A generation of young women schooled in "be kind" rather than "stay safe"

[MrsOvertonsWindow]

Here's an excellent article that exposes how the younger generations of women have been presented with a version of feminism via "education, social media, and popular culture that's been reframed around the language of inclusion, allyship, and the rejection of exclusionary boundaries".

It's a detailed exploration, far too long to summarise, but looks at why so many young women have been caught up caught up in "allyship at all costs", to the detriment of their own safety. As an older feminist, it seems really helpful in proposing that we mustn't dismiss young women's views. Their social learning took place in an environment where their genuine compassion and care for the young who got caught up in thinking they could change sex was understandably their priority. They have a genuine compassion for these unwell young people and a desire to be supportive and helpful. These positive aspects were reinforced and anyone who posed questions, raised dissent or concerns was excluded and often punished. They were never allowed to explore the issues that are essential for an in depth understanding of the complexities and risks to safety.

"Young women's support for transgender identity claims, including claims that undermine sex based rights, is not irrational. It is the predictable product of social learning in an institutional environment that has framed affirmation as compassion and boundary setting as bigotry, transmitted through online cultures that punish dissent, to a demographic with high empathic responsiveness and incomplete access to the history of why sex based protections were established".

It deserves a wide readership.

https://x.com/prof_curiosity1/status/2058056297593864606

Archive link: https://archive.ph/tFywd

Yes! I was working on an LGB DV Helpline, we were told not to support a woman who phoned to talk about the abuse, emotional and financial, being meted out to her by her "transing" ex husband. And so began my utter disillusion with the whole LGB project, which was starting to throw women under the"trans"bus.

That's appalling.

#Bekind isn’t exclusive to Caroline Flack’s tragic situation though.

Whether you like it or not it became widely utilised by the trans activists to demand that young women ignore their boundaries and requirements and centre men. Used in conjunction with concepts like the ‘cotton ceiling’ for example.

More recently it has become very widely used as shorthand to sum up the demands made by the trans activists and the damage they have done to society and young women in particular.

I have no idea why you have fixed on this as an issue with which to berate OP instead of actually commenting on the issue highlighted.

Am i the only person who has noticed Sadiq Khan's current campaign on TFL about intervening when someone is being harassed - the poster I've seen the most features a woman intervening when one man is being abusive towards another man! As if women haven't got enough to do trying to keep themselves safe on public transport, but no, Mr Sadiq Khan thinks women should try to shield men from male aggression - really? Always just support animals apparently. Never mind how unsafe women are constantly shown to be on London transport every damned day. I have a friend whose working hours were actually changed by her employers to a later start so that she could avoid the constant groping from men in the Underground in the rush hour. But no, plainly men being harassed is the real problem.

Well anything that suggests the onus lies with women to stop themselves being raped by policing their own behaviour isn't going to be well recieved by feminists, is it?
You're conflating two different things. Women refucing their own safety for the benefit of men (the subject of the thread) and women being attacked in the course of exercising their right to live their lives as they choose, including having the freedom to drink alcohol and engage in ONS if they want to.
Feminism had worked hard to push back on the notion that women survivors of MVAWG are guilty of contributory negligence. Because its a slippery slope. The bottom of which lies the idea that men don't hurt good, chaste, responsible women, and the ones they do brought it on themselves. And if that doesn't serve the patriarchy, I'm not sure what does.

Women should be able to get blackout drunk and still trust men not to rape them when they are unconscious. Alcohol isn’t the issue here, it’s men’s sense of entitlement and abusive behaviour.

Watching teenage girls learning to navigate public transport in London has been a depressing experience. So many creeps and grim predatory behaviour. Khan has done little to address that.

Going back to that thread - I presumed the posters pontificating that she was being unkind by dismissing a strange man wanting to look at her handbag on an underground station are not Londoners. London travellers are well versed in the distraction techniques used to snatch phones, laptops, handbags from people. The idea a woman should present her handbag to a stranger to examine is worryingly naive.

I thought it was more a "its not what you do it's the way that you do it" there was probably only a couple who would have said she should hand over her bag so he could inspect it properly but for most it was that she wasn't 'nice' enough in her refusal and she should have been kinder to him.

TBF I don't think be kind just is a problem for women. There's also a generation of men who are oblivious to how being nice and polite is problematic. It's about not wanting to rock the boat or appear difficult - this goes through working culture generally and isn't restricted to women being kind. It's either for men to break this rule but I can name multiple scenarios where this has applied to DH. It's a form of social control which is stiffling public life generally - it's why we have so many issues with whistleblowing across the board.

What's your theory then to explain why trans allieship (sp?) Is more prevalent amongst younger women? What reason might young women in particular have to want to open up feminism and womens spaces to male people, that isn't based in wanting to benefit the male people (kindness?) Because there doesn't appear to be any benefit to women of this, unless I've missed it?
And without making ageist statements of your own that frame older women as out of date, conservative, ignorant of new information, how do you explain the generational divide amongst women on this issue, if you believe there is one, if its not down to different messaging recieved?

