professional to SAHM?

[athometomakejam]

Before having DS1, I worked for the same very large multinational company for over 10 years and reached a very senior position. When I went on maternity leave, colleagues, friends and family all thought I'd be desperate to get back to work but almost as soon as I was off, I switched off from work and was more than happy to take the full year off. I was happy to go back after a year, but only on 3 days a week with DS at nursery. Now I'm on mat leave with DS2 and am thinking of extending my leave to 18 months at which time DS1 will be at school and then maybe just go back for enough time so I don't have to repay my maternity pay before resigning to be a SAHM.

We're fortunate that we can - just - afford to live on one salary and I feel that as DC get older they need me more and I don't like the idea of not picking them up from the school gates and not taking them to after-school activities and essentially everything at evenings and weekends being a rush of doing things for them and together and getting the chores done.

I know it's my decision (with DH of course) but the couple of people I've told have been really surprised with comments like 'that doesn't sound like you'. Work-wise, I like my job bt I don't see it as a career any more, it is just a job to me.

I'd love to hear any experiences from people who have made a similar move - am I looking at this through rose-tinted spectacles?? I'm also a bit scared of leaving a company in which I've built up a good reputation at a high level in terms of what if I did want to go back to work in 1/5/10 years?

I have seen a lot of posts on MN from women who gave up a career to be SAHM, because that was what felt right in the short term.

Fast forward 5-10 years and many of them (not all of course) feel intellectually bored and would relish the chance to go back to work part time or even full time.

Unfortunately, it is usually the case that they cannot at that point return to the type of job they had previously, or indeed anything similar. Some do reinvent themselves, start businesses, retrain etc, but not all.

I suppose what I'm saying is that if there is any chance that you might want to work in 5/10 years' time, it is really worth trying to keep working in some way - even if in the short term being a SAHM makes more sense, it may not be the best idea for your long term needs. Could you cut your hours any further? Do freelance or consulting work occasionally? Anything so there isn't a huge gap on your CV basically.

I do think that your DH needs to take a bit more responsibility for family commitments though if you are to keep working (or indeed even if you aren't). It's just not on to commit to picking up your child and then ring your DW at the last minute and say she has to do it.

Can you take a career break and spend some time on a work related project / education while you are out?

Think your DH's attitude towards childcare does not bode well for the future and I find myself in agreement with moraldisorder. When I hear women having whispered discussions with their DHs (& it nearly always is DHs)when they are not keeping their side of the bargain re: childcare, I think it sends a clear message to the woman's employer that she is not supported at home / as serious as she could be about her job - if she were she would make him keep his side of the agreement (same applies when it's always the DW taking time off to care for sick children).

I'd wait. Go back to work as planned and then give it 3 or 4months, then decide.

IME being on maternity leave (and in my case) with breastfeeding hormones floating about gives a very different feeling to reality. I was totally removed from reality during maternity leave. I now cannot really process how differently I felt to now.

I've only had experience of 1 maternity leave and I've returned full time, been back 9mths to a similar role to what you've described. I really really struggle with guilt and leaving my daughter, but the work thing is something im very sure I want to be doing. I know I couldnt feel like this during mat leave. Im very glad I didnt make a rash decision when I was in that baby honeymoon state.

I know its not the same for everyone though.....

Good luck

Moraldisorder I'm not a SAHM, I work for part of the week and stay and home for part of the week. Are you sure its me that you were referring too?

Nice that you had that choice Balsam.

I didnt and that makes it very much harder.

I also left a high powered, very well paid career to become a SAHM. It was very much what I wanted and DH is supportive, but I would recommend trying what we did financially if you have the option. We spent six months living off of his salary only, while I was still at work. Gives you some idea of what the change is really going to mean financially in terms of lifestyle. I found it helped both of us greatly to really feel that we understood a little of what we were getting into, as I comprised more than half of our income. It's not just a career change, it impacts things like ability to travel, the vehicles you buy, etc.

It has been the most wonderful decision I have ever made (to the absolute shock of former colleagues!) and I don't regret it for a second. Having said that, I think I would have found those first few months a much more difficult adjustment if I hadn't been a bit 'prepared' for the financial aspects of it.

IMO, while you will never go back to the same place in your career, certain skills are universally applicable (ie. if you were in that type of position, you likely possess certain attributes that will always be somewhat marketable). Should you need to find employment again in 5-10 years it won't be at the same level, but you won't be unemployable either.

Good luck with whatever you choose! :)

Hello,
I guess the way to see it is that you are already a SAHM for 4 days a week when you work 3 days.......what is it that you are struggling with exactly? It is important IMO to answer this question honestly in order to have the right way forward.
From a personal point of view, I have just gone back 3 days (have worked full time and been a SAHM too) and I can't tell you yet but I think it's probably a good balance, despite the juggling act...
For me it's mosgly about money; we have spent long periods of time living on DH salary alone (4 kids, lots of mat leave and career breaks) and I hated the financial compromises that came with it. We were quite comfortable but started to have to think twice about most things, esp with 4 kids. The suggestion to try living on 1 salary for a while is excellent.......good luck! xx

if you go sahm you take risk boredom,hard to re-enter job market,depndant upon husband

other hand if you weigh it up and sahm is more important to you,and you accept risks of lower wage,compromised career- go for it

imo dont go completely sahm.keep your hand in at work.maintain cpd and professional contacts.if youd drop out completly to sahm makes re-entry to job market harder as time passes

but do whatever suits you

I gave up a career - I wouldn't describe it as high flying but it was a professionial career rather than a job. I have been a SAHM for almost 3 years and have no regrets. DD is now at school and DS is at nursery twice a week. However, I am now looking for a 3 day week as I feel I need some time out and we need the money.

You say in you OP that you can just afford to live on one salary. We are in the same position and TBH if by 'just' you mean you can cover the essentials but none or only some of the luxuries I would think twice. We live like this and it gets wearing after a while. I am not complainig as we are very lucky in many respects but I can see clear differences between my experience as a SAHM and my friend who on one salary can afford a new car, holidays, weekends away, a cleaner and private nursery fees. The suggestion to live off one salary is really good.

I also think you need to factor in the boredom. Yes it can be rewarding and for the most part I have enjoyed being a SAHM but there are many days when I just can't wait for the DCs to go to bed .

Re: extending your maternity leave to 18 months. I originally did this and found it an incredibly difficult time to leave my DS which is when I handed my notice in. He was very upset whereas if I had returned after a year it would have been easier.

If I were you I would give the 3 day week job a go. Its hard living on one salary if you can only just get by and what is currently a novelty may have worn thin after 2 or 3 years of domestic drudgery. However, if you do go for it I would strongly suggest you look into following an interest which may lead to a job later.

Good luck.