One person's comments are making me dread returning...

[Ayamama]

I am due to return to work next Monday after 12 months maternity leave. I have spent the past 12 months brooding over a few comments made by one individual in my team and I am starting to dread going back and seeing her again.

First some background. My husband and I both work very long hours. My working day, right up until the birth of my DD involved leaving the house at 8:30am and returning home at 8:30pm. We are working abroad and have no parents to help us.

I feel really unsure about returning to work and leaving my DD at 10 months. Weaning her from breastmilk, etc has been heartbreaking. I discussed my fears with my manager and it was agreed that I should return on reduced hours (Friday off) with one day a week work from home. This means that I will only have to work the long hours 3 days per week.

Before I went on maternity leave, I noticed that the reaction of one woman who I had considered as a friend up to that point was becoming more and more hostile. She made a lot of comments about my pregnancy and perceived unfair advantages. She basically made me feel like it would be better for the company if I quit, rather than making it difficult for everyone with my 'working mother baggage' (she means taking time off due to maternity appointments, taking maternity leave, etc). I have not had any contact with this woman since I have been away and as the time to return draws near I am wondering what nasty comments she has in store for me on my return. I am also dreading that she finds out about my reduced hours and work from home agreements.

I just needed to get this off my chest.

Your hours are nothing to do with her. If she is making nasty comments then she is bullying you.

Tell her it is none of her business and report her if she continues to make your working life uncomfortable.

It is difficult enough to return to work after a break.

Thanks for your response.

What you are saying makes perfect sense and I am annoyed with myself for getting bothered by this individual.

I used to really respect this woman for being so dedicated to her career. She often talked about how she had chosen her career above having children and she always puts in long hours. I wish we could still be friends but you are right, I can't put up with the way she is speaking to me. I am going to try avoidance at first and, if needs be, confrontation.

Now I just have to focus on going back next Monday [worried face].

I suppose that she is jealous of you. Having 'chosen her career over children' (and actually, you don't know that this is true - maybe she didn't make that choice), in her perception you are getting both. She is choosing to ignore the fact that you will be expected to maintain your work output whether working from home or not plus you are still looking after the needs of a small baby.

Some people will always feel bitter about what they see as others getting a better deal than themselves. Your employers think enough of you to make these arrangements. If she starts with the nasty remarks, suggests that she goes to see your manager with her, "It's not fair" complaints rather than sniping at you.

I hope, though, that she will have got over it by now and that all goes smoothly for you. Best of luck on Monday!

Put some space between you and this dreadful woman and try and recognise that we all feel orrible in the run up to going back.
The arrangment for your baby sounds great.
Its better you feel like this,you may be pleasantly surprised.The other way ie feeling positive might be a let down then.Take it one day at a time and reward yourself with a treat. Re the breast milk,my dh chucked my beautiful frozen breast milk down the sink,(said there were ice bergs in it) and went out and got powdered milk and then he told me he had had to teach my little 3 week old baby how to suck from a bottle.I went back to work after a cs -driving lifting stuff etc etc.You know what I was as happy as a pig in muck,cos I had got my lovely little baby.Fast forward 20 years and she is a really lovely beautiful and caring girl.So dont worry too much!

seenyertoes- I think there might be some truth in the jealousy theory, but as you say, she hasn't stopped to think about what a challenge it will be for me to make the same contribution to the business plus child rearing (I also want to be a good mum!).

"Your employers think enough of you to make these arrangements"

I am going to bear your words in mind on Monday.

jardy- I bet you are so proud of your DD and I bet she is proud of you. Another thing that this woman had the gall to say to me was that I should 'consider the long term effects of working on my child'. I felt so upset by this (8 months pregnant at the time) even though I don't believe it to be true. Your DD a case in point!

I am going to have to avoid this woman at work. I will even have to avoid having lunch in the same 'clique', which feels so petty!

Will also stock up on treats .

Ayamama,you sound much stronger.Seen said a really wise thing in Your employers think enough of you to make these arrangements.
Its much better that you are concerned about your little daughter,the unsureness you describe is motherlove,worse if it wasnt there.
How dare that woman make the outrageous comment about you considering the long term effects of working on your child!!!And you been 8 months pregnant!Right thats it,you are so much better off now than you were before this woman made such disparaging remarks,in an effort to put you down.You KNOW what this woman is like now,you didnt before.Keep a friendly distance,no need to avoid her at lunch in the clique,this will make her feel she has the upper hand.Just be professional,friendly but on your guard.I have just told my dd the circumstances and she just laughed,she doesnt mind at all that she went to a Day Nursery and she is a really well adjusted girl,just really normal and lovely.Dont worry so much,but the fact you are worrying shows you are a lovely and caring individual.Your baby is extremely lucky to have such a loving and devoted mum.It will come right,believe me it will get better and mumsnet will give you lots of tips.Take care ((hugs))

What a vile old bag. I think she is probably jealous of you tbh.

Good luck with your return on Monday

Ignore her. If your employers have agreed to those terms it's your right to back under them!

The only negative comments I recieved (about returning part time) was from a woman (who didn't have kids) - something along the lines of part timers not pulling their weight.
Then we were all made redundant and she retrained and - guess what - chose to go part time.

Good luck with returning to work