When I was young I really believed the world was moving away from gender stereotypes. I watched in horror as the pinkification of girls’ clothes and toys entrenched gender stereotypes even further and then witnessed women’s identities being co-opted by male-bodied people who now claimed the right to be considered the most vulnerable of all women.
I spent years wrestling with my beliefs, trying so hard to be on the “right side of history” by having the “correct” opinion for my liberal left leaning peers. I have read and read and read and tried so hard to find a persuasive argument that would talk be away from my belief that this is at heart a misogynistic and retrograde movement. I have felt depressed and miserable every time I’ve seen friends saying online that people with my opinions are bigots and bad people. I have felt isolated and alone.
But after years of feeling battered and lonely, I have found a few friends who agree with me and I have made peace with my opinions. In attempting to steel man the other side’s best arguments, I have satisfied myself that their arguments don’t stand up. So when friends occasionally decide they want to
debate me on the subject, I cannot help feeling almost offended by how poorly they have thought through their arguments or how little they have read on the debate (and the stats). It always comes back to this vibes-based stuff, where they just want me to be kind and want me to acknowledge it’s a tiny minority of vulnerable people. They don’t know about AGP males or sissy porn. They don’t know about DSD males in sport. They haven’t considered lesbian spaces. I have to say it’s getting right on my tits that I’m meant to do the heavy lifting and intellectual labour to learn about everything and then try to explain myself to them while they just wring their hands and talk about talking about kindness.
Anyone else feel frustrated that their friends have expected them to explain themselves like this??