Childcare issues and employer!

[ginnybag]

I always knew balancing childcare and employment wouldn't be easy, but I wasn't expecting it to be this tricky, this soon!

To give a full story, I work for a small-ish company and am responsible for a fair amount of important things over the course of the year, although day-to-day varies massively.

Because of this, I've been back at work full time since my LO was eight weeks old. I also came in for half days here and there - bringing her with me - when I was off on Mat Leave.

I've taken absolutely no time off sick personally in 6 years now and have only been off for family funerals (two days, both A/L) and three scans during pregancy. I made all my other appointments out of work hours. I've also taken a weeks A/L in July, one morning of which I came in and did the Payroll!

(I'm including all this to make it clear that I'm not inclined to ducking work for no reason!!)

On friday, my Childminder called me at 11.30am asking me to pick up my DD because she was having chest pain and had been told to ring 999.

I asked my employer if I could go and he pulled a face but couldn't really say anything but yes.

Fortunately, it turned out to be nothing life-threatening, but an infection in the cartilage in her chest. CM spoke to me on saturday and said she was feeling a lot better but had been instructed not to lift anything at all for a week! Would I be all right if she did tandem care for this week?

She would be there, it would be at her house, she just wouldn't be doing anything strenuous. I said I didn't see why it would be a problem and thanked for making the arrangement. She then explained that other person couldn't make Wednesday and that she had a doc's appointment Thursday morning at 8.40am.

Cue problem with employer.

I agree that notice on Monday for Wednesday off is short, but we had nothing in the calendar. I took a half day, in the afternoon, again as A/L, and my husband covered the morning. Not a lot else I could do - husband scheduled to be in a meeting in the afternoon that he absolutely could not miss short of someone dying.

This morning, I had a choice - either be half an hour late, waiting for CM to get back from Dr's so I could walk baby to hers and then get to work, or bring baby to work with me for ten minutes and have CM collect from here. I asked employer, he said he needed me here as he was going to out for the day and since he's never had an issue with me bringing her in when i've been coming in whilst off before, I thought that was that.

No.

I got shouted at loudly enough this morning that the Receptionist downstairs could hear him yelling. It's unprofessional (it is - I'm not arguing) It presents the wrong image (It does!) and I'd have been better taking the time off.

And I would have - except I asked him and he's, personally, inisisted I come in and being her with before.

I know it's not an ideal situation but I can't find alternate childcare in three days! I don't have family locally, at all, so it's my CM or nothing.

And all this is made more insulting by the fact that I used to work with his wife and was always covering for her because she was off with one of their kids!!

So, help... what do I do now, because I know similar issues will come up in future? And I know he's not sympathetic to childcare issues, because she's never had any part in them. As stated, it's always been his wife who was off, and her parents who provided care!

Sorry for the length of the pos

Isn't easy at all. I myself started a new job when DS was 2 (with nanny). Tried to negotiate 4x9 hours, but was really hard, so settled for 4 days/1 from home, but was really hard to get them to agree (they advertise with 'flexible work hours'). Then in first weeks I was nearly ordered to stay for an important client on my home-day. I just felt I couldn't. My son was expecting me. And arranging childcare last-minute, would have taken me hours, if not impossible. Refused. Day after at lunch had a long chat to explain how having children works. It wasn't easy though, but did get much better after that. I guess you have to figure out what's more important for you at this point: keep the job, or have the flexibility you need with your child. Also I am wondering, does he have a hidden agenda? Several mums I know have been bullied or coaxed into leaving 'more convenient for everyone' after having a first or second child.

You might have to subtly mention the law. Sounds as though you have a good working relationship but he really doesn't understand his obligations over this.

I don't know the specifics of the law but I don't believe he can sack you for having childcare issues, without putting himself at risk for a sex discrimination claim. I think you need to clarify what the law actually is, so if things get really bad you can say directly "You can't do that, it's against employment law."

In the first instance, depending on how you think it would best work, you could sit down with him and say "look, this is the situation - I have been incredibly dedicated and flexible (as per your above post) but the reality of being a working parent is that every so often these issues will crop up. And when there is nothing in the calendar you will have to be flexible."

Alternatively, you could make subtle hints. Depends how good he is at receiving hints (not brilliant if you think he hasn't apparently noticed your dedication) or whether he would react badly to a confrontational approach and feel threatened and then get into a power struggle. How you get the message depends on how you feel he would best receive it, but IMO you do need to get that message across - you have worked very very hard, but now you have DC, and you will continue to do everything possible to cover your duties all the time but every so often you will need some flexibility.

In a way you've made a rod for your own back by coming back from ML early, covering for his wife etc - instead of your dedication being appreciated, your boss is now completely ignorant of the challenges you face. I think you need to make him aware of them. You have explained it really clearly above and I think you need to explain it clearly to him. Don't be afraid to mention how you used to cover for his wife. He is identifying you with himself ATM (which is a compliment) rather than her. (I'm glad I'm not her, I have to say :)

I don't know the nature of your business but could you do some working from home, redirect the office phones to a blackberry, or similar, in emergencies? Sometimes "someone has to be here" is true (shop, or somewhere where customers/suppliers are in and out) but sometimes that is a bit dinosaurish. Certainly if something like phones or email need to be covered when he's out, that could be done from home surely - even if it takes him a while to get his head round it?

Good luck!

ooh and BTW, there is a huge irony in him shouting at you so loudly that the receptionist can hear you, about YOU being unprofessional! How professional is that?! And I'm surprised you didn't pick up on that in your post, if not at the actual time.

It may be that, if he's a shouter, your working relationship will need to get slightly more confrontational as you start to deal with these problems, but the relationship may well survive it. He clearly relies on you and (hopefully) values you very highly.