Help!

[posypoo]

I have been offered a job, it's part-time, 2 days per week. It's a difficult industry to find jobs in, let alone part-time, so when a part-time opportunity came up I applied thinking 'I'll give it a go'. It's a half an hour commute, and I suspect would involve some overtime from home.

I should be over the moon. But instead I feel really apprehensive.

We could afford, at a push, for me to not go back to work. I could get a 'non-stressful' admin type p/t job even more locally when she is older, which is what I had planned to do before seeing this job come up. I was half thinking I might retrain altogether, to be a teacher, when she is at school but until then just be around as much as I could (and poss have another!)

I therefore can't decide if I am considering this other job for me, or to try and make my family (and DH) proud of me since I have never really fulfilled the potential they paid a load of money to send me to university to explore, and this has always been a massive bugbear for me, coming from a family of overachievers.

Clearly I am not doing it for my baby, since I would have to put her with a childminder (I have found an excellent one, which only partly makes me less apprehensive). It doesn't even pay all that much (it is good mainly for its prospects), though I would be earning us about £350 more than we have per month now which obviously all helps. And there is the pension and NI contributions etc, which I don't disregard as unimportant.

Mainly though, it just feels too soon. My baby would only be six months old when I start. I do not mean to reflect on anyone's else's personal choices when I say that for me this feels too early. Prior to getting pregnant I would felt differently, but in the throws of early motherhood, and having never done it before, there is something that feels fundamentally wrong to me about not being with my baby. But maybe that's just how everyone feels at first? Does it become more normal?

Can anyone help me decide what to do?!

I should add that the job would be interesting - I have done a similar one before and regretted leaving it, which I did because the (much longer) commute was killing me. But at the same time I am enjoying being with my baby more than any job I have ever done. I am just sick of not knowing what I want to do!

Well, you're the one who has to bite the bullet and say yes or no!

But if it were me, I'd jump at it like a shot. Two days a week in an interesting job in an industry which is difficulty to find work it? What's not to like?

I get the feeling from your post that your dilemna is around feeling that you aren't entitled to do something unless you can quantify all the benefits to everyone else in the family. You say you wouldn't be doing it for your dd, as if going to an excellent childminder two days a week is a disadvantage. Why should it be? Your dd will undoubtedly thrive, you will get the benefit of getting back into a interesting industry, and your DH will have some of the pressure of being sole earner taken off him. And as you point out, the pension etc is worth a hell of a lot.

It may help you to know that we all feel a massive sense of love, and wanting to be with our babies. However, this doesn't disappear if you work - you carry on feeling it, and enjoying every moment with your children, it's just that you aren't physically doing all the childcare yourself. I worked either 2 or 3 days a week with all each of my three children while they were pre-school age (and in fact returned with the eldest when she was 3 months). Best thing I ever did. It meant that when they were all in school, I was well established in my career, I wasn't having to scrape around trying to find work at the point when many women are desperate to get a foot back on the ladder. The actual take home pay while my children were small was negligible (I had two in nursery for several years) but as you point out, it's the longer term benefits which are more important.

Good luck with whatever you decide - but I really think if you go for it, you'll be amazed that it doesn't alter how much you love being with your dd, or how contented she is - it'll just be another dimension to your life

I definately think you should go for it. It is only 2 days a week and your fallback is that you can always leave after a couple of weeks if you find you dont like it but having read what you ahve said i think you will actually enyoy it once you have settled in and got over leaving your baby for 2 days a week. When you say you are not doing this for your baby i disagree. The way i see it i am going back to work for my baby as the money am earning will all help to give him a better home/ to live in a nicer area/ to go to a better school/ to help put some money away for his future.

My sister said that when she went back to work with her DD1 she felt terrible but her duaghter is now 2 and she absolutely loves nursery and she can clearly see how much more she has developed and advanced from having the expereince of going to a nursery.

Jobs are very hard to come by esp at the moment and i think you have already said in your post how much you think this job is right for you. If you try it and dont like it you can always leave but if you dont you ewill always regret it.

Good luck!

Thanks v much for your replies. I am (currently) going for it, but still have massive reservations.

Today was the first ease-in day at the childminder. LO cried when I gave her to the childminder, and was crying when I picked her up. She has been under the weather as she had her third lot of jabs yesterday and has been teething. And apparently wasn't crying the whole time. But still. Not a great start, and now I feel awful.

Does it get any better? I could do with some positive stories!

If you feel guilty and anxious about going back to work your baby will pick up on this. (It's a bit like taking your child to the dentist, they will play up if you're dentist-phobic).

Your daughter will slot into the new routine absolutely fine, you just have to give it a chance. She will be happy amd fulfilled if you're happy and fulfilled. Try 'faking it til you make it' - at least look happy even if you're feeling devastated at leaving her.

You will appreciate the time you do have with her even more, and if you're having a hard time at work, just the thought of her will cheer you up.

If it's still as traumatic a few weeks in, then you could reconsider your position.

Could I just let you know, that I went back to work two days a week when my child was a year old (he is now four). What I didn't know when, what I do know now, is there is a massive difference of feeling in leaving your child, between say, a year old and two years old. What I'm trying to say is, I would definitely do it, whilst you may not think you need stimulation now (which I can understand), I would say that by the time your baby is a year old, you will love that two day 'work'. I think it makes you appreciate everything so much more - you will love your time both at work, and with your baby, more because you have comparative time. I really would do it, given the choice, I would rather work for two days than be a SAHM - it really is the best of both worlds, a bit of 'work' (not that being home isn't!), but with the majority of your time being at home.

Hi there, thanks for your replies. I do feel better now (after feeling awful most of the day). I think it was just really unfortunate yesterday as there were a number of factors contributing to her being under the weather. Hopefully she'll be better at her next week's visit. I also think that at a year old I would regret not taking the opportunity. So I will try to stop thinking about it so much (and try to put on a non-totally disturbed by the idea of leaving her face!)

Thanks again.