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Nagging doubts about childminder - should I switch to nursery?

6 replies

MumOfEmily · 24/09/2010 11:12

Hi there,

I feel like I'm going round in circles at the moment regarding my 10 month old dd's childcare, and would really love some second opinions.

We found a local childminder that we liked a few months ago. She has been a cm for 20 years so has loads of experience and the children in her house seemed happy and contented - she appears to treat the children as part of her extended family. Her references were really good too. I like the idea of my dd being in a family/home setting and getting to know one person. The cm looks after two 3 year old girls and one older girl after school, so I thought this might be a nice mix and not too busy.

However, I'm going back to work in 4 weeks and have just started settling in sessions. Since then, there have been a couple of issues that have led me to doubt my choice. Firstly, on our first visit, there was a big dog in the house (who apparently she looks after for her son several times a week). The dog was very boisterous and not being kept apart from the children or controlled in any way. I was very concerned about this as she had not mentioned the fact that there would be a dog in the house before! Since then, I have told her that I'm not happy about the dog being there and she was very apologetic and has assured me that she won't look after the dog whilst my dd is in her care. Still not happy that she didn't ask me about it beforehand though!

Secondly, when I returned from the first settling visit, I noticed that my dd was playing with some toys that had small parts and not suitable for a 10 month old. I have now mentioned this to the cm too and she assured me that this was an oversight and she is normally very rigorous about keeping toys separate. She said that she makes the older children (3 years olds!) very aware that smaller toys must not be given to the baby. Hmm - still not very reassuring though!

On the plus side, dd has seemed very happy there so far.

However, now that I'm inclined to doubt our cm, I keep focusing on negative points. For example, on our second visit (a 2 hour visit), she had put on a DVD to entertain my dd whilst she gave the older children their lunch. Now I'm worried dd will just watch TV all day long whilst she's there! Also, the house is very busy with the phone ringing a lot and people popping in and out and the cm is a very chatty person (which I originally thought was a good thing) but now I'm worried this will detract from her caring for the children. Also, she made a comment to me about my dd being a good baby and I had obviously not "spoilt her by picking her up and carrying her around all the time". Actually, this isn't true and I don't believe in this sentiment at all and it has got me worried that the cm won't give my dd the affection that she needs.

Sorry - this is rather rambling. I have since found a small local nursery (only 6 babies) that seems really caring and friendly and I'm wondering whether to put my dd there instead. But I'd still much prefer for dd to be cared for in a home environment. However, there are no other suitable cms in my area - believe me, I've searched! Has anyone got any thoughts on all this??? Please help me to focus my thoughts - this is driving me mad! Confused

OP posts:
MrsCMAW · 24/09/2010 13:24

I don't have any experience of childminders but it sounds like you really aren't happy with this one. I think you need to think carefully about whether you are simply finding things wrong because you are nervous about leaving your DD. If you decide that the issues which are worrying you really are serious problems (and I wouldn't be happy AT ALL with some of the things you mention) then it sounds like the nursery would be a good plan.

For a nursery 6 babies is tiny and I'm sure your DD would get plenty of attention there.

Good luck :)

finallynaptime · 24/09/2010 17:49

Would you be able to spend some more time at the nursery seeing how they do things? Then you could compare what kind of gut feeling you get from there as compared to the CM. That might help with the decision process.

MumOfEmily · 26/09/2010 18:08

Thanks for your replies. I'm going back to the nursery tomorrow to spend some more time there and hopefully get more of a feel for the place. Fingers crossed that it helps me make my mind up as I'm still so undecided...

OP posts:
motherinferior · 26/09/2010 18:13

I get a mixed feeling about this; in all honesty, I think one of the lovely things my daughters did get from a childminder was the domestic atmosphere, the other children, the people coming and going. The not picking up would worry me a bit, I think. See what you feel about the nursery.

In the end, all the different forms of childcare can deliver - childminders, nurseries, nannies. I really believe this. It's a matter of finding something you are happy with, not the format it comes in iyswim.

MumOfEmily · 27/09/2010 13:12

Thanks motherinferior - I do like the sound of a domestic enviroment like you say. But you're also right that it has to feel right and that doesn't have to be with a childminder.

I've now been back for a second visit to the nursery and I just think it's wonderful there. By the end of the visit, I'd already made my mind up that I'd like to send dd to the nursery. What a relief - now I just have to tell the childminder that we're going to pull out - not looking forward to that. Do you think I should just be completely honest or maybe try and make an excuse? :(

OP posts:
Feelingsensitive · 27/09/2010 14:21

I cant think of an excuse you could come up with really. I would be kind but honest (to a point). I had a very similar situation a few years back. The CM was lovely but had to many children. I told her staright what the problem was but was nice about it and we have stayed on good terms. I think you are right to follow your gut instinct. Try and keep on good terms with the CM as you never know you may want to go back to her in a few years when your DD is at school.

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