who travels for work - childcare arrangements, effects on family?

[mrsbaldwin]

Inspired by Bramshott's 'pangs of grief' thread also in this topic I thought I would ask:

*who stays away from home for work (anything from one night to much longer periods away)? (I know you're out there travellers!)

*how young are your DCs?

*how do you cover childcare when you're away?

*what kind of deal do you need to strike with DH, family members etc

*do you think it has any effect on your family (eg disruptive, absence makes heart grow fonder etc)

Here is my contribution:
As I said on Bramshott's thread, I used to travel a lot for work before DC. I want to start picking it up again. DH is v supportive (which is great) although has said he wants live-in nanny if I'm going to do this. We have started the process of converting the loft for nanny accommodation.

Really interested to hear how you make it work.

*who stays away from home for work (anything from one night to much longer periods away)? (I know you're out there travellers!)
Me - have travelled for the last 10 years, anything from v long days, most commonly 2/3 nights away, but a few long trips a year, internationally.

*how young are your DCs?
4, but went back to travelling when he was 6 months, longer trips from a year

*how do you cover childcare when you're away?
Nursery as normal. We did have a babysitter for a while who could bring DS back from nursery and cover, but she has a new job and can't do it. Approx twice a year the ILs will help put.

*what kind of deal do you need to strike with DH, family members etc.
None - DH knew it was part of my job when I took it then when we decided to have DS. More complex now he travels more too.

*do you think it has any effect on your family (eg disruptive, absence makes heart grow fonder etc)
It can be tricky to manage, and DS only gets upset if DH and I both travel in quick succession. Otherwise, it gives DH and me space from each other

I know other mums that travel - one (children 16, 9, and 3) has done au pairs and currently has a nanny (live out), one has v v v helpful family, and another has a DH who works part time and has school age children

*who stays away from home for work (anything from one night to much longer periods away)?

I've only had to travel a few times since we had DD1 (3 yrs). This was a couple of times for a night or two, and one 2.5 week international trip. I've now got DD2 (6 months), and will need to do a long (2 week) trip away at some point in the next couple of years. There will also be at least a couple of shorter trips to do.

*how do you cover childcare when you're away?

DH does drop off/collection with shorter trips. For longer trips, my parents come to stay to help out. However, my parents are getting on a bit. Thankfully, the longer trips are sufficiently few and far between that we should be able to cover them with just DH taking over (perhaps taking a bit of annual leave to take the pressure off him.)

*what kind of deal do you need to strike with DH, family members etc

See above. I make sure everything is well organised before I go (clothes washed, online grocery shop ordered etc.)

*do you think it has any effect on your family (eg disruptive, absence makes heart grow fonder etc)

The short trips weren't a problem. DD1 struggled a bit with the longer trip, but she adores my parents so that helped her to cope. I used skype every day whilst I was away. I also bought a small present for her to unwrap each day (eg. a coloring book). This acted as a distraction, plus she had a visual clue of how much longer I would be away (ie once all the presents are gone, mummy was coming home.) Obviously not something you can do when there are lots of trips, but it apparently helped, given the length of time I was gone.

*who stays away from home for work (anything from one night to much longer periods away)?

both DH and I travel for work as we have global responsiblities in our respective jobs. usually once a month and for no more than 1-3 nights each time but when kids were younger and i was breastfeeding, i actually took them with me and arranged childcare at the hotels i stayed with. looking back, no idea how i coped with the air travel when i was supposed to be work-focused. i still do once a year trips where i need to be away for at least 10 days in a row but in that case, DH usually comes along with kids and we make it a family holiday

*how do you cover childcare when you're away?

we have a liveout nanny and our rule is that neither DH or i are allowed to be away for work at the same time. during this time, nanny will babysit extra hours so that DH will not be in to work late every day. we are lucky to have flexible line managers - after all, when we travel for work, we frequently put in long hours so it's all give and take

*what kind of deal do you need to strike with DH, family members etc

DH - survives on takeaways while i'm away! laundry etc gets done over the weekend and nnanny keeps track of daily stuff. we have no family members we can lean on and it's a massive issue at times trying to cope

*do you think it has any effect on your family (eg disruptive, absence makes heart grow fonder etc)

no. our kids are used to either of us disappearing and they get the same attention ffrom one parent while the other is away. all routines are the same and nanny being around helps greatly.

having said that, we may downsize from a nanny next year to childminders and i can foresee difficulties when travelling is involved as the flexibility you get with childminders are less than with nannies. still havent figured out what to do yet.(burying head in sand for now!!)