See challenging the dreadful narratives around Gaza/Israel.

You can not have a nuanced and complex conversation without being screamed at for not having the correct approved 'nice' values.

I’m often frustrated and baffled by my 21 yo daughter. Any attempts to nudge her into advocating for herself are met with “will it be rude” and she will quite literally bend herself in all kinds of directions trying to do anything other than comply.
Be Kind indeed 🤔👀

What's your theory then to explain why trans allieship (sp?) Is more prevalent amongst younger women?

Because younger women are more likely to be childless & also have had fewer years experience of poor male behaviour.

In the Andrew Miller / Amy George (TIM convicted of kidnapping and sexual assault of a child) case the Judge says the following:

"The mode of abduction itself is also in my view a significantly aggravating feature, if any were needed in such a case, and here to speak plainly I am referring to your female presentation as you invited your victim into your car. One only has to ask oneself the simple question: would an 11 year old girl have willingly entered your car had you presented as a man? The answer is that obviously she would not. Your intentions were wicked and predatory, and clearly involved a substantial component of planning"

My understanding is that Andrew/Amy was well known as a TIM in the community. We cannot know in this case but I do wonder if the desire to 'be kind' and not 'bigoted' could in fact act to prevent young girls from treating TIMs in the same way, with the same caution, they'd treat other men. Unfortunately any attempt to discuss this is considered 'not kind' too. But it's definitely not kind to children to avoid discussing this obvious safeguarding risk either. If you've been schooled into thinking it's a 'hate crime' to use the normal english, correct sex pronouns, surely that's being conditioned to just do whatever this special class of men ask of you?

I think women AND men need to understand that putting themselves into dangerous situations is at best risky, at worst disastrous.

My cousin was murdered because he was in an open air sex hookup location and a homophobic gang bashed him to death. One of our aunts had warned him.

The primary blame was with the violent thugs, but maybe if he hadn't given them a target? Who knows.

Another cousin's son died because he went 'bridge jumping'. Evidently the bridge concerned had warning signs because a number of other young visitors had done the same thing.

Teenagers of both sexes need to be advised about personal responsibility.

The same reason why people are less likely to be racist, sexist, agist etc: Exposure. Being more exposed to minorities correlates to more acceptance.

Younger women grew up with normalised discussions surrounding sexual orientation, gender fluidity, and non-binary identities because they are more exposed to them as a result of increased societal acceptance . They are more likely to have trans friends or colleagues as opposed to many older women who were raised in more strictly binary and traditional gender paradigms. Studies indicate that getting to know someone who is trans is the strongest predictor of support. Young women are statistically much more likely to have a transgender friend, acquaintance, or family member, grounding their support in personal relationships rather than abstract political debates.

Another reason is differing feminist Ideologies like Intersectionality. Modern intersectional feminism (heavily embraced by younger women) often views the fight for women’s rights and trans rights as deeply intertwined & overlapping. They argue that both movements challenge the patriarchy, bodily autonomy limits, and restrictive gender roles.

And yet it never stops your rampant ageism does it Emily?

older women who were raised in more strictly binary and traditional gender paradigms

That is so totally not how I remember the 1970s.

Alternatively, older women have seen more stuff and are less inclined to go along with bollocks.

Patriarchy: women need to be in the kitchen
Feminists: women can do more than just have babies and cook
Trans activism: the man in the rubber gloves is now a woman and you have to ignore his excitement at this and #BeKind to him

What are they teaching kids about history these days?

Bowie? Annie Lennox? Grace Jones? An entire Lego ad campaign based on the idea that girls could and should do anything they wanted to? None of these things happened?

It’s like the youth of today think that their parents were actual Victorians.

Just re the title - I don't think the binary is 'be kind' vs 'stay safe'. In fact, these are often two cheeks of the same Arse of the Patriarchy.

The binary is 'be kind' vs 'assert your boundaries, whatever they are', or 'be kind' vs 'women's rights are human rights, and inviolable', or something similar.

Me neither. Don’t think Emily really knows this and thinks middle aged women grew up in the 1950s.

Yes, just like this.

If what you get out of it is "men don't hurt good chaste women" you are reading something that isn't there and isn't implied. So very much a you issue.

Quite. It's not as if it's difficult to find out and be credible when talking about recent history.

I think women who grew up in the 70s had MUCH LESS rigid and binary gender expectations.

For a start, lots of women had short hair without everyone thinking that meant they wanted to be boys/men. These days it's very rare to see a girl with short hair, they're very much the exception in both my children's schools, it was probably 50% above the shoulder to varying degrees (including very short) 50% below in my day.