#bekind

[imaginaryisi]

A response to pleas of just #bekind

#bekind...
to the sexual assault survivor who doesn't need retraumatising
to the teenage girl in the changing room already self-conscious about her body
to the religious woman who can no longer attend the women only swimming session she enjoyed
to the vulnerable 85 year old woman now reliant on carers
to the volunteers pushed out of positions for raising safeguarding concerns
to the people with learning difficulties missing out on health screening because they don't know "people with a cervix" applies to them
to the people being sent death threats online for standing up for their rights
to the young people being persuaded into taking medically unnecessary drugs and pushed into unnecessary surgery
to the autistic person who struggles to lie and can't call a male "she"
to the women fighting the pay gap but find the statistics skewed
to the women intimidated for meeting together
to the woman in prison forced to share with a male criminal
to the athlete who has trained her whole life who loses the opportunity to represent her country to a male
AND the 10 year old girl who misses out on the spot in the local team
to the young lesbian emotionally manipulated into sex with a male
to all the women and girls who are told their voices don't matter, that they should shut up and #bekind, #bekind to them instead

Wherever I see Bekind - I mentally replace it with stfu - because that's what they are usually saying. Women stfu.

Yes, #bekind basically means "Move over women, the men want your space" 🙄

Yes who knew that kind could be come the most revolting thing a human can be. I did a nice thing for someone the other, just a small common or garden act, the same type of thing that many people do everyday, and the person I helped thank me and said it was 'so kind of me'. I'm almost bit her head off, not kind I said, never kind, never again. For this alone I hate and despise the acolytes of this cult. 😠

Yes. I'm afraid that phrase now just invokes a mutter from me of #fuckoff.

I agree of course with all your critiques of #bekind - and I really like the OPs wonderful responses.

But just sticking to the concept of 'being kind' - there is a saying that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, and I think it applies here, especially to children and young people who are falling under the influence of the trans juggernaut.

When a boy says he is really a girl, or vice versa, and wants to 'transition', the truly kind thing is not to say yes. The kind thing to do is the temporarily cruel thing of explaining that no matter what they believe, feel, think or do, they can never change the sex they were born into.

People who tell you that it's possible to 'transition' are not your friends, and are lying to you.

The actions you think will enable you to change sex will first of all not work, and second of all will damage your body and potentially your mind.

You will not be welcomed with open arms in your new sex, because most people will still see you as a man who is pretending to be a woman, or a woman pretending to be a man.

Hopefully they will treat you with decency and humanity, but they will not see you as you wish to be seen.
There is no magic at the end of the rainbow - it is impossible to change sex.

'You are special and loved as you are now, so let's try to understand why you don't love yourself as you are now' .

That is is #bekind.

I have wondered for a while: where does "#bekind" come from, whose idea was it, what was it originally intended to be for? By the time I came across it, it essentially meant "#stfu" aimed at women, but was that always what was meant?

I am ignorant, me, but I do strive to correct this condition in myself....

It started after #nodebate and #twaw began to lose their power, so they had to choose another tack. I don't know where it came from.

#bekind makes me want to #besick

The imprecation to BeKind is only ever directed AT women.

Thanks! So it's not a perversion of something (which I sort of assumed it might be, seeing where it was getting used and by whom) but was always on the dark side. I like to be sure about these things.

#bekind means "be quiet 🤫 🤐"

Hmm. The only place I’ve seen it is in the busy women’s changing room, asking women not to leave their stuff in cubicles but use the lockers/take stuff poolside!
i don’t think that’s about being kind, as much as not being selfish, but wow some of you have some very visceral reactions to the phrase!
don’t any of you tell your DSs to be kind??

No. I tell them to be fair. Be responsible, be thoughtful, be brave.

There was a long time a fashion for it being chanted as a gormless mantra, put on girls' T shirts (only girls'), motivational.posters, preached in schools. So it isn't/wasn't only relating to this issue.

But what was missed is how it hits differently for males and females.

It's a manipulative appeal to vanity and status - being 'kind' and 'nice' is an aspired value, particularly among groups of women where it can become competitive - and attempt to leverage feminine socialisation and guilt. It is an attempt to leverage concern over saying no, and paint people with boundaries as blue meanies. It's based on a PR image of vulnerability of a group seeking protection, where these are just lovely, helpless people who'd never hurt anyone and just want to.... strip search non consenting women, smash windows and pee on things to stop women having the right of association or to state facts, exclude women from health care, rape services, crisis centres and sneer that those women deserved it for being hateful subhuman bigots, use women for varied sexual experiences and remove any single sex options from women, including removing their rights and equality in law.

It is never reciprocal. It has never been intended to be. Try asking an activist using it to 'be kind' about women needing a single sex space or wishing to be homosexual, and watch what happens, but brace yourself first.

It is 'submit' and 'enable' in a pretty frock.

Its also quite vapid. Who decides what is kind? Is it kind to ignore bullying? Wring the neck of an injured bird? Ignore a man who is wolf whistling at you?

Are you new to this?

Looking at google's ngram viewer, "be kind" was high in the 1800s until about 1870 and then declined to a low in the 1980s. It has risen steeply from the 1990s to the present. I wonder if it came from buddhism. For me, it sounds like something told to children. It doesn't capture the hard trade offs of the adult world.

It sounds a bit hippy-ish to me - all you need is love, peace and love, that sort of thing...

Yes, totally agree

And whilst it is often used as a STFU, I've also seen it written by a lot of acquaintances who are genuinely nice people, and want to be inclusive and tolerant, and have been told accepting TWAW is the way to do that. They don't think of it (consciously or unconsciously) any deeper than that

I think that’s an overreaction. Kindness is still a ‘thing’ - the TRA and misogynist’s ‘be kind’ mantra doesn’t change that.

Victoria Smith’s recent book “Unkind” is all about the history of asking women to “be kind”. It is - as usual for her - pithy and brilliant.

Not for me, thoughtful, caring, helpful, considerate, there are many, many other words that I am but not kind, not anymore.

I'd say never just be kind, be kind wisely. Otherwise you just end up pandering to whoever is best at making you feel sentimental or guilty.