Miserable

[TiredBoo]

Please can someone help me with a little perspective on my current work situ?
I have a DS aged 15 months. When am the primary breadwinner in our family and I hold quite a senior position in the tertiary sector. There aren't very many girls doing my job (actually, I'm the only one I know) due to anti-social hours, male dominant industry. When I announced my pregnancy my in-direct corporate boss indicated that I would not be able to hold down my job as a result of the baby, suggested I ask for a demotion and to work 4 days a week. Neither are or were even slightly interesting, I'm a career girl and my DH does the stay at home stuff. I let that slide but made a file note with our HR team who were aghast.
Upon returning to work, my bosses told me there had been some changes - not to worry though, I should work alongside some new recruits (male, who earn more than me) since our business is growing and changing. Shortly afterwards by direct boss said "Hey, some people think you can't do this job but I think you can, just wanted you to know".
Now, today, same direct boss said "you are working really hard, and I don't think you can cope with the role as it is now (the business has grown and changed).....and you are a Mum, so maybe you should think about looking for a new job" and "I will deny having said this to you". All said very nicely and with good intent. I am really worried since I do earn all of the household income, plus (wail) I wanted a career and baby.... and wonder what others think about this? Sniff sniff, feeling sorry for myself

It's a bugger isn't it. There are all those lovely laws protecting us and then you get an arsehole like your boss who thinks it's 1930. I strongly suggest that you report each conversation in detail to your HR department and insist that it is written down. Ask them how to deal with it. Ask them if you should go to your boss's boss and get the problem resolved that way? Do you belong to a union?

Unfortunately, you are in an impossible position if your boss has never written anything down and there were no witnesses. Are there any ways to judge your performance, like sales figures etc. Can you prove you are as effective as the other staff?

If your house insurance is up for renewal, make sure you tick the family legal cover box as it sounds like you may be needing it. Your boss may just be trying to pressure you into leaving and not have the authority to carry it through, so each time he says anything, just say you are putting in the same hours and delivering as good results as your colleagues and your being a mother is not relevant.

Unfortunately, it doesn't always work so if you do see a job advertised that suits you I strongly suggest you go for it, just to protect yourself.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I got booted out, the morning I returned from maternity leave. Unfortunately for my ex-employer, I had more documentary evidence than he realised and although it took 11 months of incredibly expensive legal action, they did finally begrudgingly settle.

Another thought. Send details of the boss conversations by email to HR, after you have explained them face to face first. This creates a legal record that your company can be forced to disclose in court. Always useful. And make sure there is nothing in your email system that your boss could use against you.

Good luck.

It is, indeed a bugger. Thanks for the advice and making me feel not bonkers, I just wanted to check that I wasn't being over sensitive. Going to see HR tomorrow, hopefully that will set things straight. Or not.

Use the sound recorder on your phone :D

I've always wanted to know if a sound recording is admissable at an employment tribunal. Any ideas anyone?

its up to the tribunal chair, in theory you need the consent of the person being recorded under various laws, data protection, something called reglation of investigatory powers (if its on a phone) etc. BUT in practice if the evidence is good, and relevant then it will almost always be admitted to evidence by the tribunal (although the other side will always object). However bear in mind that the quality of most recordings is usually awful.

Wanted to check if you were bonkers?!!?!?

They are being downright illegal/immoral etc.

Really feel for you.

If you are high profile (as you are the only snr woman in the sector by the sounds of it) could you not start putting feelers out for other opps? I am guessing it might feel a bit hopeless if very male etc, but you never know.

A competitor might love to snap you up.

Another thought, whilst you don't want to get involved in their illlegal activities, you could negociate with them? And for your agreement to move and not make a fuss you would require: support for you to find another role, so something like, time, assistance with their connections, time off for interviews etc. I'd definately check out the legal position first, but if that is all too complicated you could play them at their own game...

Good luck.

Thanks for your support. I have a proper grown up solicitor and will present my grievance letter today. It's 5 pages long! Let's see what happens next...