Does being a woman make the world feel unbearably heavy sometimes?

[ShutupLwren]

To find being a woman impacts your mental health in ways nobody realises.

This may be the wrong place to post, if so I apologise.

So I’m just going about my dickheady little life, looking at some nice picture frames and then the guilt crushes me that as I’m able to take joy from my silly little things, that there are women who are probably living on my lovely road who are being beaten by their husbands. Or I’m feeding my daughter and feel this crushing sense sadness babies her age will have been raped. Some will have been beaten.
I read about the rapes used not even just in wars but literally in Scotland not long ago the horrific “beastie house” story was released. We have locally to me stories coming out of women selling their children to peadophiles.
It’s not just the sadness for women in the war torn countries or underdeveloped world, even in our country women aren’t safe. A little girl was murdered by her brother a few years ago, her name was amber, a sick freak who found her dead body raped her.
I can’t simply not look, not try to see what’s happening in the world. I am a DV/SA child survivor 💪 and I do what I can to help women. My poor DP has to live knowing if I see a woman with a black eye I am getting involved and I will be going toe to toe with any big old fucker if I can get someone help, I do. I’ve gotten 4 women away from DV through direct help. And not 1 of those 4 went back.
I just see how women are treated and I think, firstly we need to bring poison back. Secondly, how do we help? I give clothes to dv and kids charities. The only thing I can’t do is retrain and a counsellor to discuss DV with other women, I’m far too traumatised. I’d rather fight your husband than listen to what he’s done if I’m honest.
I’m not saying I don’t take joy in things, I love my partner, my children are my biggest source of pure happiness, even if they’re all bloody crackers, but I find myself planting my garden or baking some scones and I’m just so aware that I am more privileged than most women. I’m not wealthy or even particularly comfortable, I’ve got my own shit of course but I’m safe as I can be as woman.
Sorry if this post has depressed the life out of you, I’m just wondering if anyone else feels like this?

I think I'd step away from reading horrible news and focus on your and DC's wellbeing. You can continue donating but leave getting involved to the professionals. It's worth remembering that sometimes women take responsibility for their choices, children are absolutely absolved but the mothers who allow it, the women who choose to return, they need accountability too. It's not full on victimhood.

To me, that sounds more like being highly sensitive and traumatised than a woman.
I wonder if it would be better for your mental health to avoid news stories that trigger you? Because you can't change all the bad things that happen, but plenty of good things happen too.
Maybe you could focus your attention on raising money for one cause eg Women's Aid, and then know you are making a positive change in the world. But make a commitment to yourself to avoid seeking out all the terrible stories as that will just feed your trauma.
Just some thoughts, ignore if not helpful.

I think that often news and social media general can get too much inside your head. It's really not healthy to get so worked up about things outside your control. How will you be able to help yourself, your family, and others if you don't take care of yourself? Awful things happen in the world and most of these things are not women's fault. It is not your responsibility (or mine) to fix everything because we are women. As others have said, I recommend you take a break from the news and social media.

I feel much the same but its not sex specific because both sexes experience abuse globally. What helps me is by drawing attention to & contributing in any way I can to causes close to me even if its as small as any gifts for birthdays, mothers day or Christmas are directed to the children of Gaza. Its also important to support political parties that will genuinely address injustice.

But I did hear a great quote today Mother Teresa as asked:

"What can you do to promote world peace?

Go home and love your family.

I feel those things but to preserve mental health bat them away and concentrate on my family. It’s the only way to get through the life, especially when you have young dc.

Absolutely love that quote!

I have been trafficked, abused horribly and hurt for years and years- please, please enjoy your life! Enjoy the little things. Please find joy and peace and love in all the beauty.
I do. It's what keeps me alive.

The littlest piece of happiness weighs more than all the horror. Your happiness and mine and everyone else's. And it sounds as if you do what you can to help people, which is all you can do.
I'm not phrasing it very well! But I hope you get the gist.

Yeah, it makes all the difference rearing functional humans.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for sharing that and I will definitely take the advice of others and try to keep away from the news and things for a while. I hate feeling wilfully ignorant but it seems reading the comments I may have to for a while.

I feel physically sick when I read about further misery being reaped upon the women of Afghanistan and other horrors closer to home.

But maybe it would help you to think afterwards as I do that for every horrible thing happening there are millions of good unremarkable everyday things happening- mums loving and hugging their kids, dads and their kids howling with laughter, grandparents going teary eyed over new babies and their grandkids achievements, kind neighbours and passerbys helping the old and infirm …. Millions of acts of selfless devotion.

I sound unbearably schmaltzy when I read the above back - sorry. But the horrors in the world do tend to drive you to the spiritual. So I will compound my offence by saying as a friend once said to me ‘ if you look for the light, you’ll find it ‘ - the reverse is also true.

I once read a book - one of Susan Howatch’s I think - where she describes a man - a minister of religion- who was seeking spiritual counselling post war after he had lost his faith because of the horrors that he had witnessed as a prisoner in a Japanese POW camp. He said that he couldn’t find God in the camp - as God was absent, he had ceased to believe in him. The priest counselling him listened and listened before saying - but God wasn’t absent because you were present delivering comfort in his name.

Hi OP

I dont think what you have said is that unusual in terms of being somewhere or doing something and having this thought somewhere in the world some despicable act is harming women and children.

And whilst I think you are very brave to stand up for women as an individual, maybe it would help you could be part of group of women working against male violence.

I think maybe not everyone is aware that many women's refuges rely on local support. Not just in ways they ask, eg raising money to take children living in refuges to the sea for a day, but also standing up to local councils who think cutting funding to women's refuges (and rape crisis services) can get through committee meetings because single sex services are more expensive. (This isn't anything to do with trans ideology but well entrenched MRA ideology.)

Similarly on a global scale you could find a group (not necessarily on the famous names) that is supporting women in other countries.

But as others have said, give your self a break. Each act of kindness and support you make each day is important. And you should appreciate what you have done.

And given your own past experiences of abuse is there any ongoing support that you are getting? Just so that you can have some time not thinking about I must do something for others, but to do something for yourself.

And as others have suggested, maybe ration how much time you spend listening to the news, because sadly male violence against women is still an everyday occurance.

Because despite what a PP up thread said, it is well known that whether is areas of war or natural disaster women and children pay the highest price.

So maybe care for yourself as much as for others.

Given the reality of Mother Teresa's work practices and her defence of a male cleric who abused children, not sure I would want to use her as a source of advice.

Tbh yeah it does make me feel utterly miserable sometimes. I try to just inject a bit if kindness inti my interactions with other women and I try to also remember to be grateful for my own happy safe family.

But yeah the sheer brutality against women across the world gets to me a lot.