17-year-old Autistic son has started taking hormones without our knowledge or consent

[VeryWorriedMother]

Ok, so this isn't really a feminist topic but I need some help. This will be long, sorry.

My 17-year-old son was diagnosed with ASD last year. He is also gifted, and has struggled with fitting in and making friends. He has very black and white thinking, and thinks that his way is the only right way. He has struggled for many years with his executive functioning and emotional intelligence - he has difficulty planning and completing tasks, and regularly loses his temper. It has been the focus of our lives for a long time. After a very long struggle we finally convinced him to agree to therapy, in the hopes that it would help with his ups and downs, and in figuring out what his autism diagnosis means for him.

He has been on antidepressants for a couple of years, and increased the dose last year. A few weeks ago he asked for an appointment with our GP for another dose increase. DH took him to the appointment but stayed in the waiting room to allow him to speak with the doctor privately. DS went back for a follow up two days ago, and that night I received a notification from my pharmacy saying that his prescriptions were ready: Cyproterone Acetate (a testosterone suppressant) and Estradiol. I was absolutely shocked.

This has come out of absolutely nowhere. He refuses to speak to us about it and, being in Canada, doctors are allowed to prescribe hormones to children if they feel that they fully understand it, without parental consent.

There is no way my son understands the long-term ramifications of this. He has Autism, ffs, and hyperfixation, and he can't even manage to plan a school project, never mind consider the fact that he will be growing irreversible breasts!

He has never, ever talked about wanting to be a girl. Yes, he feels uncomfortable in his body, but, again, he has autism and he's 17! What 17-year-old DOESN'T feel uncomfortable in their body?! I am worried that he is just jumping on the trans bandwagon here, just because he feels different due to his autism. There is a very worrying correlation between Autistic teens and gender dysphoria.

I am so, so angry that our doctor, whom I trusted, has allowed him to do this so quickly. No thinking time, nothing.

DS has heard me voice appreciation for JK Rowling fighting for women's rights, and is under the impression that we are transphobic, so he has completely shut down. I am prepared to support him, but I very strongly disagree with giving children hormones, and so quickly. I don't know what to do.

Thank you if you have read this far.

@TwoLoonsAndASprout https://www.pittparents.com/p/the-girl-in-the-tinkerbell-dress

Thank you! Yes, that’s the article. The thread I linked to has more discussion of it too.

I explained the relevant process in detail earlier in this thread.

Someone posted a lot of information about the process in Canada which varies across the country. Probably on this page of comments or the previous one.

oh my goodness @VeryWorriedMother I have just read your update about your son having collected the prescription. My heart breaks for you, I am so sorry you find yourself in this position. I hope you have managed to get some sleep since.

My son is a few years older and - probably by luck - has not (I think) gone down the drugs path. But the description about your son's personality is very much like mine, they sound like peas in a pod - you have my complete sympathy.

It's often said, but this is a marathon, not a sprint; take care of yourself and your partner. It's probably of limited use, but I posted a slightly random collection of suggestions on this thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5500326-concern-my-child-is-trans

I have one vaguely positive idea for you; can you plan a screen-limited or screen-free summer holiday? Something outdoors and physically challenging, like cycle touring or doing a big walking tour or working on a farm - something hard and out of your family comfort zone with limited screen options. Obviously it would be a terrible shame if anyone forgot to pack the drugs and you were too far away from pharmacies etc. You could throw yourself into planning it as a family - especially if you do some sort of tour, then you've got to plan hostels/hotels/campsites etc etc. Could give your family another focus, rather than spiralling.
Me and my family have always done somewhat niche holidays like this - it hasn't helped my son not fall down the trans rabbit hole, but it might give your son a way back up. I think these type of holidays probably did put my son off the trans stuff for a bit longer, and it's built a sort of physical resilience certainly in my other children; we've done hard stuff, we've solved problems, we've seen the world in a different light. Maia Poet (do look her up) talks about how living in a war zone helped her see the ridiculousness of the trans endeavour. I'm not suggesting that you go on holiday to a war zone, but that you could use a holiday to provide a different experience, a different way of living, away from all the trans rubbish. I expect the last thing you want to think about right now is a happy family summer holiday, but just thought I'd share this idea in case it might appeal.

All best wishes, this is so hard.

Don't know what it's like in Canada, but if it's anything like the UK pretty sure they can't discuss other patients conditions/issues with you because of confidentiality.
Also, if you're over 16, you don't need parent's permission or consent so they haven't done anything wrong there.

@VeryWorriedMother, I remembered this - it might be helpful:

https://stephaniewinn.substack.com/p/planting-seeds-not-winning-arguments

Could I also have the info you're digging out. I'm in a similar situation. Thankyou.

Are you in the UK?

Hi, yes I am. No hormones yet (17) but concerned about 'easy' access once 18.

@SilverBlue56 my son is 19, it's terrifying isn't it. Luckily I manage my son's complicated prescriptions for something else and I think that will keep him safe a bit longer - I'm the gatekeeper. Our GPs have always been hopeless, but I have emphasised how dreadful they are with anything administrative, in the hope that it puts my son off. The inertia is strong!
We have a close family friend who is a pharmacist, and she recently had a MASSIVE rant about people buying prescription drugs privately in a completely different medical area. I am definitely looking to engineer conversations about the dangers of (other, non-trans) black market drugs.

In case things get worse, I am saving this article: https://www.polarismarketresearch.com/industry-analysis/sex-reassignment-surgery-market
It's a precis of a completely ordinary market research report. But the banality of it is what makes it terrifying; I think that seeing that other people are making big bucks - and planning to make more! - on this surgery will be persuasive.

Thank you to everyone who has offered comfort and advice. I am absolutely exhausted, and struggling to deal with everything. I don't want to have to become an expert on this, but I fear that I will have to. I am going to take a step back from this thread now. Everything is just so overwhelming.

Bless you, really.