not sure if this is really a feminism thing but here goes.
i have always been labelled as 'headstrong' or 'strongwilled'. it was always my mum who said it, agreed by my dad and now my OH seems to find it, aswell as 'stubborn' the most fitting descriptions of my personality. my mum interestingly has always incouraged independance, and assertiveness. always encouraged us to say our piece and not to allow others to walk over us, yet i feel when she uses these words to describe me, she is infact criticising me. infact i know she is because most recently i have only heard her use them when talking to OH about how i expect him to do his fair share in the house, they have a little joke about it and my mum sympathises with him and tells my dad (who does nothing in the house despite both of them working full time) that he doesn't know how lucky he is, he could have ended up with a woman like me!!
in the past i have let it go, and i have checked my own behaviour and reasoning to see if it is me that has the problem and i really dont think it is. i think my mother is a martyr to her family. i think OH's mother is a martyr to her family and i think teh expectation is that i too will be a martyr to mine. but i simply will not. i see absoloutely no reason why a grown man should be cared for like a child, having his meals cooked, his washing done and his house cleaned for him just because he chooses to live with a woman. i am getting increasingly frustrated with both OH and my parents whenever the topic is brought up and OH makes out how tough he gets it. i just dont know how to vocalise my feelings to let them see how they are being.