Hi ksld,
I couldn't leave this unanswered as honestly I could have written this post myself. In fact, as I was reading it thought that if my DH had read it, he would have assumed it had been written about him!
Firstly, my huge sympathies and support. It is so so hard to see someone you love and admire being a) treated badly and b) starting to doubt himself because of it.
In our situation, DH had the job yours has now, he thought it would be his 10 year plan, but from almost the beginning it became apparent that he had been dealt a marked card and it was a very critical, toxic environment. He used to feel sick every morning facing the prospect of work, and it become the dominant factor in our life, completely overriding the birth of our first child. He honestly looked grey most of the time. He was convinced they wanted to get rid of him, I kept saying he was being paranoid, but it turned out he was right.
They made him redundant in Jan (which was an excuse, they just didn't have grounds to fire him). And to top it off, they did it the day before my father's funeral, which they knew about. Bastards, honestly. He has then been through four months of no work, but recently has gotten a short term contract for a good company, but the role is very junior and salary far below that of what he was previously earning. In the meantime, he has been interviewing for roles, but EXACTLY the same thing has happened - he is on the final short list, and then they rethink the position entirely.
Sorry to give so much detail, but I wanted to tell you how well I understand!
It is so difficult to support him in this time, and to be honest I think in general a man's sense of self esteem is so much more tied up with their work than a women's. (I also work). The best advice I can give you is to encourage him to try and view this all as long term as possible.
He will prob have another 20 years or so of working life ahead of him, and this very demoralising period will in the end be a small part of it. He also needs to try (so difficult I know) to focus on the fact that HE is not the problem, they are. The other thing we must remember, which is true for anything in life, is that the only constant is change - by which I mean that as awful as tthe situation you are currently in is, it is temporary. It may take a year or two to resolve, but you will not be stuck with thus for 20 years. Try and just emphasise to him how well it reflects that he is doing so well in interviews, even if it doesn't work out in the end. No doubt 100's applied for the same positions as your DH, and the fact that he has gotten so far is indicative of how skilled, experienced and likable he is. Eventually one of these will materialise. These are very tough times, so the fact that he has applied for lots of positions and not heard back is normal.
If they are going to get rid of him, the best approach IMHO is to be matter of fact about it, "right, thank goodness you won't have to deal with those awful people anymore, but lets talk about what we can do tin preparation." This is where you can really help.
Check out his employment contract thoroughly so that he is able to negotiate the best possible package (if this is an option). Get him to start looking at other jobs besides one's that he's really interested in - I know this is hard, but half a salary is better than no salary, and he must remember that this situation is TEMPORARY.
Also take a close look at your finances and budgets and look for any way to cut costs and implement these, no matter how brutal (no sky TV, reducing meat in meals etc) immediately. You will both feel so much better to be doing something.
Also start looking for ways to make extra cash. There is a very good thread going on at the moment about being "secretly poor" with lots of suggestions, taking in a foreign student, taking in ironing, growing your own veggies, restructuring your debt etc etc. In our case, we rented out our lovely 3 bedroom house and have move into a one bed flat, with dd in the bedroom and have turned the lounge into a bedroom. It seemed an impossible idea at first, but once I realised how much cash it would generate I felt strangely empowered.
You have to go into battle mode, both of you. Being at home will give you the flexibility to do all kinds of things - selling avon for example?
I hope it doesn't sound horrific, but a mindset change is what is saving us. We are not out of the woods, but at least we have mitigated against the financial carnage and have a plan in place.
And finally, I know just what you mean about not burdening him further with your anxiety. But YOU have to talk to someone, you can't bottle this up. Is there anyone in RL you can confide in? And don't underestimate what you can do as SAHM to contribute to your finances.
please do check that other thread for money saving ideas. The worst part of all of this is feeling helpless, if you can both take control of the situation, no matter how hideous it is, you will start to feel better aout it.
Apologies for such a long post, but obviously I wanted to answer you properly.