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I just need a little reassurance, please!

2 replies

EveWasFramed72 · 03/08/2010 08:58

Hi, am a regular poster in AIBU, so I know better than to post this there!

I am just finishing up my MA, and at the end of this month, will start a fantastic job as a result of that MA. I am really pleased to have found a position in this job market, and it really is a great opportunity. It will also help my family so much, since being a full time student has obviously left us pretty low on cash.

So...all good. BUT. DS is 4 and starting reception in Sept. DD will be 3 in Sept. I was home with them until he was 2 and she was 1, then I did 9 months of work experience before my degree programme started, and he and my DD went to my sil, who is a childminder. Worked out really well, and because it wasn't permanent, I didn't feel too bad about it.

When I go back to work, my hours will be long, so DS will not only be starting Reception, but he'll have to be in before/after school club as well. DD will attend nursery at the same school, also doing before/after school. My job is term time only, which is so great, but I am feeling absolutely wracked with guilt that I will be leaving them at school so long, when it's their first school experience, iyswim.

DH feels bad, too...but his hours are the same as mine, so can't really do anything to change things. SIL is 30 minutes away; convenient when I was doing work experience and at uni, but not now.

I know this job will be great for us all, but I didn't expect to feel so guilty about it...some of my guilt stems from really wanting to go back into the workforce...I am a social person, and being at home with two small children was a bit difficult for me.

I just need a little reassurance, please...thanks for reading, I know it was a bit long winded!

OP posts:
moonminmama · 03/08/2010 09:16

I have nothing but admireation for SAHMs mainly because I know I couldn't do it! I in many ways am like you, in that I enjoy going out to work. I have a ds who starts school in sept and another LO on the way (scan today but I work full time (I'm a teacher) ds will be going to breakfast and after school club too. Lo will go to the nursery where the club is when they are 6 months old.

I understand your guilt, I felt the same at first. Now however and I'm not just saying this to make excuses for myself, but I am so pleased I went back to work. Ds has positively blossomed at nursery. Interacts well etc he can do things I would never have dreamt of doing with him at home. As a result of the fact that dh and I both work ft we have recently moved into our dream home andare still able to take ds to nice places, eat out, go on Holiday etc. I understand these aren't everyones priorities but it's things like this that I am glad I work for. I know that if I didn't work I wouldn't have these things and our dc wouldn't have the opportunities they have/will have. Also I absolutely love my job and think a lot of it makes me the person/wife/mum I am. You obviously are looking forward to your job so go enjoy it. IMO your children will be absolutely fine. Not spending every minute of every day with my ds means that when we are together we have an absolute ball. I'm obviously biased. But I think my ds is fantastic! Well mannered, happy and an all round lovely little boy- we have been told this by strangers many a time so I can't be wrong
I suppose what I am trying to say is that I'm in the same position as you and I know I'm happy and as I said my ds is happy so what's the harm?

Sorry it's such am epic post but I feel quite strongly about this one. You clearly aren't ' abandoning' your children, so go enjoy your job and your children with out the guilt. Hth. And good luck with the new job

EveWasFramed72 · 03/08/2010 10:29

moonminmama If I could...I'd hug you!! LOL
It is really good for me to hear about experiences like yours...it really does make me feel better about going forth with this. Lots of 'stuff' isn't a priority with us either, but I really look forward to some of the things that two salaries will afford us...even something as simple as all going out for a Sunday lunch once and a while...something we haven't been able to do since I've been in school. And though we travel to America once a year to see my family, I want to be able to go away for weekends now and then...spend really GOOD quality time with the family. It's not all about the money, but we will be able to do so much more together.

Thanks for sharing your experience, and congratulations on the new baby...I hope the scan goes really well!

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