I've come in this morning and I'm shaking. After a visit to the surgery yesterday, I have started taking medication for gastric pain. I was off ill with depression for two months at the end of last year and had to force myself out of it by religiously taking my medication and forcing myself to do positive little things like go for a walk in the park every day. And, of course, I had to keep ds' side of things going too.
I'm worried I'm over-reacting. Maybe I should be stronger and keep looking at it (work) as 'glass half full'. After all, a lot of people I know have lost their jobs. I wanted to be one of those. I wanted to be released from here. I can't afford to leave though. I have got huge debts to pay, I am a single parent and ex does not help with anything so I've got pretty big expenses covering schools hols and 1/2 terms (not as much now though that ds is a bit older). Also, I have completed a professional qualification paid by my employer meaning that if I leave before 2 years, I have to pay something between 100-50%.
I never did get my degree but now that ds is well placed for senior school, I desperatly want to study and use my language skills (something that I am extremely passionate about) so I've found out about a tourism management undergraduate course at Glouceser Uni. I've been thinking about declaring myself bankrupt so that I can leave my job - they will probably dismiss me anyway as I'll be in breach of my ts&cs of employment. I don't know what to do. I'm worried that my health and my sanity will deteriorate if I stay. It's a combination of how bad things are here and how much I want to be doing something else. When we had the last round of redundancies, I prayed so hard that I would be included. Instead, what I had referred to at the time as 'my worst case scenario' has become true: I know report into somebody who does not know the concept of giving praise, who will not lift a finger to back your decisions and working with people who have no problems with stabbing you in the back. I am still friends with people from my old departments (some of them I worked with over 5 years ago) but here? The level of bitching and pettiness has been raised to a whole new heights.
I don't know what to do...