Hi ladies,
These posts make me really sad.
I have been working in anti-sexual violence for many years.
I've sought to listen as best I can to this thread and I don't suspect this comment will be read, let alone heard.
I support your right to protest and I'm appalled that women have left a space due to their discomfort. This isn't right and I hope you receive an outcome that helps you feel safe and relaxed.
When I was a member at this gym, the only incident I had was with a man in the gym main space. It was bizarre and unpleasant and the attending staff member ignored the behaviour. I didn't feel safe and nor did I feel able to report.
Due to the nature of my work, I have spent more time than most talking to experts in sexual violence and countless survivors, from every day sexism to severe, life altering trauma in childhood.
As my fellow survivors will know, whilst it is not impossible for a woman to commit abuse, the vast, vast majority is committed by men. Again - I am not saying its impossible for a trans woman to commit abuse - but trans women are far more likely to be victims of sexual abuse than perpetrators.
Whilst I understand the fear that abusive men could abuse the system and pretend to identify as a woman, trans women have largely been using 'female' changing rooms since 2010, with very few reported incidences.
I'm not suggesting we need to agree on everything. Just please consider what will happen next.
- If your child doesn't look feminine, how will they 'prove' their sex?
- Do you have any butch friends? How will this impact them?
- What about butch looking women you don't know?
I also don't think it's particularly useful, but outside of my work, I was surprised to learn that someone I had known for over a year was intersex. They didn't find out until they were a teen. It was a huge source of pain for them and continued to cause distress. I'm sharing this because I thought intersex people were much rarer than they are. A useful comparison is for every 3 redheads you've met, you've likely met 1 intersex person. It's not always as simple as testing hormones and I don't think any of us would advocate for genital inspections.
I sincerely apologise if I'm come off as judgemental, preachy or dismissive.
I respect your decisions and even though I don't agree with some of the things that have been said here, we don't have to force one another to totally agree on anything. However, when I read the posts and felt like I should probably stay silent, I felt that isn't what you're fighting for.
At the end of the day, whatever you believe, we all believe in the importance of safety, fairness, dignity and respect.
As you campaign, rightly, with a view to protect, please keep in mind that there are some people who will not be safe in the men's changing room. Saying that that's 'not my problem' isn't just unkind - we've had trans women in our spaces for over 15 years. Casting them aside without any consideration on the impact this may have says a lot about who we are.