Tell me your experiences of leaving you LO's at home

[yellowbutterfly]

Apologies if this has been covered before, first time in this forum.

I'm going back to work in 2 weeks. DP is taking a year off work to look after DD who will be 9 months old. What should I expect from her?

We have not been apart for more than a few hours at most since her birth. I'll be working all hours and maybe up to 70 or 80 hours a weeks. In your experiences is she really going to freak out or will she be ok? She loves her Dad and they get on great. What are your experiences of leaving your LO's to go back to work. Trying to mentally prepare myself and warn DP if needed.

TIA

I did similar with DC1 and am about to go back to work after mat leave with DC2.

She will be fine, the first few weeks or months you might find you get a lot more night waking though.

You, on the other hand, IME will miss her like crazy and be jealous of DP.

It will all work out, the hardest bit is finding time as a couple for you and DP. Also, be careful to be supportive of DP and not gasp at the state of the house or whatever when you get home from work.

Good luck!

Thanks, its just we've never been apart so don't want her to freak.

ALso kind of worried he will try to be Super- Dad and try to do all housework, etc etc and look after her, subsequently burning himself out. Suppose he will learn.

I'd be more concerned that you'll burn yourself out yellowbutterfly, working those hours! I went back to work after my Ds was born, he was 17 weeks and I was only getting 4 hours sleep a night. It lead to me being very ill (which continues even now 11 years on) and I do feel I haven't been the best Mum as I have no energy. I am a single Mum though with little support, so you might be better off in that sense...70 or 80 hour weeks though? Please look after yourself.

If you are worried she will freak, take time to settle her as you would with a nursery or childminder.

Your DP should take time to find out how he wants to do things and you should bear in mind when supporting him that you were at home with a little baby, he will be at home with a toddler.

And get a cleaner!

Only crazy hours for 6 months, then more normal. I have that concern too, think he will basically be a single parent for 6 months. Don't know how you guys do it.

I appreciate that you would like a parent with your daughter but are you certain about your DP being a SAHD rather than working at least part-time and collecting her from a nursery or childminder? Or DP going fulltime and using a nanny? I really don't think that your daughter will mind that much, but will DP's career be easy to recover?

My DH is freelance and has had several stints of several months of being a SAHD (and is likely to again) but we always continued nursery 2 days a week or my DH would have found it very isolating, he needed that time to do things like go to the gym and keep up his professional network with coffees and lunches. That way also meant that DS kept up his familiarity with the nursery.

What a fabulous thing for your DP to do! Your DD is a very lucky little girl!

Just make sure your (wonderful) DP schedules in regular outside activities for himself and the baby so they don't both get cabin fever (and your DP doesn't get burnout) - toddler groups, library story time, walks in the park etc.

Settling in period would be great but I think your baby will be fine - may be more difficult for you (tiredness and missing DP and baby) and your DP (tiredness and missing you). But you'll all adapt!

Good luck and enjoy!

I'm trying to work out why some posters think the OP's Dh will get burn out from being a SAHD? no one ever thinks a SAHM might get burn out.
My friends exh didn't when he was a SAHD after redundancy.

Odd! very odd.

I totally think a SAHM might get burnt out! Depends on your situation, have you seen the thread here about people feeling isolated on maternity leave?

It also depends on your personality, if you go from a full-on job to SAHM you might well feel you have to be perfect and rush around trying to get the house beautiful before the WOH partner came home.

I agree solo. DP/Hs seem to get all the praise, just for remembering to bring the children back from the park (it seems).
Maybe it's because men mono task more and multitasking and looking after a baby are more difficult for men???

He can learn how to organise himself OP - don't go worrying about him!! Let him at it- entertainment, park, library readings, menu planning, shopping and cleaning if you don't have a cleaner (might be a plan to get one).

Share the care / chores on one weekend day a week to give your DP a break and to connect with your DD.

80 hours a week.... that's a lot girl.
Have you got a sleep routine?

Will your DP get up, and let you sleep like a SAHMs does?? If not you may need to re think the whole thing, as you cannot do 80 hours a week on less than 7 hours a night without getting ill. So get some ear plugs, and do not do his job for him if he can't do yours.

Good luck with it.

If the question was the other way around (you at home, DP working)would have it even crossed your mind to ask about it?

also - settling in period? Fucking hell.. presumably your baby already knows your DD??? Settling in period my arse!!

Your DP would be fine.. like I said, imagine the question the other way around, then think how insulting it would be from her Dad's point of view

70 or 80 hours a week???????? Are you mental???

I'm going to say the unsayable, but she's really going to miss you and you are going to miss out on the majority of her life if you are working 14 and 15 hour days. You won't be seeing her except at weekends.

And I would say the same to a man.

Life it too short, babyhood is too short.

[summons xenia]

Christ, how many children do you have to immolate to do that?