*who stays away from home for work (anything from one night to much longer periods away)? (I know you're out there travellers!)Currently away Mon - Fri as awaiting family to move down with me in my new job. Old job away for a week at a time overseas, normally once a month

*how young are your DCs? DD will be 5 in Sept, I have been away in the week in this job now for 6 weeks, in previous job for over 2 years.

*how do you cover childcare when you're away? DH is now a FT SAHD

*what kind of deal do you need to strike with DH, family members etc He gets a "new" Landrover off Ebay to restore every 12 months ( always under £1k) or so and I fully support his Landrover hobby

*do you think it has any effect on your family (eg disruptive, absence makes heart grow fonder etc) In last job - DD initially had separation anxiety and problems with her sleep pattern but she got used to it, now only problem is she expects a gift each time Mummy comes home (guilt presents!) She does miss me butis quite used to it. I am the one who suffers - guilty feelings and weekly commuting whilst pg with no2 - currently 21 weeks

Coo this is all interesting to read.

Thanks for your replies.

I am particularly loving:
*the one-a-day pile of little presents
*the Landrover off Ebay

Does anyone do longer stints away?

*who stays away from home for work?
I work FT and have about 3 overnights p.a. and a conference of say 2 or 3 overnights p.a.
DH also works FT (self-employed) and is away for about 2 or 3 weeks every quarter.

*how young are your DCs?
4 and 1

*how do you cover childcare when you're away?
Same as normal - combination of nursery or grandmother then au pair until a parent gets home. We are also v lucky to have supportive uncles, aunts and grandmother on hand in an emergency.

*what kind of deal do you need to strike with DH, family members etc
Family is not called upon unless it's an emergency which is why au pair is here to help with non-emergency yet practically tricky issues like unreliable trains on my commute. I know other families in similar position at our nursery who only use a nursery but we find the au pair arrangement gives worthwhile peace of mind.

No special deal between me and DH, we work as required and keep each other informed but the main thing is outsourcing non-child housekeeping as much as possible e.g. cleaner, online grocery shopping, dry-cleaner that delivers to our house, gardener, and au pair helps with deliveries and odd jobs too.

*do you think it has any effect on your family (eg disruptive, absence makes heart grow fonder etc)
None at all for me for the occasional overnights, a bit more DC night waking when I am away for longer. DC have not changed behaviour much when DH has been away so far but both DC are young and rely on me more for continuity at home as I've been around more with 2 x 1 year mat leaves and it tends to work out that after a trip away DH might be at home for a week or so anyway so they quickly rebond. I think when the DC are older they will miss DH more esp. when he is away over a weekend.

Personally I find it easier practically and emotionally when DH is away properly than when he has a period of working really long days as then I can get into the mindset of him not being around. When he works long days I miss him to talk to and I have to pick up the extra laundry and so on.

i travel away about once a month and do overnights. My husband in charge when I am gone, we have two children 5 and 2. I did the travelling from early months so it is all the norm. It takes significant planning to go for even one night- meals, laundry, shopping, school bags and after club preparaton, packed lunches etc I do as much as I can to mimimise impact on husband.
I am online tonight looking for au pair as think this is best long term solution.
the impact on family...well we like having fun together but i like to think it makes my kids more independent. The realitry is they cling more as they know when I go out I might not be back for a while

my husband works full time, we have no family within one hour plus drive and certainly no one at easy call. we have good friend network for emergency. we both have stressful busy jobs and sometimes have to manage conflicts. My travel plans usually avilable months in advance.
this year, I have had 2 trips to states, one business one pleasure so an additional long duration and also a few times had consecutive away days.
thinking an au pair is the best way to go to help us

who stays away from home for work (anything from one night to much longer periods away)?

Mainly DH, usually Europe but has been Middle East / further, can be 3/4 times a month & can stay away for up to 2 months at a time but usually shorter.

Sometimes me - UK only, most a week at a time.

*how young are your DCs?

DC now at uni but throughout childhood.

*how do you cover childcare when you're away?

When DH away life as normal, I did all the pick up / drop offs to nursery and school. When me away, moans and fuss!

*what kind of deal do you need to strike with DH, family members etc

None - it's part of the job but Chanel make-up / perfume does not go unappreciated, not the odd add on of a family holiday at the end of a posting.

*do you think it has any effect on your family (eg disruptive, absence makes heart grow fonder etc)
Used to be harder to stay in touch in pre mobile days. Also, if he is away at important times I just make decisions (schools / unis etc)
DS & I can eat Pizza on the sofa and slob about!