Managing a colleague post maternity leave

[tigger15]

A friend has returned to work after maternity leave and is facing a difficult situation. She works in a team where she is higher than a colleague and is meant to direct and supervise him. Before maternity leave she had issues with him in that she felt he was not capable of doing some work and seemed to be trying to undermine her.

Since her return the problem has got much worse. Certain key pieces of work that should have been done have either not been or have been done inadequately which is threatening the success of the whole project. He is rude and disrespectful to her both directly in emails and to other people behind her back including starting rumours about her which are intended to show a lack of commitment to her staying with the company. He also tries to act as if he were superior to her despite the fact that it is recognised by all that she is more experienced and capable. She has been informed that in order to progress she needs to find a way of dealing with this guy.

My thoughts on the issue is the way to manage this is to make a list of all the things that he has done wrong and analyse the attributes/lack of skills which cause them e.g. alienating a supplier by an inappropriate message - communication issue and supervision issue - solution=no letter to be sent out by him without it being checked by xyz. It would also be a good idea to get feedback from other people who have managed this guy while she's been on maternity leave so she can build this in.

She can then have a meeting with him (effectively a mini-appraisal) in which she states what these issues are with reference to specific incidents, notes his response and sees if he's williing to work for her and tries to bring him round to a more collaborative style of work. If he's not (and she believes based on his treatment of other women that he might have an issue with women in control) she will be in a stronger position to pass this matter up to the next level and HR because it will be a performance and attitude related problem and not a straightforward personality clash.

My view is that she should respond to his latest rude email with a very short message along the lines of "the tone of your message is inappropriate. we need to discuss" and then put off the disucssion until she's collated all the info above.

Does anyone have any advice on how best to handle this type of problem? I have very little experience in management and would be grateful for any views on my suggested approach or any others which are likely to give a successful outcome.

Go and speak to HR in first place.

This is a simple manage someone out of the business type of situation. Should take no more than 6 months to get rid of him.

Personally I'd just offer him a compromise agreement and tell him its the only way he's going to get a good reference.

I do agree with you but she's been told that she needs to learn to manage him in order to progress. It sounds to me like bullying from below.

just to add this is her 2nd baby so she is experienced in the whole managing baby and working, although may be subject to some hormonal views given she's still nursing.

Leaving her to deal with it sounds like a cop out - she needs to establish from HR or her own line manager what a successful outcome looks like.

Your proposed way of dealing with it sounds eminently sensible. In addition, she needs to get any interim managers views in writing, together with accounts of how they managed it with him (notes of appraisal interviews, agreed management plans and outcomes). If there are none, she will need to start from scratch, including with his contract and reference to wider employment law. She will need to make contemporaneous notes of all performance management discussions, management plans and outcomes (which he should also see and agree); she may want to consider having an agreed appropriate witness present if this becomes sticky.

Check your disciplinary procedure and follow it. Tell him he needs to improve and hiw. Make the improvements expected measurable. Review regularly AND provide support to change. Document all meetings and get his signature on all documents
and keep them on file. If he does not improve go down the warning route

May be too far gone for this but a book that has been recommended to me is "Dealing with people you can't stand". Its premise is that most people are trying to "get" something such as get along or get things done and much unfortunate behaviour comes out when they feel they are stifled in achieving their aim. May be worth a read.

By seeyoukay Sun 05-Sep-10 11:08:21

"This is a simple manage someone out of the business type of situation."

I disagree that there's any such thing as a simple 'manage someone out' situation. It's never that simple, and in any case the OP doesn't actually give any indication that 'getting rid' of this guy is the objective here, only that her friend needs to be able to deal with him and improve his behaviour.

Tigger15 is she is manager or not? You say she is meant to 'direct and supervise' him but then also say that if it's a performance and attitude related problem she will be passing up to 'the next level' rather than dealing with it herself. If she's managing him she needs to be able to deal with performance, attitude and behaviour concerns herself, albeit with appropriate support and advice from elsewhere.

In fact if there's a question that he doesn't respect her sufficiently, it's even more crucial she deals with it herself, but how she does it and how much of it she does as opposed to someone else will depend on her responsibility level.

Thank you everyone for your responses.

Flowery - I changed the details slightly to protect her anonymity but she is a professional working in an office (think accountant/solicitor type) where the only true managers are partners but those below them are meant to delegate work and manage the handling of issues in relation to this delegation as they get more experienced.

It is unusual for someone of her level to engage in a full scale disciplinary because that has to come from the top. I can't quite work out if her boss has misread the situation as a personality clash which can be relatively easily sorted out by a quick chat, is trying to pass the buck, or sees this as an opportunity for her to prove she is capable of management skills and therefore use this as support for a promotion. Or a combination of all 3.

I think the key thing she needs to prove is the ability to deal with a difficult person and show she can command respect or at least adherence to the line rather than just saying it is too difficult.

