SAHM - Stay At Home Man??

[HardyPerineum]

My mat leave is over and I'm going back to work.

My DH is giving up work to look after our DC - because I earn more than he does it made sense for us to do it this way round.

I'm worried that he won't be able to tap into the "baby community" I've been so glad of since DC was born, because they're all women.

What do you mums think? anyone else in this position or have DHs in this position who could reassure me?

It will be difficult for him. Sorry, I cant put a gloss on it.

I am not trying to make a point here but my experience is that women in playgroups, nursery, the school gate, etc are just reluctant to talk to Dads. I dont know why.

I am not an outgoing person which makes it worse. If DH is outgoing, he may overcome it. There just are not that many Dads about to talk to about childcare stuff or even have a chat with. Most bloke work so there is not that much in common with a SAHD.

In fact MN is the only place I do talk about childcare stuff. DW is much more able to access the 'mummy network'. There are 'Mums dinners' for each class at school and 'Mums coffee mornings'. I have never been invited. Not that bothered - but even so.

I work with DW and we share childcare so not a problem but if I was on my own it would be really difficult.

Thankyou for your honesty BeenBeta. It is odd, isn't it - women who have been through "the great mystery of childbirth" (ha ha) automatically get entry into this world of children's centres, coffee mornings and other support groups, but men are barely considered, even the ones who are the main carer for the baby.

Everyone DH talks to seems really impressed and supportive of his choice to bring up his DC, but there's nothing, I don't know, concrete.

I find my DH gets spoken to far more and has far more attention from the mummies than I ever have! (He is not a SAHP but does most of the dropping off/picking up etc)

I think your DH will be just fine. My hubby does a lot of drop off and pick ups and gets chatting to the other Mums.

Although he wasn't very happy when I enrolled him on a 'Sing and Sign' course and he was the only bloke!

If he can join in the "I was up all night, Can't get them to take 8oz, Have you started weening' conversations he'll be fine:)

My DH has been a SAHD for 4 years now. It helped that I introduced him and handed him over to a group of mums who I'd already made friends with and they took him along to the groups I normally went to. He's very good friends with them now but it has taken longer to get chatting to the playground mums when our DS1 started reception last September, this has come with time though.

He is also now fine with going on courses where all the other participants are women and with talking about pregnancies, childbirth and other womenly issues. He's a fantastic dad and an excellent role model for our sons - and all the other kids at the various groups he goes to latch on to him as well...

He's not very good at housework but the arrangement has worked very well for us overall, I do feel like I am missing out a bit sometimes though and get cross about the numerous coffees at the garden centre, but ho hum!!!

Thankyou bleedingheart, Thorpster and abgirl for replying.

DH is pretty easygoing and good at talking to ladies about things like baby sick (oh, the talents we learn with a new baby) so I really hope he'll make some connections.

I think going with him to introduce sounds like a great thing to do.

I have spoken on here before about my DH who has been SAHD for over 2 years now - admittedtly we live in a close knit community however he has been fully accpeted and goes to Mums and Tots and coffe mornings etc. the other mums are often now very surprised if I turn up at school gates. They even planned a leaving do for him as we are moving soon but they forgot to check he was free (made an assumption!) and he was actually with me for our 20 wk scan!
He even gets invited to things like the obligatory Pampered Chef parties although normally passes those invites on to me

I think if you relax and are fairly outgoing and also willing to "muck in" - make your share of the cakes, hold other peoples little ones while they nip to the loo etc then he should soon settle in

Hardy

I always talk to Dads, especially if they look a little lost!

It has been said that being a Rep for Usborne books is a great ice-breaker, and would earn a bit of extra income too, totally flexibly around SAHD duties of course!

Drop me a line if you're (he's!) interested!

[email protected]

x

My DH is a SAHD and it's absolutely fine.

Our 3 are school age and he does lots of the school things. But mostly between 9 and 3 he does his own very 'manly' hobbies.

So I guess it depends on your DHs personality...