am I being a complete wuss?

[willowstar]

I am due to go back to work in 6 weeks when my daughter just turns 11 months old.

We live in a small town and she is booked into the only nursery open the hours we need. I had two settling in session with her and it just didn't feel right somehow. I commute by train and foot to work. I considered taking her to the on-site creche but that would mean driving (I think) which would take a minimum of 90 minutes each way and thought that was a bit unfair.

So I just don't know what on earth to do. If we got a nanny (its only 2 to 2.5 days a week) I would be working pretty much for nothing.

I think the bottom line is that I am softie...still breastfeed, we co-sleep, I wear her in the sling sometimes still, you get the picture. I just don't know how she would get on in nursery and I just don't know what to do.

My options are to take her to work and put her through the commute or to get a nanny and work just to pay her. If she was at work at least i could go over at lunch and feed her and we would have the time of the journey together. Oh I just don't know!!!!

should I just pull mys

can you put your dd in for a few more sessions before you start? it would give you a better feel. I don't think you are being a wuss at all, sometimes its hard to decide what are natural instincts and what are natural nerves.

thanks, yes we have booked her in for a the month ahead so that i could get us both used to it slowly. I just didn't really like the place when I spent two afternoons there.

I wonder if it is possible to commute by train with a baby? the trains are jam packed so I can't imagine I would be too popular but if I could it might be an option to take her to work with me and go the nursery there.

It is the first thing I am doing against my instincts since i had her, it is tough!

Depending on the nature of your job and your financial situation I'd be extremely tempted to get a nanny until she's 18 months, or even two years, and look on it as an investment in my career. Is there any possibility of finding a nannyshare? But that still gives you the long commute problem - you'll be paying foe the nanny for all your commuting hours as well as your work hours.

But bear in mind that six weeks is not a long time to find a nanny (though September is a good time to hire of couse, as a lot will be moving jobs then).

Don't underestimate the amount of days she'll have off sick if she goes to nursery - which means you having to take time off at zero notice.

And lastly, is there any possibility that you could work from home some days?

thanks DilysPrice...I am only going back 2.5 days a week. If we got a nanny after my travel costs are taken out I would have £300 a month left over! My OH is working silly hours to try and support us now but his is a small business that is always on the edge so scared to rely completely on him. but yes , we may try to get a nanny and try to cope for two years. I spoke to an agency this morning and they said they think it possible I could get someone if I get on with it.

the only reason I am going back to work is because it would be very difficult for me to get back into my field if I take time out. i am in acadaemia so it certainly isn't for the money :-)

A childminder? Not as expensive as a nanny, as not paying tax, NI etc, but a different environment - I had a similar feeling to you when DS1 was supposed to start at nursery, and a childminder provided the home environment I wanted. It made all the difference.