Latchkey kid?

[LovelyDear]

I have a very naive question. At the moment my primary school dcs (6 and 10) go to after-school club on my 2 work days until I pick them up at 6pm. What arrangements do working parents make for 11/12 year olds, who presumably get home from school at about 4.30-5pm? Is it normal for them to come home to an empty house? Or do I need to arrange afterschool care for an hour til I get there with my younger dd?

Good question...and what do they do in the holidays?

I let mine come home alone after school in P7 (so 11 or 12), but I encouraged them to do an after-school activity or go to the library after school for a while so that they would be home alone for a shorter time.

School holidays? You need to call in a lot of favours with friends, and reciprocate. Ideally, if you only work 2 days, you're looking for someone with kids of a similar age but who works a different 2 days.

Otherwise, get them into golf. Junior fees are pretty reasonable, and a game (plus lunch) takes up most of the day. That's if there's a course near you.

Once they get to 13-14, you can leave them in the house safe in the knowledge that they'll only roll out their bed a couple of hours before you finish work.

Thank you. Part of the reason for my question is because i'm considering increasing my working days to 3 or 4. Lucky to have the possibility, I know, and we need the money, but I think the practicalities are too tricky to contemplate.

bumping. i have The Meeting tomorrow where i need to talk convincingly about what want to do. And i still don't know. i'd love more work, but not if it causes home strife....

On a positive note- that tricky period of age 11/12 doesn't last too long. It is tricky though, when they no longer have primary after school club, and are too old to want to be 'minded'.

I agree that a combination of after school activities is a good idea - most schools have quite a bit going on these days. Or make some arrangement of going to a friends house, or bringing someone back with them if you don't want to leave them alone.

It's not long before they'll be fine alone - and indeed will relish the independence and responsibility.

Lynette - for school holidays, either continue the arrangement you use for before/after school during term time, or (we found this really useful when working in school hols) find a local older teen or Uni student home from hols who will appreciate the extra money, and will be seen as 'cool' rather than a 'childminder'. We had a fantastic 20 yr old who had our kids when they were at that awkward inbetween age.

My ds has come home to an empty house since he was about 11. My main concern was that I didn't have any family or close friends near enough to be of any help if there was an emergency. What I did do (initially) was to make him phone me to let me know he'd got home safely. He was also not allowed out of the house / to have any friends in. He's a (fairly) sensible boy and it worked well.
Holidays are a bit more tricky. Even this summer holidays when he was 12 I am very reluctant to leave him alone for whole days at a time. He of course is very reluctant to be 'looked after' by a childmiinder alhtough he did go to a sports club for a week which he enjoyed. In the end I took a month's unpaid leave (v lucky that I was able to do this, I know) which helped a bit along with annual leave etc.

That's a very good point bogwobbit.

Once you are leaving them alone, build in strategies for knowing they're ok. I used to get dd to call me as she left school, and then when she arrived home. (20 minute walk). Also have rules about answering the door, what they are allowed to do/not do (eg use kettle, cooker)

TBH as long as you build up gradually, then actually you are doing your child a favour, because that's how they learn to be independent. My mum only ever worked short hours, so was almost always home first, but I remember on the rare occasions I did get home first as a young teenager, really enjoying that feeling of being independent and having my own space.

I also think these days, mobile phones have made things far more reassuring for parents, because it's so easy to be in touch with your kids wherever they are.

thanks guys. i am reassured. had the meeting today and agreed to go to 3 days. boss was mainly v helpful and willing to be flexible. phew.

Could you also let a trusted neighbour know that he will be home alone so that s/he can be on hand for immediate emergencies if they arise? Back in the 80s when I was 11 and a latchey kid for a few hours after school, my neighbour was always aware and even called in on me each afternoon (just once each day) to check I was okay and didn't need anything. Great relief to my parents but also it didn't bother me much because the neighbour was actually very nice and didn't linger!

Oh my goodness, just realised how old this thread it!!!

At that age, my mum had an arrangement with an elderly neighbour that I would go and walk her dog after school each day. By the time I'd done that, and had a coffee and a biscuit (of the sort my mum never bought), it was gone 5. Win win for mum and neighbour, and I did that for years

both of my parents worked full time as a kid, when the time came for me to start coming home alone i think I was about 12? they arranged for the lady that lived next door (retired) to watch over me (just popping over for a tea really for a few minutes at five ish). i also went over to hers on 1 day, helping her out for an hour (basically just watching some tv with her and normally finding her glasses, really, i also used to clean out her cat litter trays those days too).

so.. just a mix of having a watchful eye over me until about 14 i think, and being expected to help out a neighbour at some point evey week really.