What do you think about trying my original strategy but running it past HR and the boss involved first as in "you've asked me to resolve this, this is what I intend to do, grateful for any comments before I do it" approach? That way if they then think this is something that requires a more formal approach they can take it over but she will have shown she has the skills to tackle it. If not, she will also have lain the groundwork for them taking a more formal approach.

Hi tigger

I think your approach is great, except I don't really agree with "put off the disucssion until she's collated all the info above" - she needs to act on this asap, and the rude email can be added in with all the rest of it.

There seem to be two parts to this

1. he is rude and obnoxious to your friend, in person and by email, who is his "supervisor" and has responsibility for projects that he contributes to
2. his performance is poor - he doesn't complete tasks, and has bad communication (eg with supplier

I get the feeling management want her to sort out 1). Then once 1) is sorted out, either 2) will sort itself out because he's working properly, or it won't, in which case this is a management problem that the top will deal with.

IMO your friend wants to avoid the scenario where management dismiss this as just a "personality clash". To management, if they hear those words, it means "not our concern - just get on with it", and also "it's two people's fault". This is not her fault - he's not completing tasks and being rude in emails, it's all down to him! She needs to deal "officially" with his performance as per your suggestions. It's good in a way that he does miss deadlines, send rude emails etc., because if he was only obnoxious to her no-one else would be concerned and she might get stuck in this situation.

I know this is MN so we focus on mum stuff, but IMO all the stuff about her still nursing/possibly hormonal etc. should not form part of any discussions with either him or management. This isn't about any of that. The same goes for talking about him possibly having an issue with women in control - this is a possible reason for his behaviour, but it's not important. He is doing plenty wrong, that's where she should focus discussion.

You say he's been rude and disrespectful to her, but also mention "alienating a supplier with an inappropriate message". This suggests to me that he isn't doing (all of) this deliberately, but rather out of bad communication skills. This perspective might help your friend. It's very depressing and upsetting when you think someone hates you and is out to get you (IME!), but if they are just bad at communicating that's something you can help them with. It helps to take the emotion out of it and IMO that is always a good thing, especially when she has to deal with this guy in such a way as the "top" know what she's done.

Good luck to her! :)

In a partnership structure this kind of thing is a nightmare - the people running the show (partners) never seem to take the same mgmt responsibility you see in other orgs and they always seem to totally avoid 'people issues'

I think she needs to turn this to her advantage (just as he is trying to do), by calling his bluff. She should present the facts to him and ask him how he feels he will progress through the firm without being able to get along with colleagues. She should tell him that he needs to get his act together because otherwise the formal written feedback she gives his people manager will suggest he is incapable of progressing at the moment, because of his 'development needs'. She should also make it clear that unless he improves she will blacklist him from her jobs and will tell the scheduler exactly why she is doing this. She should also state quite explicitly that she will never like him and accepts that he will never like her, but that if he continues to play these games and to gossip about her behind her back then she will have no hesitation in hitting back hard, with evidence, and formally, and that she will put in a formal bullying complaint to HR.

What he doesn't realise (and she needs to imply) is that he thinks he has the upper hand because he can question her commitment post babies, whereas in fact she has the upper hand because HR will be far more worried about a female working mother creating a stink, than they will about a junior male worker, and they will overreact to accommodate her (and so avoid accusations of discrimination) rather than take his side.

i am a partner in this sort of a business and my take on this, based on what you've said, is that the partner is getting a bit fed up with what appears to be a project going off track whilst two members of staff engage in some petty bickering. This may well be unfair - but you've described bits of work not being done to time or the required standard - as a partner this would concern me. I suspect I wouldn't care too much about disrespectful emails between the team unless they were discriminatory or bullying. I would care that my team seemed unable to work together, particularly if this was setting a bad example to other more junior members of staff, but i wouldn't particularly care whose fault it was - i'd just want it to stop.

I think what your friend needs to do is stop being nice about it and start managing - if she's in charge she needs to call him on the poor performance and deal with it. The approaches you have suggested all seem very sensible.

I suspect that this is probably what they mean when they tell her to find a way of dealing with it if she wants to get promoted. I would advise her to stop caring about the person and sort out the project. Once he knows he can't upset her he'll probably stop anyway.

Clearly, if any of the treatment is discriminatory then she may want to take action - but if it's just irritating and unpleasant then her career is best served by ignoring it and doing a good job. I imagine that management responsibilities may have become a little clouded and disjointed during her maternity leave and the other person is using this to take advantage - she needs to reinstate her authority.

Thanks Alarmbells I also agree that the key thing to do is move this off the personal so there is less of a question about their relationship and more on his competency.

Stillsquiffy agree with your view on management issues. It's the same where I work as well.

Mrs Wobble I really liked your post. I think you've hit the nail on the head for most of the issues she is facing.

Thank you for all your responses. They are much appreciated by her.

Did he have an appraisal while she was on M/L and how was it?

Think she needs to have regular meetings with him to ensure work is on track and he gets the support to turn his performance round. Talk about her being hormonal is not appropriate, she needs to behave professionally as well as him.

Obviously rude comments and emails are not on. People will know she is committed to her work and the company through her attitude to work and professionalism.