my options even if some of them are legal rights.

Is parental leave a right or 'at manager's discretion'? Does anyone know how much the onus is on me to find alternative childcare arrangements? I'm pretty certain I can't as most childminders/ nurseries around here have a several week waiting list and I can't see them being willing to give me a place for a maximum of 10 weeks until I start mat leave.

I know if I was ill I could start mat leave early but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to do this because my mum is ill?

If a sufficient business case is enough reason to turn down parental leave then I'm screwed as this is going to make life very difficult for my remaining colleagues. It's not a situation I'm happy about putting anyone in but I'm worried about my mum and could really live without having loads of work stress as well.

Sorry if this is long and confusing, trying to get everything clear in my head at the same time as typing it but happy to provide more details if that helps.

So you have one child and are expecting no 2?

You can start maternity leave any time from 111 weeks before your due date. In theory you are meant to give 8 weeks' notice of changing the date, but it's hard to enforce.

Parental leave is a right, but it's a maximum of four weeks per year in most workplaces and you do realise it needs to be taken in blocks of at least one week don't you- not just to cover medical appointments? It can be postponed from the dates you request, but only for genuine business reasons.

You could potentially take emergency unpaid leave to cover the medical appointments. Have you looked into that? It's called leave for care of dependants.

111 weeks Ribena? she's not an elephant!

Thanks that is really helpful.
Yes, got one and having number 2 (although I'm not planning to gestate for another 111 weeks!). Unfortunately even the tests are more likely to be several day recovery time things so it's not exactly just appointments. I'm guessing care of dependents is the way forward from here.

oops! 11 weeks!

If you don't want to start maternity leave early, you might have to start investigating other childcare options like nurseries. There was a case where prolonged leave for care of dependants was allowed, but only because the person concerned could actually prove that they had exhausted all other options (like family, nursery, etc)and none of them were possible. Gather evidence of waiting lists, etc.

Do you have a partner. Can he share some of the load?

At my work place there is a policy to allow up to three days per year for care fir dependants (ie to find other care!) but we also allow annual leave to be taken in extreme circumstances.

Can you book annual leave and request unpaid leave to cover the times your mum can't provide childcare?

I've not got a problem with starting mat leave early was just a bit worried that a change could be awkward with work.

At the moment everything is just a bit up in the air, my mum is waiting for an urgent consultant appointment so this is likely to be an hour/several hours some time next week. Depending what comes out of that there could be tests, they might be as invasive as last time or not, may lead to further testing and she may just become too unwell to look after DS before she gets to the testing stage. If I knew it was just going to be a few hours here and there I could probably do a work around with friends and if I knew it was going to get much worse I'd start mat leave as soon as possible, it's not knowing which is making it difficult.

DP just started a new job so he hasn't got a vast amount of flexibility at the moment. Also he hasn't got the mat leave option available so he'd only be able to juggle parental/care of dependants leave.

I have a feeling I'm probably making the situation worse by not talking it through with my boss now as a possibility, but I just know it's going to be a really grim conversation and it might all turn out to be unnecessary. Any of the other managers I've had over the years it would be so easy just to have an informal chat so everyone was aware but without it becoming a big issue if it didn't need to. With her I just know it's going to cause huge ructions and make life more difficult not easier.