Do you have to be a ball-breaker to make it in your industry?

[domesticslattern]

In my job I meet a lot of women who are senior in their careers eg. heading up multi-million pound organisations, editing national media, MPs, that sort of thing. I was reflecting recently that almost without exception, they seem to be ruthlessly aggressive, especially to more junior women.

This includes, typically, interrupting other women in meetings (but not men), throwing their weight around, being snappy, highly critical etc. - far more so than their male peers.

I'm looking out for a mentor in my industry, but almost all of the women I know who have clawed their way to the top aren't the kind of women I want to emulate. And they certainly don't seem to want to help other, more junior, women to shine: in fact, often quite the opposite.

This is a genuine question, not a "she-was-nasty-to-poor-lil-me" whinge. Is it possible to get to the top of the tree, if you are a nice, polite, supportive woman? Or do you have to be nasty, and if so, do you practise on other women because that's easiest?

In mine, you can, but you need to be pretty dedicated in terms of time invested and commitment without huge financial reward. Also international so you need to be clever and lucky when planning and managing the overseas parts.

The question to ask is what to men do to get to the top? Are they nice to everyone on the way up. Of course not! I personally have been treated much more unfairly in the past by the female bosses I have had as opposed to the male ones. I am not entirely sure why that is!

I remember one female boss who mentored me very well initially. She was planning on leaving and very much saw me as her successor. All well and good, til she changed her mind, decided she was staying and turned into mega-bitch overnight. All my progress and new responsibilities were obliterated. Suddenly I had to cc her in on everything i did. I got a new job.

In mine, I would say the women that get to the top are generally very assertive and driven. Most of them would be supportive to other women though, in my experience.

Some of the characteristics you describe may be shown equally by men but are badged differently - eg my DH's boss is 'highly critical' but probably would describe himself has having a 'good attention for detail' .

Do you need a female mentor? A male could be equally as effective if the personality is a good fit.

Some interesting experiences here.

I do think that the women seem to feel like they have to be more aggressive and driven than the men. Just to stand out. I don't think I am judging them by different criteria, preggers, honest. Is it that they have had to be super hard, in order to get ahead?

It makes me a bit sad, to be honest.