Hi there BoristheBold
I'm a CEO and regularly receive such requests, so hope I can give you some pointers?
It's well written, but it is a bit of an epic - the shorter you make it, the easier for the recipient to read, and the less complex the whole process. If it were shorter, you are more likely to keep the reader's attention, this long and I would be needing to re-read to ensure I was keeping up!
I've had a go at re-phrasing - see what you think - feel free to ignore my advice!
I'm not sure what you do, but I'm not entirely sure i'd agree to a request which says it's to care for your child/children - is there some way you can make it clear that your children will all be in childcare? As a manager I'd want to know that you aren't working and caring for a child at the same time, as it wouldn't be possible to dedicate time to both simultaneously.
and most of all - GOOD LUCK!
I've put a 
to signify the start of a change I've suggested.
Dear xxxx
I am applying for a change to my working pattern, under section 80F of the Employment Rights Act 1996
? I will have parental responsibility for the upbringing of three children aged 5, 4 and 0 months (as at November 2011).
I can confirm that I have worked continuously as an employee of the company for the last 26 weeks (I'd put in here how long you have actually worked for the company). and have not made a request to work flexibly during the past 12 months.
My current working pattern is
Monday - Weds 8am-4pm (office based)
Thursday and Friday 8am-2pm office based
and an additional four hours worked at home, over Thursday and Friday afternoons
In addition I work flexibly from home for two full days per month.
I request the facility to change my working pattern from 13th June 2011 (my return from maternity leave) as follows:
Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays- Home based, 8am-4pm ,
Office based 8am-4pm Tuedays and Wednesdays.
This flexible working arrangement would allow me to work a pattern which is less interrupted and therefore more productive during the working from home days, whilst still being fully available and contactable to colleagues, and allowing me to dedicate time to conference calls and meetings in the two office based days. This would also allow me to continue in the role on a full-time basis, eliminating any need for recruitment or training.
I can commit to putting additional hours in on some occasions to ensure that urgent matters are completed within expected timescales. Statistics are produced on a monthly basis which will allow my line manager to compare my output and workload to my current office based levels and address any issues should they arise.
What does this mean???? Also, as xxxxxx will not be able to be added to xxxxxxx in a timely manner if my output were to deteriorate, this would again highlight any issues.
The effect on the business and my colleagues can be dealt if you use the phrase 'dealt with' it makes it sound like a problem - so would advise using some other more positive phrase? with by open communication to colleagues and clients to highlight which days will be home or office based and planning meetings and workloads accordingly, with regular supervision ? sounds more professional that 121 1-2-1 meetings with my line manager to would remove the wod 'quickly' quickly address any problems issues a better word than 'problems' or queries. The communication should also make clear that my role will continue to be full time with the existing responsibilities continuing and no delegation of activities other than as required to provide team cover or training. Any London based meetings could take place on Tuesdays or Wednesdays with a flexible approach from me to any early starts or late finishes. As I work fairly regularly from home at present, increasingly so over the last few months, my line manager is fully aware that there has been no deterioration in my output as a result of this. I have no line reports and work on a fairly independent basis both factors which lend themselves to home working more readily then other situations. I have a BB and laptop with VPN which will allow me full access to all of the systems required to carry out my role. Any additional support from line manager and xxxxxxxx is currently mostly carried out via email (this is preferable given the audit requirements of my role) and I cannot foresee any problems with continuing on this basis. xxxxx already provide dial in facilities in most meeting rooms, which would be used to my advantage and would allow me to participate in any department wide meetings I may be unable to attend in person. I am a naturally organised worker and am able to prioritise my workload effectively with no input from my line manager. As such, I would not expect my location to adversely affect my performance and output. some of this sounds a bit rambling.
This working pattern would allow me to reduce commuting time and costs (and environmental impacts) and would also reduce childcare costs as the drop-offs and collections would change in my favour as a result of not travelling into xxxxxx each day. These changes would provide me with a much preferable work/life balance whilst not negatively impacting my role or the business in any way.
Yours sincerely,