PSA: It is ok to make people ashamed and regret doing what they shouldn't

[NextRinny]

Bravo to the redditors in this thread doing a good job to give this kid some sense of morality - he's wearing his mum's underwear and being called out on it (and you don't need to be a genius to figure out it's a lad):
Reddit - transgenderUK - what are you scared of

But one of the comments hit a nerve for me - the incorrectness of making people feel bad. Quote below and screenshot attached.

"Whether you think it's right or wrong, it's not cool to call people out on it and make any shame they may already feel worse. Shouldn't we be supporting each other on this?"

to whoever needs to hear this - it is OK for people to be ashamed of what they've done. Even deeply ashamed. Shame can lead to people turning their lives around for the better. It isn't always negative!

As a general principle, I do not believe in shaming people. But when people do something that shames or humiliates others, particularly when it is for their own pleasure, then yes, 100% yes, it is entirely appropriate to shame them.

Bring back public shaming!

Absolutely bring back shame. The liberal obsession with destigmatising everything makes it clearer by the day why taboo exists in cultures. It is for good reason.

I think it’s more complicated than that. Shame and guilt are useful. They stop us doing the things we shouldn’t. And there is a social contract and people should be aware when they break it.

But there’s a ‘perfect’ window. Enough shame and guilt to make the person act (or not act) but not so much that they either get bitter and reactive, or suicidal. The internet is horrible for this. No nuance, public piles on, no ability to make better choices. You see it here all the time. OP is crap, posters tell the OP that, she realises and says sorry/walks it back. Then pages of people piling on the the OP because they don’t read on.

TL:DR; small, nuanced shaming is fine!

When you unpack it, it's usually someone communicating that their conscience is uncomfortable - they know they are doing something wrong and they know why it is wrong, and they want to be talked into getting to do it anyway without having to feel bad.

Absolutely - shame, guilt & pride all have a place in every society. They're all forms of social controls.

They shift with time and things which have nothing to do with other people (see having babies without being married, cohabiting, same sex relationships) are largely accepted.

But no, I don't agree that men shouldn't be shamed for ignoring safeguarding or violating other peoples boundaries in case they feel bad - they should!!

Internet trolls however, also fall into that category and should know better than to hound individuals.

Can you have pride without shame? Are they not two ends of a spectrum?
Does going around saying how proud you are without ever being ashamed of anything or anyone completely devalue what pride means?
I feel like shame is really a terrible thing, but being proud is very mild, because everyone is constantly proud of this and that, and never ashamed.